Justin: morning Erika: hi Justin: how're you? Erika: im ok n you? Justin: still feeling a little off Justin: the sound guy last night must have been deaf Erika: ah Justin: when some of the women in the bands were singing, and hitting high notes it sounded shrill Justin: couldn't really hear any of the vocals Justin: but shrieking ... i felt a little dizzy after the show Justin: how was your night? Erika: it was nice Justin: what'd you do? Erika: i wound up plannless for most of the night, my friends decided they werent doin anything, but then Joaquin came home from this party he was at all day and asked me if i wanted to go out for coffee and a drive, so i went Justin: you just didn't want to see me again ... i see how it is Erika: :P Justin: lol and yet you don't deny it Erika: well if we must talk about this, which i guess we have to... i felt very uncomfortable with all the physical contact... and i kept trying to tell you but i dont think you understood that you were, even though i kept making you stop...and you put me in a weird position when you would just continue because ive never been in a situation where i had to tell someone they were making me feel uncomfortable, cause no 1st date ive ever had started out so touchy/physical. the only times i felt completely comfortable was when we were just sitting and talking and the physical stuff stopped. Justin: well i'm sorry if i did that...i tend to be a physical person Justin: it's just the way that i am Erika: i am too but not RIGHT when i meet someone Erika: i mean, i dont even know you yet how am i supposed to know youre someone I am goiing to want to/feel ok kissing...touching etc Erika: i dont think it was fair to think it was ok to start out that way Erika: and then to continue....and i felt awkward like.... as if you expected me to reciporicate so i tried, but i honestly felt very not cool with it but i had just met you and i didnt want to insult you so i was just playing it off as you being nervous but when you continued even when i showed sign of feeling uncomfortable, then i felt even more not comfortable. Erika: rule of thumb, if you have to ask someone if what they are doing is ok, that means you subconcously picked up body language from the person youre asking that is making you think that its not ok, cause when something is completely ok, its very apparent, you dont have to ask. Justin: ok Justin: well i'm sorry i made you uncomfortable Justin: want to just forget it then? i'll leave you be Justin: i guess that's what you want Justin: sorry i blew it with you Justin: bye Justin: i'm really just going to say one final thing to you, and then i'm done. you may have gotten over any initial nervousness, but i never did. i always, before the date as well as during it, felt like i was just there so you could say that youchecked me out. i felt like you had no intention of starting to see me more because you had joaquin ... and even if he didn't necessarily want what you wanted, if you and i became serious you'd have to give him up which you were unwilling to do. i was there to say that you'd tried the other way. i never felt like i had a chance. Erika: i dont agree... because there is always a chance i could have felt a great connection with you and you could have won me over, though in the long run it was a big mistake, thats how i went from my 1st boyfriend (who i was with for almost 3 yrs starting in 1995) to my second boyfriend (whom regrettably i was with for 5 yrs)...things can happen and make people's feelings chnage, but that was basically lost when you came on so strong, it totally took me aback and gave me a bad impression. I dont know if thats how you start all your dates, but to me, it just seemed wrong, and overwhelming. I feel when you start out that way, what is to look forward to a bit later in the date when you realize things are going well and stuff? and i really hope you dont say sex. I alwyas had dates where the beginning part is spent connecting, and if feelings are buildig, kisses, and stuff happens, and it just feels right. to start that way initially seems backwards. Auto response from Justin: They'd all be offended at the mention still If they heard this song, which I doubt they will Justin: you know what i look forward to? not sex ... sex is ... whatever. i look forward to being able to stare into someone's eyes forever. just look at them and feel ... love. i want to be able to get lost in someone's eyes and feel like the world could end and i'd never notice. that's what i look forward to, since you asked. Erika: you cant get to that point by starting out so aggressive, not with most people anyway... i dont see how anyong would feel comfortable being so aggressed from the instant a date starts Justin: well i've already apologized Justin: and if you want it again, fine i'm sorry i came on too strong Erika: im not asking for an apology Erika: im just saying how i saw things and how it made me feel Justin: yeah well ... i'm telling you how things made me feel Justin: and i guess we're through...so whatever bye