It was Sunday morning and I was relaxing lazily over coffee and the Times.

Chuck came by. "I've already finished half my ablutions," he admonished me. "And you're not waiting for me in the bedroom."

I looked at him in astonishment. "What do you think I am? A mind reader?" I asked. "And what do you think you are? Muslim or something? Do you think I'm your harem?"

"You are my harem," Chuck replied.

Actually, I was rather pleased that Chuck wanted me for his harem. "Well, I'll be glad to be your harem," I conceded. "But what kind of word is ablutions? Where'd you get a word like that, anyway? No one uses it. It sounds archaic or something." I had to answer like that. I mean, I'm a college graduate. I have to assert my intellectual independence. And I had to be absolutely certain it was understood that I wasn't about to sacrifice one iota of my intellectual independence to be his harem.

"I want to stop at Blockbuster's," Chuck said as we were out walking sometime later. Chuck loves Blockbuster's.

"Do you want me to come with you?" I asked. I don't particularly like Blockbuster's. All those videos.

"Of course I want my harem to come with me," Chuck said. So I did. I settled on a window ledge with the Times while Chuck went searching for videos. With our move and all, it was a long time since Chuck had been in a Blockbuster's so I knew he'd be lingering.

I was right. He took a long time. He looked really happy when he finally reappeared. "I got some videos that you'll like," he said. "Have you seen 'Analyze This?'"

"No," I said, shuddering at the mere thought of the stack of assorted videos he'd selected that he might expect me to watch. "You know I don't like watching videos," I objected. "You know I'd rather spend the time reading." I needed to be absolutely clear about my intellectual independence.

Chuck looked so crestfallen that I felt a little bad about my intellectual independence. So I tried to placate him. "Can't I still be your harem even if I don't watch videos with you?" I begged. I thought I should indicate that it would be perfectly compatible to be intellectually independent and his harem at the same time. I hoped that this might cheer him up.

It did. He cheered up immediately. "You'll always be my harem," he replied magnanimously. "I also found 'The Thin Man Comes Home,'" he added.

That was different. Gloria DeHaven's in that and we'd been hoping to find it ever since we'd bought her studio apartment.

"What kind of harem is this?" Chuck protested a little later, when, as usual, we were disagreeing about something. "Harem's are supposed to do what they're told.."

"Not this harem," I replied, immediately fearing for my independence again. "You've got the wrong harem."

"How am I going to manage my harem?" Chuck inquired helplessly.

"This harem wasn't compliant before she was a harem. And she won't be compliant now," I said. I spoke in the third person for emphasis. That's how alarmed I was about my intellectual independence.

"I think I need a harem manager," Chuck lamented sadly.

But I just ignored him. I decided that was the best solution to the problem of simultaneously being a harem and maintaining my intellectual independence. I was right.

"You were a very good harem today," Chuck complimented me. I was getting ready for bed. "Now for your homework assignment...." he teased.

I continued to ignore him. But I was glad of such success on my first day of being a harem. I went to bed.

But the very next day, new problems began to appear.

"You're a pain," Chuck informed me that evening at midnight. "You're not acting like a harem is supposed to act. You haven't been doing anything I tell you to."

This was too much. After one day of being his harem, Chuck was already taking me for granted. Ordering me around. Expecting me to do whatever he wanted me to, whenever he wanted me to. He was completely ignoring my intellectual independence.

I made a decision. "I'm not your harem tonight," I informed him firmly.

He wasn't prepared for such a pronouncement. "You're not?" he exclaimed, evidently taken by surprise.

"No," I said dreamily. "Tonight... I think I will be a princess instead."

I liked that. I liked the idea of being treated like a princess.

September 1999
BB