Jed Smith stood in shock by one of the rescue pickup trucks as he watched the tow truck pull what was left of his 1989 Jaguar up onto the switchback that had been the end of it all. He couldn't stand to look at it, yet like passerbys fascinated by mangled bodies, he couldn't help but take furtive glances at it out of the corner of his eye. All four tires were torn outwards, there were huge dents on every side, and the engine with all its torn wires was gurgling out of its container. How could his nearly new Jaguar which he had been so proud of have become like this? Upon seeing the corpse of his vehicle, his precious transportation, Jed wept like Jesus on the cross.
"Why me?" he cried, beseeching the heavens for an answer. The sky was belligerently silent as though mocking him.
The damnable thing about it is he was just about due to make his last payment on it, payments which he was making off his Visa card. This was admittedly a stupid thing to do, but since he had become abruptly unemployed six months ago, he couldn't see anything else to do. To make things worse, he had canceled his full coverage insurance a few months ago in exchange for collision only. Now he would make no money off this incident. Oh, irony of ironies. Meditating on this, Jed wept even more.
One of the rescue men came up and patted him on the shoulder, saying: "There, there, it happens to the best of us, son." He offered him a slug from a flask of brandy, which Jed drank heartily and a pack of cigarettes, which Jed smoked one chained upon another.
"The thing about this is you just never think something like this would happen to you!" pontificated Jed philosophically.
"Yeah, I know, I had a great pickup one time. Just broke my heart to see it all broken up in a ditch one night. I know how it is, son."
Jed couldn't understand what got into him to come way out to this godforsaken place in the middle of nowhere. When he saw what the road was like climbing up Table Rock mountain, he freaked, seriously considering turning back, only there was no where to turn back on those hairy switchbacks. He wondered if he was subconsciously suicidal.
Nevertheless, he finally got all the way up there, the engine working harder than it ever had in its existence. As would be expected, there were hardly any cars parked up there. There was a picnic area that was surprisingly well-kept and idyllic. He parked the car and proceeded to go on his hike.
It was more like a rock climb than a hike. There were a lot of scary places where one could easily just walk off a cliff. It took him a while to get up there, huffing and puffing, then he was at the top. He faced cliffs a mile high all around. He was dizzy just looking at it all. He peeked over the cliffs down into the precarious Linville Gorge. He had memories of when he was a teen when he and his boy scout troop did some hairy hiking down around there. He also did some terrifying climbing here when he was in Outward Bound a while later. He felt blessed to survive that program alive. Never again.
His one and only time he had climbed to the top before was on his last day of Outward Bound. He remembered a glorious view that day, crystal clear. He could see all the way over to the vast Black Mountain Range and Mountain Mitchell, the highest peak on the eastern United States. He could see far out into the lowlands across the Piedmont hills. He was blown away that day, he remembered. So he always wanted to come back here again.
Just the day before, he had spent the night on Mountain Mitchell. It was beautiful but cold that night. But ah, what a delicious pure night it was. The clouds rushed by just barely overhead past the face of the shimmering moon. When he was atop Mount Mitchell, the one feature that kept crossing his eyes was Table Rock Mountain in the distance, so he resolved to himself that he would climb up there during this camping trip.
However, this time the view was very morbid and cloudy. One could not see more than a couple of miles, which made it rather disappointing. Jed stayed awhile then made his way carefully back down. Somehow the sordid view put him in a foul mood. He thought about camping in the picnic area but there were "No Camping" signs all over and no water to be had. He wondered if it was time to end his camping trip.
He dreaded the ride back down that steep and dangerous road. He kept his car in lowest gear and pounded on his brakes.
Then at a particular junction, out of the blue, a peculiar faintness came into his brain. It was all too much for him. He suddenly found himself hanging upside-down fifty feet off the road in the woods, strapped firmly in his seatbelt.
He could not understand how he had wound up there so abruptly. His initial thought was that he had just run half-way off the road, though that didn't explain why he was hanging upside-down. Then he realized the doors were shut tight and he couldn't just open them. Like a trapped animal, he suddenly screamed in panic. He unbuckled his belt and dropped to the ceiling. He squirmed out one window to the right side that had been completely smashed.
He crawled up to the road, wondering what to do next. His initial thought was he'd walk down the road to the Outward Bound camp there and call for help. Then a car came by carrying a couple. He tried to flag them down, but they swung by him like he was the bogeyman. He looked down at himself. He was all covered with mud and filth. No wonder. Another car came by. They stopped and asked him what was wrong. Good Samaritans. They had a CB with which they called for help.
