Friendship Foods

Everyone loves a gift of Cake, muffins, or bread and its recipe.  Just reading it makes you think of Mom’s fresh cookies warm from the oven.  There does however exist a dark side (sorry Luke) to this kind of gift.  A warm fuzzy recipe that continues to give until it hurts.  It will suck your will to live and cause you to use language at any church bake sale that would make the Pope kick out a stained glass window; so called "Friendship" foods.

These fucking foods (literally, they reproduce in front of you) will continue to live and multiply until you decide they die by starving, trashing, burning, flushing or otherwise ending their happy little reproductive lives. That’s right folks – just like kittens. Some claim ownership of Sourdough starters alive since the 1800's!! BULLSHIT -- or get a life.

Thanks to every woman’s friend YEAST – hero of beer, champagne and wine swillers everywhere. Fermentation, gift of the gods, will keep you in cake and buns through the Y2K apocalypse.

• You receive a "starter" from a friend (some kind of gak in a container)
• Pinkish liquid
• Cake Batter like substance
• Brownish fluid and some kind of round slimy thing
• You receive instructions on the care and feeding of your new little pet
• 10 to 30 days
• You receive a recipe to use a SMALL (let me stress the word SMALL again) portion of the resultant creature
• and finally instructions on how to spread the little plague (I mean cake)
• ALWAYS use glass or plastic containers (deli jars are great)
• NEVER use metal utensils while stirring

There are four types known by me, if you know of more please send me mail!

• Freaky Fermented Fruits
• Stinkin SanFranciscan Sourdough
• Evil Amish Friendship Bread
• Kreepy Kombucha

A side note should be reserved for Salt Rising Bread. A kind of do-it-yourself, spoiled milk, i might get food poisoning type of food.