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New York, New York...at last
by Andrew Yarrows
"When I went I left
from the station
with half a sack and some
trepidation…
Yes, I have finally gone and done the one thing I have always said that
I would do: I've moved to New York. Granted, it isn't that
big of a step, considering that I only lived 2 and half to three hours away from
the city to begin with, but when the person embarking on such a move is
as insecure and neurotic as myself, it's more than just a minor
undertaking. In fact, it's a nightmarish whirlwind of trying to save up
what seems to be the ideal amount of cash (if there actually is one), arranging housing and
employment and, most importantly, facing the fact that my chances of
succeeding in this city are pretty much just as good as the chances I might fail.
In any event, I've done it and, for what it's worth, it feels
like I've already succeeded somewhat. Just getting over that initial hump of
immense difficulty (namely getting here and staying more than a few days) is enough to give
me hope that my stay here won't be a short one. It's too early to say
for sure, but I'm content to just live in the moment for the time
being, having put the strenuous "getting here" end of things behind me. After months (no, make that years) of planning this move out,
mostly in vain, I've come to learn that the only method one can use to
see such a move through is to simply dive in headfirst. Thankfully, I've
managed to come up for air after initially gasping, bogged down by anxiety. Mind you, it's a tad smellier living here than what I'm
used to, but I rather like it.
…Someone said, "If
you're not careful,
you'll have nothing left and nothing to care
for…
I walk through Times Square now and it seems much smaller to me than it
ever did before, perhaps because I've now been seeing it on a daily
basis, or perhaps because I no longer feel like a vulnerable stranger in
this immense city. Knowing that I am not going to leave on the last bus
out, but rather sleep in the city and take an early train to work is an
amazing thing, and very empowering. Getting up at 8am in any city is
still going to be unpleasant, of course, especially for a night owl such as myself, but I'd rather be
doing it here than anywhere else. The energy is high, the goings on
endless, and the sense of belonging here profound within me. It feels
like a very natural change, as if I have always been meant to do this.
Evolution is right; we evolve according to our environment, changing
locations when we outgrow another. I don't think I will ever outgrow New York, so I can
stop evolving now, or at least for a little while. Things do have a habit of falling into
place for me when they are meant to happen, and they are. I never would have imagined
things working out this well for me a year ago. So, as Julie Andrews once
sang during Maria's tremulous journey to her prospective employer's
home, "I have confidence in me!"
…But I sat back and,
looking forward,
my shoes were high and I had sport
…
Hopefully this move will allow me to write more for this web site in
regard to reviews and such. If I'm going to live beyond my means, after
all, I might as well do so for my love of theatre. I have entered a world
of crowds, noise, subways, taxis, shady sunglasses salesmen and putrid
smelling nut stands, but you'll hear no complaints from me. This is
everything I've ever wanted, until now. From here I can't say for sure where
I am going, but for now, as I said, living in the moment is what really
matters.
…and bolted through
a closing door.
I would never find myself feeling bored
..."
--pet shop
boys
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