I used to feel really bad when Chuck was working and didn't get to sleep before four in the morning. So I was glad when he finally decided to retire. That way, he wouldn't have to stay up till four in the morning anymore. And he finally is retired. But he stays up till four in the morning anyway.

I'm sure everyone agrees that four in the morning is an unreasonable hour to go to sleep. Retired or not. That is, everyone but Chuck. Who doesn't seem to understand this. So I thought of one thing that might help. I would give him a curfew.

"I'm giving you a curfew," I informed him one night. "You have a two o'clock curfew." He looked as if I had to be kidding. "Okay. Three o'clock," I conceded. I'd start off with a permissive curfew and gradually make it earlier. That way he could get used to going to sleep at a reasonable hour, little by little.

Chuck readily agreed to his new three o'clock curfew. But as usual, he came to sleep at four.

Since we had recently learned that Chuck is adversely sensitive to anything he may construe as a demand, I realized that the curfew problem might be a bit more complicated than I'd anticipated. Chuck was going to agree to anything. And just ignore it. Maybe it would be more effective if the curfew was vague.

"Tonight you should go to sleep early-ish," I tried. "Not late-ish. Four o'clock is late-ish," I pointed out. Chuck seemed to understand. And even agreed. And as usual, he came to sleep at four.

Well, at least there's a good side, I thought. Now that he's not working, he can sleep later. Maybe he can even be useful. Since the bedroom almost always gets overheated at about four. He can turn off the heat...

But, just in case, I'd give it one more try. I'd remind him to try to come to sleep a little earlier. And I'd remind him to try to remember to turn the heat off, too.

"I think I'll give you a pop quiz," I announced in frustration. "A quiz?" Chuck asked.

"Yes. It's multiple choice. All you have to do is answer A or B." I would keep things very simple. That way there was a slight chance that I'd get his attention.

"Here's the quiz. There are two questions. The first is: Tonight I will go to sleep A: early, or B: late. What's the answer?"

"A, " Chuck said.

" The next question is: when I come to sleep A: I will turn the heat off, or B: I won't turn the heat off."

"A," Chuck said. "What kind of multiple choice test is this? The answer is always A."

And the same as always, he said he'd come to sleep early. And the same as always, he didn't.

So for the time being, I've just quit trying. I decided that the best thing to do is this. I go to sleep whenever I want. At some reasonable hour. And Chuck goes to sleep whenever he wants. At some unreasonable hour. Like four.

He doesn't need as much sleep as I do, anyway. We both get up about the same time. And we've been enjoying our time together. We're also learning how to be a lot more accommodating. For example:

"Are you coming to sleep early-ish tonight?" I always ask. As if he might.

"Yes," he always answers. And never does.

March, 2001
BB