While Jed waited for help, he thought about all the shit he'd gone through lately. He had been laid off from his rather nice job as an engineer at a factory six months ago. He'd been working there for twelve years, then one day, just like that, he came into work and found his desk cleared. They just told him they were making adjustments and planned to move the whole operation to Atlanta. Sorry, that's the way it goes.
He tried to get his job back and even spent a lot of money on a lawyer to try to sue the people. The lawyer finally threw in the towel. The company told him not to give them as a reference. His work history was fucked. He couldn't even get unemployment. He tried to get Social Security on the cause that he was a nervous wreck, but that didn't work out either.
While pursuing these unpalatable tasks, he also job-hunted. And job-hunted. And, boy, did he job-hunt. He looked in the papers. He went to agencies. He went door-to-door. He was even reduced to trying to get work in fast-food places out of sheer need, but they thought he was strange to be applying there. He wrote and re-wrote his resume, attending resume-writing workshops in search of the magic formula that will get employers to take notice of you. He hung out in networking groups where everybody was pretending to be helping one another out, but in reality, they were doing cut-throat competing with one another. Nothing worked.
While he was contemplating the very real prospect of becoming a homeless person and considering investing in some good camping equipment for this eventuality, his girlfriend of three years duration decided to leave him. She left a note which read: "I just can't stand to see you wallow in self-pity. I can't be involved with someone who doesn't have his life together." Later, he discovered she was involved with the factory manager who laid him off. Cripes!
Now, perhaps you can get some sense of what Jed was really crying about that day. This business of losing his car, his only means to transport himself to a potential job, was the last straw.
After what seemed a long time for this was an isolated neck of the wood, the rescue men showed up along with the forest ranger, a state cop, and a hospital ambulance. The rescue men stood around chewing tobacco and spitting it out on the road, good old boys lewdly recounting some of the accidents they'd seen in their time. The hospital attendants insisted that Jed come along peacefully with them; after all, he might be seriously injured. The only way Jed could get them off his back was to sign a release form that he wouldn't be liable if he did turn out to be hurt.
The forest ranger was apparently the primary one who had these premises under his jurisdiction. He looked to be in his forties and had features that suggested he was a Native American, possibly a Cherokee Indian. He hovered near Jed close enough to sniff his breath and said:
"You been drinking anything up there!"
Jed sighed. Of course, they'd suspect that. "No," he replied wearily.
"You been smoking any dope!"
Oh boy, it was a good thing it had been a while since he quit after running out. Stuff was getting too expensive these days. "No," he was able to affirm honestly this time. That would be all he needed, to get busted on top of all this.
The state trooper was black. He just seemed amused, scratching his head as if to say white folks sure are odd these days. He poked around the car to verify there wasn't any illegal going-ons in there, then asked a few pointed questions, etc., etc. He drove away, saying he did all he could here, leaving it in the hands of the forest ranger.
After the car was towed away to its final resting place in a wrecker home, the forest ranger suddenly turned to him and asked him in a friendly way if there was anywhere he could take him. Jed asked him to take him home in Asheville if that wouldn't be too out of his way. The ranger said his home was down that way, so it'd be no problem. The ranger let him in and they drove away.
Jed couldn't think of what to say. This whole thing was embarrassing and traumatic. Now he was going to have to rely on the help of others, bereft of his transportation independence.
The ranger kept saying stuff like, "Does the CB radio bother you? I'll turn it off if you like." Jed was lost in his own world, utterly humbled by what had happened. Suddenly, his brain snapped off and he fainted.
The ranger stopped his truck and held Jed while he was like that. "So," he said, "you've been having fainting spells. Does that happen often?"
Jed didn't want to answer him, fearing getting into more trouble.
"Listen, don't worry about me. I'm cool. I'm not going to tell those other guys. Just ride this out."
Jed came to and started to weep uncontrollably. He cried like he'd never done in his adult life.
"You've had a bad life, haven't you?"
Then Jed broke down. He told the ranger everything, losing his job, his girlfriend, his car, possibly everything now.
The ranger looked at him compassionately and said: "I know, I knew this stuff the moment I saw you. You are a lost soul. Like billions and billions of others on this planet.
"You know, this is going to sound strange to you, but sometimes events like these have a hidden purpose. The situations that happen to you are the perfect ones at the time. That's what my grandfather the medicine man once told me when I was a little boy and I didn't know what the hell he meant at the time. Like you, I had to learn it the hard way."
"Yeah, sure, and I suppose now you're going to tell me if I ain't saved, I'm gonna go straight to hell, right?"
