By John Lind Terelle:
I am an active man, often seen bungie jumping and making "little ones out of big ones". Once, while summering in the south of France, I made a hang glider out of a plastic trash bag and Brie and flew to the island of Elba. I have an unerring sense of direction, unflagging endurance, and plenty of change for the meter. I fight crime.
In the late 80’s I had a sex change to become a surrogate mother. In the early 90’s I changed back to become a surrogate father. Children trust me. Musicians worldwide emulate my stage presence. In my spare time, I direct the holiday pageants at the local penitentiary. I am acoustically transparent. I am the yardstick by which others are measured. To pass the time in the evening, I compose symphonies based on local news items.
On a recent junket to Tokyo, I performed Wagner’s "The Ring" to a house of 12,000 using only a mechanical pencil and a Sears 64 piece socket set. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I am the Chaka Zulu. I found Shangri La, but didn’t write the directions down. I have wrestled with temptation and won two out of three. I have "Star Quality". I can circular breathe. For years I have supplied the sherpas of Tibet with prize-winning llamas.
I have performed feats of strength in travelling carnivals. I have been known to balance bicycles on my chin for days at a time. I am an omnivore. My ice sculptures of common household items have garnered international acclaim. I have won marathons in New Zealand, bobsled races in Switzerland, and pie eating contests in Des Moines.
