How to get along on the planet, follow Christ,
and have a good time while you're at it.

Hey, you know how it always feels like no one understands you? That you say stuff and no one "gets" it? That if it's important, it seems that you just can't get the idea across? And you end up just not talking to anybody, or just hanging with the same crowd, 'cause it starts to feel like it's just not worth the effort.... How come all that happens? Why can't you say what you mean? Why DON'T they understand where you're coming from?

You just gotta learn the skills, y'know? Dealing with people is kind of like playing a guitar, some people can do it from birth, practically, and it comes naturally. But the rest of us need to actually learn how to do it, learn where to put your fingers for the notes, put them together into chords, put that all together into a song. We learn the basics, then we learn the cool stuff! So, what I've put together here is kinda like a guitar lesson, except it's a people lesson.

Part one: If you want someone to like you,
then don't kick their dog...

I'll tell ya, I sure wish I'd run across this quote by Ben Franklin sooner - (yes, I said "Ben Franklin", the old bald guy on the money...)

"I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do, but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving."

Probably could have saved me a lot of trouble... It took me a long while to figure out that what I took as a "logical discussion", other folks took as criticism, or arguing, and what I thought was sharing my "stuff", came across as complaining! Who knew?!? Actually, everyone knew, except me, that is... That ever happen to you?

We all do it. Come home from school, and if someone asks you how your day was, you haul out every miserable, crummy thing that happened that day, from forgetting the book you needed, to that jerk at lunch, to how awful lunch was, to that idiot teacher that didn't want to listen to what you had to say. Crank, crank, crank! Who want's to hear it? No one. Problem is, you want to get it out, like a steam pipe about to explode, you want to vent. You don't even stop to breathe, much less actually think! So, what do you do?

Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Isn't that what you want folks to do for you? Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. What is that all about anyway? That's a lot more profitable and interesting that criticism! And besides, it will get you sympathy, tolerance and kindness in return! If you give it, then you get it, get it?

For example, I have a friend, well a guy I know, who was at someone's house for the first time. They were talking in the kitchen, exploring what the different things they liked to do were, music they liked, that sort of thing. They were trying to figure out what they wanted to do for the day, but they were really, underneath it all, checking each other out. You know, getting to know each other.

The guy's dog wandered into the room, and started sniffing at my friend, and you know how dogs are, his nose went right where you don't want it to go! My friend shoves the dog away, and the guy kinda apologizes and tells the dog "no"!! But what does the other guy, my friend, do?

Well, he wasn't too, too diplomatic, shall we say... He kicked out at the dog, started to shout something, and spent the next 10 minutes yakking about the how obnoxious the dog was... I mean, here the dog's owner apologized like crazy, and put the dog out, but my friend just kept on and on, complaining about the darn dog, just letting himself rant, on and on and on, 'cause he was aggravated.

Well, when you're aggravated, it sure does feel real good to go off on a rant, but who wants to hear it? Needless to say, these two guys never did much that day, and never really got together again!

What do you do, when something happens? Rant? Vent? Grouch, moan, tell everyone who'll stand still long enough? What if you looked at the other guy's point of view? I bet the guy with the dog, maybe he was glad to have this guy over, then, after listening to him rant for 10 minutes, just mad, and embarrassed. And when you're mad at someone and you feel embarrassed, well, you don't generally hang out with that person any more, do you?

Man, if that happened to me, I'd want to just crawl under the table! And ya, I'd be mad at the dog the dog too! But, I imagine that he was thinking something like "But hey, it's MY dog, and no one's gonna kick  at MY dog, or yell at him, or call him dumb, even if he is!!  Man, the dog's just excited, can't this guy understand that? The dog didn't mean any harm!  Fine then, let's get you settled down, straightened out, and you can just get right on out of here, and I hope you don't come around again!" (See what I mean?)

We all have habits. They rule our lives. Whether it's if you brush your teeth first, before breakfast, or do it after, or study with the TV on or off, we all have habits that tend to make us do what we do, without thinking about it! Ask yourself, "What has habit been doing to me?" Are you in the habit of finding fault, complaining, judging others? It's not that you don't like someone, or love someone, it's just you have this habit... and the words just come flying out of your mouth!

And if you think about it, there is so much that is good, and fine and wonderful in those people that are our friends and family, but when do we ever tell them? Not too often, huh? We're not in the habit, are we? We need to pay attention to our habits.

Rule 1 : Don't criticize, condemn, or complain

Rule 2: If you love someone, tell them!