The ranger smiled in a strange way. "In a manner of speaking. But not the way you think.
"Stop and consider this whole thing for a minute. That car crash could have easily killed you. The gas tank could have ruptured and blown you up. I've seen it happen dozens of times. At the very least, you should have had something broken. You have no idea how lucky you are to have walked out of that completely unhurt."
"Yeah, I suppose I should count my blessings, huh?" Actually, Jed wished it had killed him.
"BUT IT WASN'T LUCK!" the ranger suddenly screamed at him. Jed looked at him in shock.
"There was some kind of intervention from your guardian spirit there. I think you were trying to kill yourself, even if you won't admit it. But your guardian spirit would not allow you to do that. Think about the fact that that truck came by with the CB to call us minutes after you were up on that road. Some mighty strange shit is going on here."
"Well, it is an odd coincidence, if you ask me. So what do you think it's trying to tell me?"
"I'm not sure, but there's something protecting you. I can see the protection field around you. The spirit called to me to come and intervene for you. Now do you want my help or not?"
"O.K., I'm game. Where do we go from here?"
"You're willing? Good! Now listen to me, for this is very important. Until I release you, you are to do everything I tell you. Do you think you can agree to those terms?"
"Well, it all depends..."
"NO CONDITIONS ALLOWED FROM RECIPIENT!"
Jed swallowed hard. Had he been captured by a psycho?
"Let's pretend that I'm your doctor, your friendly neighborhood witch doctor, we might say, and I know exactly what is best for you. To disobey my orders is to seriously jeopardize your life and possibly your sanity."
"Fine, doc, what do you have in mind for me?"
"First of all, we need to deal with your fear. If you are to succeed, you must give up what you are now deathly afraid of. We are going back to Table Rock Mountain!"
"Oh, no," Jed squirmed. "Anything but that!" That did it. He frantically tried to open the door although the truck was spinning around and turning back kicking up dust. It was locked.
"Sorry," said the ranger, laughing loudly, "you are under arrest. You are arrested by the Great Spirit and will be prosecuted according to the full extent of the Universal Law!"
"Well," sighed Jed, extremely uncomfortable by the turn of events, "what do I have to lose? I've lost everything else!"
The ranger winked at him. "That's the kind of attitude I like to hear. You have NOTHING to lose! Geronimo Ho!"
Jed had a hard time following his pace climbing back up. Boy, that ranger could climb up those rocks like a monkey. He guessed he did it all the time in the course of his living. As they climbed, the ranger stated (like a good tourist guide for the perplexed):
"These mountains in this Linville Gorge area have always been sacred to my people. I can't help but notice the effect it has on many white people, too, those like you who are sensitive. You were drawn to this mountain because you realized you were at a stage in your life where you needed a Power Vision. You felt it years ago when you came as a younger man and now you feel it again. That probably accounts for the terror you also feel. What is Powerful is also terrifying, because it changes the whole way you live your life.
"Let's face it, Jed, your life sucks. That's why you had to say fuck it all and go on this Vision Quest.
"I was once rather like you years ago. I was a drunkard on the Cherokee Reservation, I gambled all my money away, and my wife finally left me. When I was utterly down in the dumps, I finally realized something had to change. I couldn't keep fucking it up or I was going to become an old drunk Injun living on what scraps I could get from the U.S. government. My grandfather would have been ashamed of me. The spirits of my proud ancestors who once roamed this primal land wild would have wept and torn their hair out!
"So one night I came to this mountain because I remember how I'd loved it when I was a boy. All of our kind can sense it when we are here. These are some of the most ancient mountains in the world. There is something very strong here that the spirit needs.
"I decided I would give up drinking that night and it was good. I gazed up and the stars and cried to them for an answer to my dilemma. Words will never describe what happened to me when that Vision broke through. I saw the spirits of my ancestors united with the spirits of those who are to come. When the morning broke, I saw very clearly how to become together again.
"A few years later, I became a forest ranger and studied how to protect this precious land from further molestation. I found a lovely bride. I never had a desire for alcohol again because I had discovered within myself a source of profound peace."
Although he was initially skeptical about this whole thing, Jed became increasingly touched. This Indian was speaking to something he had repressed inside himself for so long. It made him remember something he had forgotten about.
They built a large fire to keep warm. Strong winds began to blow that night, blowing the gloomy clouds away. The stars became crystal clear. The ranger handed Jed some beef jerky for dinner. They had fruit for desert. The Indian prepared a kind of herbal tea for Jed.
