Keeping Politics in Perspective
1001 INSULTS, PUT-DOWNS & COMEBACKS
By Arthur H. Kroll
You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner. -- Aristophanes
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. -- George Bernard Shaw
Reader, suppose you were an idiot; and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. ----- Speaker of the House Thomas Reed of two fellow congressmen
Here richly, with ridiculous display,
The Politician’s corpse was laid away.
While all of his acquaintance sneered and slanged
I wept: for I had longed to see him hanged.
-- Hilaire Belloc, “Epitaph on the Politician”
He is racist, he’s homophobic, he’s xenophobic and he’s sexist. He’s the perfect Republican candidate. -- Bill Press about Pat Buchanan
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it. -- P. J. O’Rourke
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. -- Dave Barry
Any political party that can’t cough up anything better than a treacherous brain-damaged old vulture like Hubert Humphrey deserves every beating it gets. They don’t hardly make ‘em like Hubert any more – but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway. -- Hunter S. Thompson on Vice President Hubert Humphrey
An empty suit that goes to funerals and plays golf. -- Ross Perot on Vice President Dan Quayle
When Al Gore gives a fireside chat, the fire goes out. -- Bob Dole
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. -- Abraham Lincoln on a political opponent.
His argument is as thin as the …soup that was made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had been starved to death. -- Abraham Lincoln on Stephen A. Douglas
Excerpted from 1001 Insults, Put-Downs, and Comebacks editedby Steven D. Price. Copyright © 20056 by Steven D. Price. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission Lyons Press, a division of The Globe Pequot Press. $14.95. Available in local bookstores or click here.
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