ESCAPING THE CONVENT FOR HOLLYWOOD
It was a warm and starry April, 1966 Friday night. Sixteen-year-old Linda Davis and seventeen-year-old Sharon Jones, best friends since first grade, were a long way from the ultra-strict Santa Maria Convent School in the Santa Ynez Mountains.
Wearing pink minidresses and go go boots, along with fashion model-sized figures and black flip hairdos, they stepped off the bus into the bustling traffic along Sunset Boulevard. The Beatles' hit song, Day Tripper, was blasting from the record store right across the street.
“Ah yes! Hollywood at last! The bright lights! The clubs! The bands! Sure beats that nunnery prison, Sharon.”
”Yeah, Lin,” replied Sharon. “And we got committed there by our parents. They wanted the nuns to wash away our sins. Thank God nobody saw us leave.”
“Yeah, Lin,” Sharon sighed. “Especially Sister Francis. You know? The water thrower.”
“Oh why do we have to be twenty-one to get into this nightclub?” Linda inquired. “I just gotta see that new band there!”
“What's the name of this new band, Lin?” Sharon asked.
“The Toads, Sharon,” replied Linda. “They're from Santa Monica. Donna and Katie saw them down at the Pier last summer. They sound just like the Beach Boys. They're all seniors at UCLA, and they're really outta sight! Oh I almost forgot; you got the fake ID's, Sharon?”
“Yep!” Sharon replied reaching into her pink satin purse. “Two fake ID's coming up.”
“Pink Rainbow nightclub, here we come!” Sharon and Linda shrieked out as they stood in line just outside the club.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a thin elderly nun, dressed in a long black habit, and dark eyeglasses, stepped out of a white 1965 Ford Mustang. She was carrying six one-gallon jugs of water.
“Uh oh! We're in trouble, Lin,” Sharon gasped. “It's Sister Francis.”
“How did she find us here?” asked Linda
“I don't know, Lin,” replied Sharon. “Oh my God! She's headed this way! And she's got the water! That's it! We're doomed!”
Sister Francis stomped up to Sharon and Linda. She grabbed them both by the hair and shoved them up against a brick wall next to a women's dress shop.
With a furious look on her face, Sister Francis demanded, “Miss Jones and Miss Davis! What is the meaning of this? How did you two get down here from Santa Maria? Did Sister Elizabeth give you permission to leave the campus? And what is this Pink Rainbow? I want some straight answers and I want them now! When did you leave the campus?”
“Tuesday afternoon, Sister. Right after lunch,” replied Linda. “We hitchhiked.”
“You what!” Sister Francis exclaimed.
“We hitchhiked!” Sharon boasted. “Right down the Pacific Coast Highway. Then we took a bus from downtown Los Angeles and got off at the corner right by the club.”
“That was a dastardly thing to do! Don't you know that you could have been raped or killed?” Sister Francis raged.
“How did you know we ran away, Sister?” Linda asked.
“Sister Elizabeth reported you missing on Wednesday morning right after breakfast!” replied Sister Francis. “She asked me to come look for you! She also filed a Missing Persons report with the Santa Barbara police!”
Grabbing the fake ID cards out of Sharon's and Linda's hands, Sister Francis also exclaimed, “Date of birth: 1/16/45! Where did these cards come from?”
“At the Stop-N-Shop in Santa Barbara, Sister!” Linda cried out.
“Oh I see, Miss Davis.” replied Sister Francis. “I stopped at that same Stop-N-Shop this morning! The young man who sold you those fake ID's there told me you were coming down here!”
Sister Francis then stormed up to club's front entrance. She asked the ticket clerk at the front window, “Excuse me, young man. How old do you have to be to get into this nightclub?”
“Twenty-one, Sister.” the clerk replied. “That's the legal drinking age here in California. Is there a problem, Sister?”
“No. I will handle it myself. Thank you.” Sister Francis replied as she stormed towards Sharon and Linda.
Smacking them hard across their faces, Sister Francis was enraged. “You two are a disgrace to Santa Maria! Leaving the campus without permission! Hitchhiking! Lying about your ages to get into some nightclub to hear the Devil's music! Dressing unladylike! In my thirty years at Santa Maria, I have never seen such disgusting behavior like this; especially from two young ladies!”
“We just had to run away, Sister!” Sharon cried hysterically. “It's like a prison there! We're nothing but religious zombies! We don't want to spend the rest of our lives chanting and reading the Bible every day!”
“You're not treating us like human beings, Sister!” cried Linda. “We have no life! We can't call our parents, see our friends, watch TV, read the newspaper, listen to the radio. Nothing!”
“That's just too bad, Miss Davis!” Sister Francis shouted. “Let me remind you that Santa Maria is a convent and a school for young ladies; not juvenile delinquents! We do not allow one stain of sin and the forces of evil into Santa Maria! We are a cloistered order! There is no contact with the outside world at all! No TV! No radio! No newspapers! No phone calls! Nothing!