"Here, drink this, you're going to need it to keep up your strength for this night."
It had a peculiar bitter taste to it. Jed lit up a cigarette.
"Nah, don't drink any of that watered-down white man tobacco. Here, try this. This is the real stuff."
The Indian pulled out of his pack a long medicine man pipe that didn't look anything like the cheap gadgets you see in tourist stores. He packed it tight with a dark brownish weed. Ceremonially, he lit it with a lit stick from the fire and passed it on to Jed. "Peace, white man." he chuckled.
Jed exploded with coughing on the first drag. "Holy shit, what is this, the Indian's revenge on the white man? What did you PUT in this stuff!"
"Oh, just some home grown marijuana, mushrooms, and chopped morning glory seeds."
"WHAT!?"
"Hey, doctor's orders, man, remember?"
"Okay, okay!" Against his better judgment, Jed more cautiously took another drag. Hmmm, not bad. Really brings out the colors.
Next, the Indian pulled out a small home made drum that looked like the genuine thing made out of some animal skull and a skin strapped over the top.
"Now, I want you to bang away on this and play rhythmically on top of what I chant. Don't worry about how to do it. Just let the spirit move you."
The Indian proceeded to chant this peculiar song that sounded a bit like Middle Eastern music. Jed was perplexed at first, but as the weed hit him, he got the hang of it. After awhile, it seemed like they were doing it forever and ever, an eternity in the infinite now moment. This was better than any acid he'd ever dropped in his hippie days, that was for sure. Jed couldn't help it; although he didn't understand a word of what the Indian was chanting, he started chanting along in a counterpoint. After awhile, he kept getting the impression he knew what the words were, something like:
"Oh, Spirit Ancestors, I beseech You....
Oh, Spirits of Now, I beseech You...
Oh, Spirits Unborn, I beseech You...
Oh, Spirit in All, I beseech You...
Show me the Way!
Show me the Way!"
They got up and started dancing in circles around the leaping fire. They jumped and hopped. Jed got the impression they were leaping up further and further, as though they were steadily losing weight. But his rational mind averted, something else took over. Jed began to feel like he was possessed by something he couldn't put his finger on.
The Indian started removing his clothes. "Take off your clothes, white man!" he commanded.
"Oh, no, I'm not getting into any of that queer stuff, Injun" Jed muttered, half-giggling.
"Listen, white man, we must expose ourselves to the elemental spirits."
Feeling bizarre, Jed threw his clothes to the side. Although he should have been freezing, he didn't feel a thing. They continued to dance and chant. This was the night for utter wildness, to throw off all bounds of civilization.
Then around the depths of utter midnight with sheer chilly winds blowing ferociously upon them (which oddly Jed didn't still didn't feel), the Indian put a halt to the chanting.
"Now it is time to face your greatest fear. We are going to go flying!"
"I think you've been smoking too much weed, Injun! We can't fly." Jed had this image of what they'd always warned him about as a kid about the dangers of L.S.D., people jumping off buildings thinking they could fly.
"I'M NOT KIDDING AROUND HERE! WE ARE GOING TO FLY! NOW ARE YOU GOING TO LET GO OF YOUR FEAR OR NOT!"
"Look, we've been having a pretty good time, right? Why don't we just hang around the fire and sing and dance some more, huh?"
But the Indian just held his hand out to him. "Come, face your fear."
Fuck it, if they were going to wind up walking off a cliff, that was as good a way to end it all as any. Better than that stupid world out there. "Yeah, sure, Medicine Man, I got nothing to lose."
"Right, white man, you have nothing to lose. None of us have anything to lose. That's the big stupid illusion - that we have anything at all - that keeps us trapped."
Holding hands, Jed's hand trembling like a man being led to the firing squad, the Indian's firm and confident, they walked to the edge of a cliff overlooking the Linville Gorge. Far below, they could hear the roaring of the Linville Falls.
"You see, we think we are bound by the laws of the earth, but since we are spirits, we can override those laws, if we choose. You need someone like me to give you a push. Just hang on tight to my hand and no harm will befall you. Time to get out of the nest, little birdie."
And with that, Jed noticed he was suddenly utterly weightless. Holding onto the Indian's hand, they were flying like birds high, high above the Linville Gorge. At first, Jed closed his eyes in terror, having vague memories of all the times he'd gone rock-climbing in Outward Bound praying he wouldn't fall. Then he opened them again, curious if perhaps he was just hallucinating this whole thing.
