The Marriage of Kate and Joel

How We Met.

The year was 1991. I was a freshman at Valparaiso University, and had a sophomore friend named Sean who knew just about *EVERYONE* on campus. He was a member of a men's music fraternity called Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia, which was nicknamed "Phi Mu" on Valpo's campus. One lonely October night, I was eating alone in the Union, and Sean came by just as I was paying for my pizza. He was wearing a sportcoat, white shirt, skinny black tie, dark pants, and sunglasses. "What the heck are you dressed up for?" "Heh," he said. "I have some friends I'd like you to meet."

There at the next table were two guys, dressed sort of like Sean was, except these two were wearing black sportcoats and ... hats? Like Fedoras. And sunglasses. At night. One was six feet tall, dark-haired, and *big*. This was Dave. He got up and kissed my hand. The other was six feet tall, skinny as a rail, and blond. This was Joel. :) He waved. They introduced themselves as "Jake and Elwood, The Phi Mu's brothers." Aieee.

Yes, they were on a mission-- to get a chair for one of their pledges to put in his dorm room. We left, walking across the tundra (a large open green space, in the middle of Valparaiso's campus, that now contains the Arts Center) and singing the Peter Gunn theme as we walked to the car. We ended up squeezing those three plus three other guys (one of which would eventually be a groomsman) into the car. And then they sat me in back on Sean's lap with my legs over Joel.

That's how we *met*. How we actually got together is a much more twisted story...

How We Got Together.

Later on that year, I had been dating a few guys, and had crushes on a few others. It was the typical craziness of a young girl finally meeting college men! Okay, maybe not. Still, my head was spinning, because I'd been not-quite-dating people left and right.

Just after I'd met Joel and Dave, Dave had set Joel up with a girl named Joy, and I was dating another Sinfonian named Matt. Then we all sort of amicably broke up. By this time, I was skipping my Thursday morning Calculus class and going to Joel's section when I didn't have French class. We started to study and review Calculus together, as well as seeing each other in class on Thursdays, and at the PMA fraternity house on the weekends (where Dave, Joel, Joy, Matt, Sean, *AND* I all played Dungeons & Dragons together. Yes, we were inbred. We know this).

Dave seemed interested in me for a while, which I was unsure about, because he also seemed interested in Joy (they went out a few times). So, one day, our good friend Sean told me, "I know someone likes you!" And then he giggled and ran off. This was shortly after I thought Dave was interested, so I thought maybe he meant Dave, but I wasn't sure.

You see, Joel had also begun to show some interest in me, during our "study" sessions and gaming sessions, and as we started hanging out together watching cheesy movies or listening to Dr. Demento late in the evenings. And it was taking up to an hour for us to say goodbye at the doors of the dorm, after visitation curfew started at midnight. And one night while we were reviewing, I *really* wanted to kiss those lips, and suddenly got scared. So I didn't know what to do. All I knew was that the all-campus formal was coming up, and I was sort of interested in maybe asking Joel, but I didn't know if he *really* liked me.

Near the end of the semester, the day before our Calc final, Sean and Dave called up and asked if I want to go comics-shopping downtown. It sounds like a plan to me, so we agree to all meet in my dorm. Sean showed up and went to visit his sweetie upstairs. Then, while I was watching my soaps on TV in the TV pit, Joel showed up alone. He came over and sat by me, and it sort of felt like he was watching me, or looking at me, but friendly. He offered me some cashews, and I mentioned some cheesy line about my favorite things being cashews, roses, and backrubs. I gave *everyone* backrubs. We sort of grinned over that, but nothing else came of it.

Dave showed up, together with Joy, and we chatted for a while. Now I felt like *she* was watching me! Weird. Dave went off somewhere, and Joy and I headed up to my room to pick up some stuff. On the way back down, we started talking about the guys. She said that Joel was looking at me the way he used to look at her! She was okay with it, but we were both confused about what Dave felt, and what we felt, et cetera. Of course, as we were talking, and I was telling her that I *did* like Joel, Sean ran past us. "Oh, geez," I thought, "he probably overheard."

We all went downtown, and stopped at the florist's shop. I bought two small rosebuds, one for my roommate for being a great person, and the other for Joel for being a great study partner. I didn't say that to anyone, though. But Sean leaned over and said, "Is that for your boyfriend?" I replied, "Um, you know I don't have a boyfriend, Sean!" and he said, "You could if you wanted to." Great. More puzzles.

We walked about, and eventually all got back to campus. Later that evening I was walking back to my dorm, and Sean was walking toward the Union, and we said hello. As he walked past, he said, "By the way, I know that someone might want to go to all-campus formal with you!" Before he could grin and run, I stopped him and made him explain things. He then said, "Ah, I was just kidding."

Now, you can imagine how this made me feel! I was not happy about having my emotions toyed with, so I started smacking him and beating his shoulder and arm, and finally got him to admit that he wasn't totally joking. I made him get dinner at my dorm, and come up to my room for a "little chat." So he did.

It ended up being twenty questions. He'd answer a few specific questions, but he was honor-bound to not reveal who it actually was! Arrrgh, gotta love fraternity guys. Anyway, I finally asked him, "Okay, was the guy you *first* said was interested in me, the same guy who is interested in me now?" "No," he said, "Good question!" So that's how I finally knew that Joel was truly interested in me.

