Is There a Santa?

   1.No known species of reindeer can fly. But there ARE 300,000 species of
living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects
and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer, which only
Santa has seen.

   2.There are 2 billion children (under 18) in the world. But since Santa
doesn't appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist and Jewish children, that
reduces the workload to 15% of the total- 378 million or so. At an average
rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes
there's at least one good child in each.

   3.Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to time zones and
the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. This works out
to 822.6
visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with
good children, Santa has 1/1000 th of a second to park, hop out of the
sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining
gifts under the tree, eat the snacks, get back up the chimney, get back in
the sleigh, and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8
million homes are distributed evenly (which we know to be false but for the
sake of these calculations we will accept) we are now talking about .78
miles per household, a total trip of 75 1/2 million miles, not counting
bathroom stops.

     This means that Santa`s sleigh is travelling at 650 miles per second,
3000 times the speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the
Ulysses space probe moves at a poky 27.4 MPS; the average reindeer runs at
15 MPH.

   4.The sleigh's payload adds another interesting element. Assuming that
each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (2 pounds), the
sleigh is
carrying 321,300 tons not counting Santa, who is invaribly described as
overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.
Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point one) could pull TEN TIMES
the usual amount, we can not do the job with 8 or even 9. we need 214,000
reindeer.
This increases the weight, not even counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons.
Again, for comparison this is 4 times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth 2.

   5.353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same manner as a spacecraft
re-entering the earths atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb
14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will
burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the next pair of reindeer,
and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire team will be
vaporized within 4.26 thousands of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be
subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times the force of gravity. A 300
pound Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of
force.

   6.Conclusion: There was a Santa, but he's dead now.

Funny!

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