THE GHOST SHIT 
          The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet
          paper, but there's no shit in the bowl. 
     THE CLEAN SHIT 
          The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but
          there's no shit on the toilet paper. 
     THE WET SHIT 
          You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you
          end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear
          so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks. 
     THE SECOND WAVE SHIT 
          This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to
          your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some
          more. 
     THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT 
          Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit". You have to
          strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically
          have a stroke. 
     THE CORN SHIT 
          No explanation necessary. 
     THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT 
          The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down
          without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet
brush. 
     THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER SHIT 
          The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of
          drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the
          bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush. 
     THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SHIT" SHIT- 
          The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your
          guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting. 
     THE WET CHEEKS SHIT 
          Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes
          out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the
          toilet water. 
     THE LIQUID SHIT 
          That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your
          butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same
          time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute. 
     THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT 
          A class all of its own. 
     THE CROWD PLEASER 
          This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have
          to show it to someone before flushing. 
     THE MOOD ENHANCER 
          This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby
          allowing you to be your old self again. 
     THE RITUAL 
          This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished
          with the aid of a newspaper. 
     THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT 
          A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
     THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT 
          This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the
          vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected. 
     THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHIT 
          This is any shit created in the presence of another person. 
     THE GROANER 
          A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance. 
     THE FLOATER 
          Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to
          resurface after many flushings. 
     THE RANGER 
          A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in
          a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is
          to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper. 
     THE PHANTOM SHIT 
          This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to
          putting it there. 
     THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT 
          Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with
          you. Requires patience and muscle control. 
     THE BOMBSHELL 
          A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either
          inappropriate to shit (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or
          you are nowhere near shitting facilities. 
     THE SNAKE CHARMER 
          A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a
          frightening position - usually harmless. 
     THE OLYMPIC SHIT 
          This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any
          competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close
          resemblance to the Drinker's Shit. 
     THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT 
          This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in
          the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car. 
     THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT 
          An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift
          from God when you actually CAN'T shit. 
     PREMEDITATED SHIT 
          Laxative induced. Doesn't count. 
     SHITZOPHERENIA 
          Fear of shitting - can be fatal! 
     ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHIT 
          Also known as a "Still Going" shit. 
     THE POWER DUMP SHIT 
          The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down
          when you're done. 
     THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT 
          This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it
overflows all
          over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the
          Lincoln Log Shit.) 
     THE SPINAL TAP SHIT 
          The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's
          got to be coming out sideways. 
     THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY
     ASSHOLE" SHIT 
          Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape
          and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air
          space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards. 
     THE PORRIDGE SHIT 
          The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on
          coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep gong, or (b)
          risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless. 
     THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT 
          When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides
          of your rectum on the way out in the morning. 
     THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHIT 
          When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like
          marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
     THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SHIT 
          Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you
          don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead,
          you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they
          run out gaggin and gasping for air. 
     THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURN STILL DANGLING
     THERE" SHIT 
          Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to
          drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the
          place. 

I'm laughing too loud!

I'm crying too hard!