Vast hopefulness had been in bloom.
I blinked and watched them wilt.
And all my mem'ries, suddenly were
colored, dark with guilt.

I tried to read but ev'ry subject
seemed, to you referred.
And then my reading stopped soon aft'
I saw, in print , this word.

'Twas just a tiny reference;
so many, 'twas among.
But when I read that line it sent
a surge through me which stung!

My mem'ry wrestling'd seemed complete;
I thought 'twas done--until
the subject of a bookcase
brought, my way, another still.

"I never win a thing!" you said.
The thrill showed in your eyes.
"I'm so excited, yes I am!
Oh, what a nice surprise!"

You picked it up and brought it home
and planned its finish coat.
I never shared your prize. My time,
where did it, I devote?

We could've shared refinishing
this very special piece.
I like to work with wood;
it's one place I've some expertise!

How many times were doors awide
but not, through them, I walked.
Too busy was I. Then the doors
were all slammed shut and locked!

The months passed by. Then heard this clang!
The bolt had back, been slid.
The hinges strained, they'd set so long.
But move, so slight they did!

And then a slit of light appeared
which glowed through that slim space.
I smelled the air which wafted through;
it softly touched my face.

I watched this movement, touched with awe.
What mys'try therein dwelled?
The barrier was sealed no more!
I sniffed and hope, I smelled.

But now, the road abruptly stopped
the bolt resealed the door.
Old chances lost seemed magnified.
'Twas clear, there'd be no more.

I grieved for supple moments from which
I could draw upon;
one's filled with entertainment,
dining, dancing and so on.

The cost--an issue, t'would be not!
It, gladly, I would bear!
A whirlwind time was waiting if the
go-ahead was there.

And if the future still declared
we go our sep'rate ways,
at least I could embrace the joys
that filled those special days.

And yes, there'd still be sadness
but amidst that, I could find
some comfort since I'd done my best.
And I'd know peace of mind.

And Mercy! if we got the chance,
perhaps we'd stay a pair.
One can't predict the future
and to do that, I'd not dare!

But all these things seemed possible;
the prospects seemed not dim.
But then I'd found you'd made a choice:
You longed to be with him.

A checkbook stout, is no delight.
I wish 'twere paper thin
and ev'ry dime and nickel,
lavished all on you, had been.

I look around and ev'ry sight
brings forth enormous aches!
So much I recollect, reminds me
of my past mistakes.

The poetry, I'd hence, composed
helped calm a many storm
but now I'm being overwhelmed!
It's like an insect swarm!

Aft' each, I swat there's always more;
I'm slowly being drowned!
I can't compose that speedily.
The lines I seek, aren't found.

An overload seems imminent;
I fear I'll overheat!
My circuitry is overstressed;
in quicksand, are my feet!

I know I'll never write again.
I can't e'en concentrate!
I'm tumbling due a breaking wave;
cold chaos is my state!

The tears are flowing from my eyes;
my vision is all blurred!
It's quite a shock, this current news.
No warning had occurred.

I'm feeling numb as I can see
the cup of hope to spill.
I'm back to feeling she's been lost;
I reap what I sowed, still!

But though I knew I'd never write,
these words, I now compose.
The wave was strong and powerful
but held no fatal blows.

I'm dazed and hurt and sore as hell
but...seems I did survive.
My knees are shaking notic'bly
but...guess I'm still alive.

The jolt came out of nowhere;
it was sharp, it was abrupt.
And things are very hazy...
but at least they're right-side up.

And now I'm setting pen to pad,
when yesterday I'd felt
my aptitude to share my thoughts had
disappeared--had melt.

So, that condition wasn't one
to last forever, hence,
a ray of hope's still present
as the journey does commence.

I thought I'd never bear this pain
which lodged within my heart,
so planting one foot then the next
is progress; it's a start.