Dreaming 
of Tears

Memories 
Once upon a time
A long time ago
Waking up with a start
Frightened, furious, staring
Wild-eyed and lost
Into the darkness.
Dreaming of tears. 

I remember you ...

Standing in my doorway
As the night shadows gathered
Sketch the moment in my mind,
Catch my breath and look up,
Trembling, nowhere to run,
Wondering what happens next...

And I remember...

We loved you, so much.
We feared you, so much.
Did it all become
The same thing, 
For you?

Anger, and fear
When I would wake up in the night
Tears in my dreams.
For years.

You were so afraid of becoming 
What you feared.
You were so horrified at the thought
Of becoming what you hated.

And along the way
You became 
What we feared
Most of all.

How sad... 
             ...inexpressibly
                                  Sad...

I grieve for you now.
For who you could have been
For the light I could see
Behind the fear in your eyes

I found a miracle
I found Peace
Letting go of anger
Grasping the gift
of Forgiveness 

Once upon a time,
I overheard you say that
You lost your faith...

How sad... 
             ...inexpressibly
                                  Sad...

All I have is my faith.
And my faith tells me, 
For sure and forever,

I will never become my fear.
I will never become my anger.
I will never become my hurt.

No matter how often I wake up
Dreaming of tears

Oh yes, they still come
Every once in a while
But now I weep for your lost dream
And I pray for your wounded soul.

I am free.  
I pray that someday 
You will be.

Now, I look into the eyes of love
I live with the eyes of faith
I am surrounded by the Spirit of hope,
And I will not look back
Into the darkness.

For there is love,
And there is hope,
And there is life,

When we wake up,
Beyond the tears.

by Lisa Alekna
1997