Actually, I was surprised that Jim wanted the turkey. I mean, after all the fuss he'd made about the rice. He'd been very insistent about how badly we were monitoring the contents of our freezer. Or, in his opinion, not monitoring them at all. And he was right. Jim almost always is.

Jim's back in New York. He'd been staying with us for a couple of weeks while looking for an apartment for Jitka and himself. I don't recall exactly what first prompted Jim to examine the freezer. But when he did, he was appalled.

"What are all these containers of rice doing here?" he wanted to know. "No one eats this much rice. Do you know how many containers of rice you have here?" He was indignant.

I was embarrassed. Of course I didn't know how many containers of rice there were. How could I? I'm trying to simplify my life and that's one of the many things I've decided not to keep track of. We always get rice when we order Chinese food from Charlie Mom. Which we do very often. It beats cooking. And I automatically put the containers of unused rice in the freezer. What else should I do with them? This way, there's plenty of rice in reserve just in case Chuck and I ever want some for dinner. However, since I seldom if ever cook, to say the least, the containers have a way of just piling up. Since I've stopped keeping track, I hadn't noticed.

But Jim did. And he was pretty upset about it, too. I really couldn't blame him. Because he was right. And if I was still keeping track, I'd have been upset, too.

"How long have these containers been here?" Jim wanted to know.

I had no idea. How could I? I wasn't keeping track. Actually, I did once. When Chuck noticed all the containers of rice. He was as upset about them as Jim was. He said the rice was cluttering up his freezer, and he threw a lot of the containers out. He said that I had to date the rest of them so that whenever there were too many containers, we would know which ones to throw out. At first I did this very conscientiously. But soon Chuck stopped checking. So I stopped dating them. I was much too busy simplifying my life to have time to put dates on containers of rice. So I stopped keeping track.

"What does this mean"? Jim asked when he saw 2-21 written on one of the containers. I considered this fairly obvious. "February 21st," I declared proudly. "What year?" Jim asked. I wasn't sure.

Jim didn't think the rice would be safe to eat. He thought I should get rid of some. I knew he'd be checking the freezer pretty regularly. So I decided to placate him. And besides, he was probably right. Jim almost always is. So I got rid of some of the rice.

That's how Jim found the turkey. I'd totally forgotten about that turkey, buried as it was under all that rice. Jim was excited about the turkey. By now he and Jitka had their own apartment. He could deduce from all the rice that I seldom if ever cook. He must have decided it was highly unlikely that I'd ever cook that turkey. He thought he and Jitka could have it for dinner.

"Of course you can have it. But why would you want it? We have no idea how long it's been in the freezer. We have no idea if it's safe to eat." I added. I was surprised to have to point this out. Considering all the fuss he'd made about the rice.

But Jim didn't care. Maybe he thought you don't have to be careful about food if it isn't rice.

"When did you get it?" he asked.

Chuck overheard. "It was probably left by the previous owners," he interjected. Ironically I presume, since we've lived here for twenty years.

Actually I had no idea when we got it. I couldn't even imagine what a turkey could be doing in our freezer. Then I had some vague recollection about Vicky, Chuck's secretary, sending a turkey or something like that to Chuck when he'd had his bypass operation. I guess Vicky isn't aware that I seldom if ever cook.

I told this to Jim. "That's over a year ago," I said.

"More like a year and a half," Chuck said. Which really made me really doubt that it was safe to eat. But Jim still thought it was. Since it wasn't rice, I guess.

Now Jill took over. She had recently come in from California, so she was there to help solve the safety issue. She had noticed that there was an 800 number on the package and dialed it immediately. Jill is very efficient. "Is a frozen turkey safe to eat after eighteen months?" she inquired. Yes, if the package is unopened, was the reply.

So, as usual, Jim was right. He took the turkey home.

"How was the turkey?" I asked Jim when I saw him sometime afterward. "Did you guys eat it?"

"No," Jim replied monosyllabically. Which is unusual for him.

"How come?" I asked. I was rather curious now.

"I didn't like the way it tasted," he said.

So okay. So maybe Jim was wrong about the turkey being safe. But that only goes to show how right he must have been about the rice. And except in this one case of the turkey, I still find that Jim is almost always right.

The turkey is just the exception that proves the rule.

November, 1998
BB