Whenever Chuck and I are really hungry, we order Chinese food from Charlie Mom. Because Charlie Mom delivers food faster than any place else. No sooner do you telephone your order than the food is at your door. Chuck and I were really hungry, so that's what we did. And before we knew it, the food was at our door. While Chuck was paying the delivery man, I went into the kitchen to put the containers on the table.

The containers were very hot, and they were wedged very tightly in paper bags inside the plastic bag they'd been delivered in. I had no idea how to remove the containers without burning my fingers or spilling the food. I finally decided that the only way to do it would be to tear open the paper bags.

So there I was, tearing open the paper bags, as Chuck came into the kitchen. The minute he saw what I was doing, he got annoyed. "Please! Don't tear those bags!" he directed me.

"I have to tear the bags," I explained. "To get the food out."

"Please! Let me do it," he said. "I save these bags," he grumbled.

"You save these bags? Isn't that eccentric?" I asked. Even though this was a bit unfair of me since I save paper coffee cups.

"They make good garbage bags," he replied.

So he carefully removed the hot containers from the paper bags. Without burning his fingers or spilling the food. And without tearing the bags, either. As I watched him do this, I was really impressed.

But not that surprised. Because I know how particular Chuck can be about anything to do with the house. Anything. No matter how insignificant it might seem to anyone else. Like me.

Take sponges, for instance. Chuck is very particular about what kind of sponges he will have in the kitchen. He will allow only one kind of sponge. His sponges are nothing like the sponges I buy. I buy ordinary sponges. Sponges that anyone can find in any super market. Chuck would never use such sponges. The sponges Chuck uses come from William Sonoma. When you first buy sponges from William Sonoma, they look flat. But - the minute they are exposed to water, they increase to full size. Chuck says he buys them because he likes to watch how they expand. They expand to be so large that I can't use them. And Chuck has to cut them in half so I can. But he still won't buy any other sponges. Certainly not sponges that don't expand. Which is why he buys sponges only from William Sonoma.

And I found that he is every bit as particular about laundry bags. I know this because one morning we traipsed all over the Village looking for them. We went from store to store looking for exactly the right kind of laundry bag. And not a single store carried what Chuck was looking for. After we had wasted a lot of time looking for laundry bags, I thought I'd make a suggestion.

Like, "Couldn't you use shopping bags to carry the laundry? The way I do?"

"They tear," Chuck relied.

"I don't mean the paper ones," I said. "I mean the plastic ones. Plastic shopping bags don't tear."

"I don't like shopping bags," Chuck replied. So we continued traipsing from store to store looking for the right kind of laundry bag. Just as I was going to give up, we got to Lechter's. Where among the housewares was a rack of laundry bags. The right kind. ones with drawstrings.

"Here are some laundry bags with drawstrings!" I told Chuck excitedly.

But, even though they had drawstrings, Chuck didn't want them. "They're mesh," he said. He hates mesh laundry bags. But then we got really lucky. Because right next to the mesh laundry bags with drawstrings that Chuck didn't want, was an entire rack of laundry bags that Chuck did want! Cloth laundry bags with drawstrings! Exactly what we had spent the entire morning looking for!

So I know how particular Chuck can be about things around the house. But I didn't know that this included garbage bags, too. Until now, that is.

So when we finished eating, I started to dump the empty food containers into the Charlie Mom bag he was saving for the garbage.

"Please!" he said again. "Don't put the garbage in that bag."

"But I thought you were saving this bag for the garbage," I explained reasonably.

"I'm not using it yet," he said. He was annoyed again.

"Oh," I said. But I was perplexed. I realized that I needed a much clearer understanding of how he was organizing his garbage. "Is there something else you're using instead?"

"Yes. That bag," Chuck said. He pointed to a different bag somewhere else on the counter.

So I finally managed to get it right. I finally managed to deposit the garbage in the bag where it belonged. I was quite relieved. Chuck relaxed visibly, too. "I had no idea the system was so complicated," I apologized. I was only partly joking.

Chuck finished his Coke and saved me a sip. Whenever he is happy with me, he saves me a sip of his Coke. So I knew that he was no longer so upset that I had unintentionally torn one of his garbage bags and then nearly disrupted his entire system for garbage, too. I was very glad.

He took out the garbage in the old garbage bag that was full. He came back and got the new garbage bag from Charlie Mom. He placed it on the counter exactly where he thought it should be placed.

He looked around to check that everything was perfectly in order. He seemed satisfied that it was. He sighed. "A good garbage bag," he declared happily, "is rare."

February 1997
BB