Wow, it was still there. Jed stared at it all in awe and wonder, his fear leaving him. Hey, this was fun! They must have been soaring a mile above Table Rock Mountain, the fire just a tiny dot way below them. He looked in the distance toward the mysterious Brown Mountain Lights. Indian legend has it those are the spirits of grief-stricken squaws seeking the bodies of their braves who had fought so hard to keep this land from being possessed by the white man.
Then the Indian let go of his hand. Jed started falling at first, then somehow he willed himself to soar. He found that by using his will he could guide himself to go wherever he wanted. This was great! Independently, he flew over to the other side of the Gorge to sit on a rock cliff to gaze at Table Rock Mountain in the darkness from afar. Man, if people knew how to do this stuff, they wouldn't need cars at all! It would completely change civilization!
Just as an experiment, he tried flying upwards to see how high he could go. Effortlessly, he flew up miles and miles until he was far into the stratosphere. Then he was beyond that! He was floating without a spacesuit in the depths of space, gazing down at the Planet Earth. He could see the sun blazing brightly beyond and a crescent of light on the far eastern horizon-curve. The stars were, oh, so intensely brilliant out here! Wow! All around him, in the silence of space he heard an eerie music like the sound of thousands of Gregorian chants going at once. Could this be the Music of the Spheres?
He then heard a voice in his head: "Now you have some idea of the Magnitude of the Universe. Come back to Earth, white man, now you know the Secret of Power." Wow, he had E.S.P. too! Fanfuckingtastic!
They were back at the fire again dressed in their clothes. They passed the peace pipe around, a more mellow mixture this time. It was probably predawn now. How lovely were the stars above, even back down here!
"You have faced your fear. That was why you were drawn to come to this spot. Now you know that what you feared is of no accord. It's like a kid thinking there's a monster in the shadows and discovering its real nature."
"Yeah, you're right. This mountain scared the shit out of me, especially after that event today. I remember how I couldn't stand it when I had to climb it when I was in Outward Bound."
"Now, you're doing the opposite thing, so to speak. You're in Inward Bound now."
They laughed together over that one.
"You see, if it is possible for you to fly, and you have empirical proof of that tonight, it is also possible for you to change your reality. Reality is far more flexible than we are taught in these white man schools. They say reality has fixed laws and can't be changed, no matter what. However, a few discover that isn't really true.
"In a rather remote past, there were civilizations who also knew about this. However, they got carried away by their power, just as white man is carried away by the power of machines now, and destroyed themselves through greed. This power is to be used, not abused.
"When I discovered you today, you felt you had no power. That feeling was exactly what led you to wind up in the situation you were in. I think you are going to find that your reality is changed somewhat. I will assist you somewhat, but you must do the rest yourself.
"I must warn you to keep this power to yourself. If you start bragging about it, showing it off, or using it to make a million dollars, I assure you that you will lose it. Only those who have lost all will gain all."
The Indian tucked into his sleeping bag and dozed off to his Happy Hunting Grounds. Jed remained awake, so excited was he. He meditated upon the Indian's words. He gazed at the shimmering colors of dawn, his mind in a state of transcendent silence. He found the keys to unlock the doors that had been closed to him. The sunrise he saw that morning was the most beautiful he had ever seen. All around the view was crystal clear and he could see all the way to Mountain Mitchell where he had a lesser Power Vision a few nights ago.
The Indian forest ranger drove him back to his house. "I hope you will enjoy your new life to come. I will not see you again physically, but my spirit will be with you. Remember one thing, if you happen to see someone stranded on the Path of Life, do for that one what I have passed on to you."
Jed shook his hand in gratitude. He walked into his home with a little dread, wondering what the transference into the real world would be like.
There were a couple of messages on his answering machine. He turned them on and listened:
The first was from his ex-girlfriend: "Jed, that guy was a real fucker. Do you know he beat me up and threw me out while drunk last night! Jed.... I've been thinking... Maybe I've been mean to you... I've been realizing how much you mean to me... Please (sobbing)... Call me!"
Another was from an employer he'd applied to the week before (that he didn't expect to hear back from): "Hello, Mr. Smith! We've just reviewed your resume the other day and got an excellent reference from your previous employer! We think you'd be an excellent candidate for our firm! Could you please call us at your earliest convenience?"
A third was from his car insurance company: "Mr. Smith! So sorry to hear about your tragic accident. Although you'd canceled full coverage a few months ago due to pressing financial circumstances, you have always been such a faithful client to us and we'd like to help you out in this time of tragedy. Please give us a call as soon as you get in!"
Jed smiled to himself. Yep, his reality was changing already.