PLEASE POST THIS IN YOUR BATHROOM OR ANY LOCAL TOILET STALL. IT IS A LIST OF POSSIBLE OPTIONS IF THERE IS NO BATHROOM TISSUE AVAILABLE.

          1. Peel labels off any shampoo bottles, detergent bottles, or air fresheners.
        2. Use the hand towel.
        3. Use the foot towel.
        4. Use the bath towel (only recommended if it is your own and you plan to wash it).
        5. Use the shower curtain (DO NOT attempt in bathrooms with showers with glass doors).
        6. Use a floor mat.
        7. Use your arm or hand. Stand up, walk over to the sink. Rinse and repeat.
        8. Use your foot (not recommended if you are not flexible, as your foot might end up in the toilet).
        9. Use any excess fat that might reach.
        10. Use actual shampoo bottle (do not stick in, simply fit in vertically and rotate).
        11. Use mouth as pouch, tongue as spoon (again, flexibility is a factor).
        12. Rip out your pant pockets and use them.
        13. Pluck out your hair, braid it into a fine wave, and use it as an anal hankerchief. Rinse after every use.
        14. Use lint from the dryer to make a thick, soft towel.
        15. Use sink faucet as a bide.
        16. Use any urine source as a bide.
        17. Wait until dingleberries dry up. Then, with quick, brisk blows, knock the shit off.
        18. Shirt sleeves.
        19. Excess pant leg.
        20. Use a blowdryer to accelerate process in (17.) DO NOT drop dryer in toilet.
        21. Learn to control sphincter so well that you can "spit out" any excess shit left after feces dumping.
        22. Use the lint in you ass crack (for fat people mostly)
        23. Clip nails and toenail. Carefully scrape off excess shit from inside the asshole.
        24. Lift up seat, sit in toilet, and flush several times.
        25. Any extra business cards, band memorobilia (including stickers and past concert tickets), and dollar bills (or other currencies: Italian Lira and Mexican Peso are know to adhere quite well to shit) in wallet.
        

        Most importantly: DO NOT EAT CRAP. Diptheria will follow, and you will die. Once again, DO NOT EAT CRAP.

MORE, MORE, MORE!

ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!