Every time I walk into the street, Chuck grabs my arm and says, "Watch out!"

"Why should I watch out?" I demand indignantly.

"You might have gotten killed," Chuck tells me. Which gets me mad.

"I cross the street by myself all the time," I answer. "And I haven't got killed yet. Not even once."

I get mad that Chuck thinks he has to grab me just because I may be about to step off the curb into the path of an oncoming car. I mean, doesn't he trust me or something? I'm a New Yorker. I do this all the time. And I never get hurt.

Which, when you think about it is pretty amazing. Because there are times when I've found myself in the middle of the street with traffic all around me. And realized that I had no idea what color the light was when I stepped into the street. Or that I had even stepped into the street.

But I never get hurt. I've decided that the reason I never get hurt is that New York City drivers are so good. They have to be. With all those crazy pedestrians around, not one of whom is obeying any traffic law to speak of. Not to mention all those crazy drivers around who aren't obeying any traffic laws either.

So any New York City driver has to be pretty good to deal with all this. Crazy pedestrians and crazy drivers everywhere. I have learned to trust the New York City driver implicitly. I have learned to trust that whatever I do, no matter what it is, the New York driver is ready for me. And he is so vigilant and his reflexes are so quick, that I don't get hurt. I have found that the New York driver is virtually able to stop on a dime. Even if I happen to dash across the street in the fraction of a second when there's a break in the traffic. Even if I'm lost in thought and unaware that I'm in the middle of the road. The New York driver is prepared. And I know that the New York driver is thought to have the most sophisticated cursing vocabulary in the world. But I think this is unfair. On the contrary. I consider them actually good-natured. At least about the inconveniences I cause. Because anytime I'm busy dashing across the street, I never hear them curse at me.

And oddly enough, the one incident I ever had took place the only time I was crossing the street properly. There I was, walking in the pedestrian lane when the light was green. What a mistake. I'll never do that again! It only goes to show that, contrary to general expectation, there isn't any connection between personal safety and obeying traffic rules. Obeying traffic rules is no guarantee of anything. Instead, it could even lull you into a false sense of security. Just because you're doing what you're supposed to do, you think you're safe. Which, as my own experience has shown, is totally wrong.

As my own experience has shown, there is just no way of knowing if something may happen to you when you cross a New York street. In fact, my own experience has shown that crossing properly may even increase the danger. Looking carefully and deciding to dash across as quickly as possible is a far better strategy in a city like this. Drivers this good need something unexpected to keep them vigilant. Otherwise they might start driving on automatic pilot. Which no one would want. It could be very dangerous.

'Cross in between. Not at the green.' That's my motto. And it works.

Which is why I get indignant when Chuck grabs my arm as I step into the street, ready for action. I mean, what does he want to turn me into? Someone who stands obediently at the curb, waiting for the light to turn green? Like some well-behaved tourist or something?

Puh-lease!

September, 1997
BB