When a young woman enters Santa Maria, she cuts herself off completely from the outside world, and she surrenders her life to God! She devotes her entire life to prayer, meditation, and silence! When she turns 18, she sheds her birth name. She takes temporary vows, and she takes a religious name. When she turns 21, she makes a permanent vow to stay at Santa Maria for the rest of her earthly life! We strictly enforce what Christ has taught us; and that is to deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and follow in His footsteps.”
“We just want to be ourselves and live a normal life, Sister!” Linda cried out.
“At Santa Maria, there is no such thing as a normal life, Miss Davis!” Sister Francis exclaimed. Sharon also exclaimed, “I thought God was a God of love, but you make Him out to be an evil monster!”
“He is a God of love, Miss Jones!” replied Sister Francis. “But He is also a God of holiness, justice, righteousness, and purity! He doesn't allow sin in His presence. And He has to punish sin!”
“So if we're goin to sin, we're goin to sin! What's the big deal?” Sharon replied sarcastically.
“That's enough, Miss Jones! I don't want to hear it!” Sister Francis shouted. “Now you two will get in this car at once! We are going back to Santa Maria tonight! But before we leave, here's a little something to cleanse you of your sins!”
Drenched by the water, Linda shrieked out, “Oh you! You! You evil witch! You're no woman of God! You're an evil monster! I don't know why you became a nun in the first place! And we're not going back to that nunnery prison either! Come on, Sharon; let's get out of here!”
Still soaking wet, Linda and Sharon raced down Sunset Boulevard, with Sister Francis right behind them in her car.
“Sinners! Sinners! You get in this car, you sinners! Do you hear me? I have to get the Devil out of you first!”
After sprinting for three blocks and heavily out of breath, Linda and Sharon slumped down on the bench at another bus stop.
“Oh boy, I'm out of breath!” Linda gasped. “I've gotta sit down.”
“Me too, Lin!” Sharon also gasped; clutching her chest. “That was close.”
“Yeah!” Linda still gasped. “I feel as though we went through a car wash!”
“Yeah, Lin. Who does she think she is? Throwing that water at us! There's no way we're going back to that convent prison! I'd rather thumb it back home to the Valley then be stuck in that prison!”
“We can't go back home,
Lin!” exclaimed Sharon. “Our parents will send us back!
Oh no! Here comes Sister Francis again! She parked the car right in
front of that deli. Come on let's get out of here!”
“Not
so fast, sinners!” Sister Francis shrieked as she marched up to
Sharon and Linda. “I have decided to recommend to Mother
Margaret that you two be expelled from Santa Maria at once! When we
get back there, you will get into the shower and get cleansed of your
sins! Then you will go back to your dorms and read the story of
Dolores Hart; a young woman who gave up the evils of Hollywood, and
to serve God instead of Man! Except for Mass, you two will stay in
your dormitories for the entire weekend! Sister Catherine will bring
you your meals. First thing Monday morning, right after breakfast,
you will pack your things and report directly to Mother Margaret's
office! She will notify your parents! Then you'll be turned over to
the juvenile authorities in Santa Barbara! You are no longer welcome
at Santa Maria!”
“Oh you can't tell our parents, Sister!” Sharon cried out. “My folks will kill me!”
“And we don't want to go to jail either, Sister!” Linda exclaimed. “Please don't turn us over to the Santa Barbara Police!”
“I'm sorry, Miss Davis!” Sister Francis thundered. “But I have to do this! You talk about being in prison! Santa Maria is Heaven compared to being at San Quentin! You chose to be a part of the world, and now you're going to pay for it! Up until now, no woman has ever been expelled from Santa Maria! And we are not about to expel anymore? You two are not suited for a life of prayer and meditation at Santa Maria or anywhere!”
“Good!” exclaimed Linda. “Go ahead and throw us out! I don't care! I hate it there! And I hate you! You ugly old witch!”
With another sharp blow across Linda's face, Sister Francis screamed, “Don't you ever talk to me like that again! Do you hear me? Now get in the car! Both of you! We are going back to Santa Maria at once!”
Shoving them inside the car, Sister Francis continued her tirade. “Take one last look at Hollywood girls and say goodbye! Because you're not going to see it again! Your punishment from Mother Margaret awaits!”
“You wanna bet?” Linda snickered. “We'll be back! You just wait and see!”
“That's enough, Miss Davis!” “Sister Francis screamed. “Now I don't want to hear another word out of you two!”
With Linda and Sharon seated in the back of the car, and still soaking wet, Sister Francis drove down Sunset Boulevard to the Pacific Coast Highway. Leaving behind the bright lights of Hollywood, they headed back to the peace and quiet of the Santa Ynez Mountains and Santa Maria.
Copyright © 2016 by Lisa Fagan
My opinion letters and personal essays have appeared in The News of Delaware County, The Delaware County Daily Times, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Philadelphia Daily News, The Main Line Times, People Magazine, Working Woman Magazine, The Star, and The National Enquirer. My personal essay, The Other Side of the Sixties, won Honorable Mention in Byline Magazine’s Personal Essay contest in December, 2006. Hobby Farms Magazine also published some Green Acres trivia questions in its July/August, 2007 issue. One of my other short stories, From Africa to Hawaii via Brooklyn, was just published in the August, 2013 issue of Conceit Magazine.