The Tree at Lincoln Center
December 31, 1998
The day started out quietly enough. The previous evening Yuka and I braved -10 degree wind chills to take our posessions out of storage to move them to New Jersey. I had been working crazy overtime hours and was totally exhausted. The weather was brutally cold and I needed a break... I sat there at my desk running several of the programs I had developed for Lazard. I was reconciling stock transactions, monitoring trades, creating reports for various departmens. Then the phone rang. The Metropolitan Opera was performing Die Fledermaus that night. I'd done the show for ten years. They had run out of understudies and wanted to call me out of retirement. Before I knew what I was doing, I agreed. As I hung up, I could feel the butterflies...no, not just butterflies, I think I had water buffalo and wild elk... running through my stomach. Yes! It was definately wild elk! And some bison. Some with mad cow disease. I was exhausted already. I'd overworked that week. I'd had too many things going on outside of work...and I agreed to go onstage that night in front of 4,500 poeple on New Years Eve and perform something I hadn't done on stage in two or three years.
No problem.
I made frequent visits to the bathroom that day. I knew I couldn't leave work early. I called Yuka and told her what was happening. I worked the rest of the day in a detached, other-worldly trance. Busy with the software, the rumble of antelope in my belly, and trying to run through the choreography in my head. Somewhere around 6pm I left, ran home, changed, showered, found my stage makeup and headed for the Met. I loved seeing the Lincoln Center Christmas tree. It's a really nice tree and really brings home the season. Even though Christmas was over, I still got a nice holiday feeling from seeing the tree. I prepared for the show, explained to all my old friends that no, I did not get a short haircut this year and yes, I did indeed have cancer and no, I was going to be just fine and yes, I was in terrific shape and no, I wasn't going to heaven any time soon and yes, I'm taking great care of myself and I go to the doctor's monthly and ... finally... no, the hair wasn't a fashion statement and I hadn't become a "Greenwich Village Downtown Type of Guy"...
No goatee or earring for me, but thanks for asking...
So! The show went great. It felt wonderful to be onstage...after what I'd been through this year, I didn't think I'd be in that position again. I couldn't see it six months ago. I couldn't see much at all six months ago. But to be on the Met stage again, healthy, dancing well and loving life...well, that was the best way I could think of to end the year. I found myself after the show, once again, sitting at my old dressing table, thanking God for getting me from there to here and really being absolutely and totally amazed that I could go from chemo and cancer several months ago and get back to this point... totally alive and totally in the moment. I never, ever have any reason whatsoever to complain about a single thing in my life. Not a single thing. I have to remember to slap myself if I do. I'm fine. Mom and Dad and Yuka are just fine... I don't need anything else.
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Please email bigdell@interport.net with New Year's messages!