The story, it has surely been
a time of trials, not brief!
Her absence from my life, so triggered
sadness, guilt then grief!
...and couldn't then forget about
the hole her exit brought.
I had to face and cope with this;
but lessons yes! were taught!
I had to hold the guilt--regret;
it couldn't be ignored!
And poetry was such a salve;
my thoughts, in these, I poured!
T'were sixty poems, I wrote to her;
and each expressed a hurt,
I carried in my mem'ry. Oh!
To this...was so alert!
...just felt her path was caused by me;
my conduct was the spur.
So many times I hence, recalled--
I focussed, not on her!
And all these mem'ries stirred such blame
to show itself, therefore,
rekind'ling then a painful wound
from deep inside my core!
The poems were, thus a clear appeal
to send to her, my thoughts!
How many T's, I'd failed to cross!
How many I's--no dots!
T'were such a needed vehicle
to let me share--confess
my many mem'ries tarred with guilt;
and let them be expressed!
And she saw ev'ry one of these;
I sent her ev'ry word!
And this so satisfied a need;
my deep regret was heard!
And didn't seem there'd ever be
a time when I could feel
I'd done my best and did behave
as someone fine--ideal!
But slowly, I've found pieces, spots
where I did act OK.
And it's so nice to grasp this view!
...can feel contentment. YAY!
My pain, it surely was deserved;
Yes! Many times...did fail!
But now perhaps, I've served my term;
...can be released from jail!
My sentence...over! Done's my time;
my punishment fulfilled!
...can sense, now freedom. Maybe now
the garden's mostly tilled!
And sprouts are coming--Hey! it's like
the dirty portion o'er!
Vitality's there in the mud;
each gaze, I notice more!
I see a widened landscape, now!
I wasn't always bad.
There were some times, I gave my best.
To sense these, I'm so glad!
There's many angles to this tale;
I've let the guilt come through.
But now can sense some details, had
been hidden--out of view!
T'were days Yes! didn't place Colette
just firmly, at the top.
And for so long, t'was all I felt;
the guilt, was just non-stop!
But yesterday I saw a sight;
which so reminded me
of one we saw in '95
when we were happily
a loyal pair and on a trip.
This sight, brought back that day.
And what was stirred--'twas just delight!
Did guilt appear? Nay! Nay!
For Oh! so long when she got sparked
(due something in my sight),
...just felt the guilt, as I was shown
my gratefulness, was slight!
But now, I sensed that here was once
I placed her number one!