The next day, I wrote out the note for the rose, saying, "We've shared some cashews, and here's a rose of thanks. Maybe I can reward you with a backrub! Good luck on the final!" I ran over to his dorm, walked up to the second floor, and put my hand on the knob. And then saw visiting hours. Women couldn't be on-floor until noon; it was only 10:00. What to do? I opened the door, and looked around for guys. The floor was clear-- good. I knocked on his door, right next to the stairs. "Yeah?" I hear from inside. I waited a breath, propped the rose against the door, knocked again loudly, and then ran down the stairs, out the door, and across the campus to my dorm, as fast as my little legs could carry me.

At 1:00, I got to the final, which all Calculus sections were taking together. This was in a different room with ramps down the sides of a stepped set of lecture tables. I looked up, saw him, waved, and kind of tripped. Oy. Major embarrassment. All though the test I stared at the back of his head. Afterwards, we walked over to my next final together, even though his tests were over. He'd gotten the rose.

Two days later, we agreed to go and sell our books back together. He was going to leave right after that, for winter break. So I got all of my books together in two plastic bags, and went over. It was cold and snowy, and I hadn't brought gloves, so my hands were really in pain by the time the line actually got *inside* the Union building! While we were waiting, he asked me to give him one hand. I did, and he massaged it and warmed it up. He then did the same with my right hand. It was sooooo nice. I tightly squeezed his hand when he was finished, and then loosened it, to let him remove his fingers from mine. And he didn't. He just kept his hand wrapped around mine, and brought the other around my waist, and we just stood there in the hallway, taking in the warmth and comfort...

During break, I called and asked if he wanted to do something when we got back, but he didn't say much. Oh well. He and I were still kind of shy at that point, I guess.

When we got back, he finally called me up and asked if I wanted to go with them (being Joy, Dave, Sean and he) to see Fantasia at the science center, where they showed movies every Tuesday and Friday and Saturday night. So we went. Again, he didn't say much. I had my hand out near his during the entire movie, but he never touched it, never took it. Now I was getting confused. Did the boy like me or not? On the way out of the hall, though, he finally took my hand in his, and we went for a walk and just chatted about stuff. It felt great.

Later on that night, we were back at my dorm, in the lounge downstairs. He and I were on a loveseat chair, and Dave was sitting to Joel's left in another chair. And the lounge was crowded! We were just chatting, and all of a sudden Joel turned around and gave me a kiss! Sort of on the cheek, not quite on the lips. I was so surprised that all I could say was, "You missed!" Luckily, he just grinned and said, "Fine!" and tried again, and got it right that time. : )

A few days later, before he left the dorm, he looked at me and asked if he could ask me something. I thought maybe it was something serious / bad. And he just looked at me and said, "Will you be my girlfriend?" "Of course!" I replied, and gave him a big hug. He just wanted to make sure. : ) That was on January 10, 1992. The tenth thus became our sort-of-anniversary in January and July from then on.

How We Got Engaged

(Modified from a message originally posted on soc.couples.wedding, alt.wedding, and to some friends over email...)

Okay, I know you guys want details, at least those of you I haven't already talked to. Basically, I decided that I wanted to propose, so I planned to have him take off work on January 7th, so he could come for the weekend befor our 4-year anniversary of January 10th. After much nervousness and "will I not chicken out???"-ness, I went out on New Year's Day to a local mall back home and bought a pair of white gold bands. So I put these and a card in my backpack and flew home to Joel's house on January 2nd, 1996.

So anyway, I wasn't planning on doing this on January 2nd, but we were having such a mellow time together, that it just felt right. So I told him to close his eyes, and that I wasn't planning to have done this "now" but what the hell. So I fished around in my backpack to make sure I had his box, (remember that I'd bought identical white gold bands-- it isn't easy to open a box up and tell...) and then sat on his bed in his room and asked him, "Will you marry me?"

Of course the boy was not expecting this. At first I thought he was going to say no, because he just looked down and sort of said, "Oh, Kaaaaaaate." But then, after a few seconds, he said, "YES! Of course I'll marry you." : ) Which of course shocked me, 'cause I wasn't sure if he would say yes. I then showed him the ring I'd gotten for myself, (just in case he DID say yes) and then he opened up the box and asked me right back.

Then we went out comic-book shopping while trying to figure out how to break it to his family. : P

Over dinner, we decided that we'd gather his dad and sisters and tell them first, and then call my parents up (they live in Maryland) and break the good news to them. Or so we thought. We got home, only to find that his sisters had gone off to a friend's house to watch the Fiesta Bowl, because one of their other friends was playing in the band during the game. So we decided to wait until they got home.

We called my parents, trying to be very quiet so we wouldn't spill the beans to his dad through overhearing and stuff. My dad answered, and before I could say anything after, "Hi Dad," Joel poked me and asked for the phone. So I just looked at him and he said, "I'd like to ask him for your hand." I, thinking it was sweet and cute, told Joel okay, and told my dad that Joel wanted to talk to him. He said, "Mr. Weizel, I'd like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage." : ) Of course Dad said yes. So we got mom on the phone as well, and all of us were quietly trying to talk about how it happened.

We then proceeded to call up a few other family and friends. We also finally found a number of the sisters' friend (whose name we couldn't remember and whose number is unlisted anyway!) and FINALLY convinced them to come home straight after the game. So about midnight on January 2nd, we finally announced it to his dad and sisters.

So there you have it. And on that note (hmmmmmmmh!) I'll end this before I get too mushy and make you guys ill. ; )

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