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| Big and Beautiful?? There is a weird trend these days towards "fat acceptance". There are Usenet Newsgroups for fat acceptance, media marketing is geared toward "Big and Beautiful" people. It's almost bizarre. Now, I'm not saying that we should hate our bodies, or anything, but we need to face reality here! Fat is unhealthy! We can gloss it over, call it the medical term "obese", or be nice and call it "big", but the fact simply is that it's FAT, and it's the number one factor in early death in the USA. It's hard on your heart, hard on your joints, terrible for your BP, and on and on! Big and Beautiful?? Hey, I'm a "beautiful" person, but I sure don't want to be "big"!! I hate buying "large" or "women" size clothes, and I don't know any man who really likes going to the "big and tall" shop. Very few of them are going there because they're 7 feet tall, mostly because they weigh enough to be 7 feet tall! I hate buying "Just My Size" pantyhose, and I really hate being told in "real life" that I'm "big, but beautiful" or even worse, that "inner beauty is what counts"! Akk! Why not just tell me then that I'm smart and funny, but I look fat and miserable?? (heh!) If I thought it was "beautiful", I'd stay that way. But sorry, I don't think it's beautiful, or healthy, so I'm changing that. When I was a senior in college I thought I was overweight - and I was, by about 20 lbs. I had a photo taken for my yearbook, and I want to cry now just thinking about it. I can look back to 1986 and see a beautiful girl who didn't even realize it *sigh* ... youth is wasted on the young, isn't it? Compared to now, with so much more to lose, I was stick-thin back then, and even then I was "miserable" over what society said I "should" weigh. A few years, and more than a few pounds, later I was at my mother's house and she was showing the photos to one of my brother's friends, a guy that I kind of thought was cute. We had a rather embarrassing moment of dead silence when he pointed at my picture, while I was standing right there and asked "who is that?" - and I could have sunk into the floor. He didn't even recognize that picture as me, and I was standing right there! Worst part was the obvious admiration he had in his voice when he asked... Now I know I'm never going to look like I did in 1986 again, but I see no reason not to set a goal of getting down to about that weight range again. And sorry, and maybe some will hate me for saying it, but "big" is NOT beautiful to me. I don't want to be "big", that's what I'm fighting and praying for with all the strength that I have. Maybe it seems shallow and like focusing on "appearances" or something, but be honest, the world treats "big" people harshly, the world is mean to "big" people, and I'm tired of it, and tired of all the rest. I want to be healthy. I want to buy any clothes I think are pretty. I want to not worry about sitting in booths in restaurants, because the "fit" might be too tight. I want to run, and climb stairs without gasping for air. I want to be free from the pain in my joints. Telling yourself you're "big but beautiful" is a cop out. I'm sorry, but as far as I can see, it is just a way to give yourself permission to stay fat. There is no doubt at all that it's rotten that the ideal of "beauty" drives even "normal" girls to obsess on their weight and their looks and end up so thin you can count their ribs! But it's also rotten, mean and nasty that people won't hire an overweight person over a thin person. It's not fair that guys will take one look at the "bigger" lady and exit stage left (or the other way around). But life is not about fair, is it? If I sat around and cried and wouldn't do anything about it, and spent all day moaning and groaning about the way things "should" be, then you could send me to be fitted for a straight-jacket. Personally, I think a little anger is called for. I think that properly used, a little anger can be quite the motivating factor! I'm angry at the way society treats fat people, and I'm angry at the way some folks want to fool fat people into staying fat. I'm angry at the way some kids tease my son about his fat mother. And I'm angry enough that I'm going to change myself, and do the happy dance all the way down the front walk when I get into those old blue jeans again! I want to lose weight to LIVE, to see my son grow up. But I also want to "live", as in "live it up" a little. I want to be able to go out dancing and not huff and puff. I want to NOT have to "cover up" when I wear a bathing suit, unless I forgot the sunscreen! The way I look now is NOT good. Do I feel that I am NOT a super, terrific, wonderful, talented, amazing PERSON??? Noooooo! I most certainly AM!! LOL But the world is how the world is, and the world is missing out on a lot of great stuff when the person I AM is trapped in this massively "over-fleshy" package. So, I'm changing that. Being genuinely unappreciative of the extra girth and poundage and desiring deeply to get it OFF is *not* playing the game of "only loving myself if I'm a certain size" - and if no one loved me, unless I was that "certain size", well, I guess I sure wouldn't have people in my life who are doing just exactly that, loving me no matter what "size" I am. But for a first impression - it's inescapable - I am nearly 6 feet tall, and I'm BIG - hard to miss, like what's her name, from the Rocky movies... LOL
But I'm also *big*, as in fat, and I am NOT happy with that. I have no problems at all with being a tall, strong, imposing female. I have a lot of problems with being fat. And lying to myself about it won't help the situation any. |