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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Good Times and Noodle Salad
disfunctional life form spinning in space
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Quote for the day:
"There will always be good reasons not to do something, or to do something else, the world is full of women more beautiful than your wife, you can never choose the best car, there's always a cheaper air fare. What's most important is that you choose and get on with your life."
" - CHUCK PALAHNIUK (from Pop Matters Interview)
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Monday, April 28, 2003
look at me. I'm posting.
Monday, April 28, 2003
Thursday, July 11, 2002
I may have to leave Arlington soon. The crime is getting way out of hand. These things are actually printed in the Police log from my town.
At 6:46 p.m., a dog walker reported that a jogger threatened her canine while they were walking at Menotomy Rocks Park.
(Hey doggy dog, I'm gonna kick your ass right infront of your owner. Put up your dukes ......... ah, I mean paws.)
At 7:21 p.m., a Rhinecliff Street resident reported that some-one glued a dead pigeon inside a motor vehicle.
(Well, that's what you get for leaving your car windows down. Didn't your Mom ever tell you to lock the car or some one will crazy glue a pigeon to your dash?)
At 10:29 a.m., Police provided advice to a man having difficulty with an ATM.
(Ok sir, put in your card real slow so I can see, now, don't turn around, push up close to the machine, CLOSER! CLOSER! now, put in your pass code ........... don't worry, no one is going to walk away with out money today, just take it easy)
At 7:30 p.m., a woman notified police that a man exposed himself to her while she was walking on the Donald R. Marquis Minuteman Trail. The Man is in his 40s with a beard and was described as having a "big belly".
(It must have been a really big belly if thats all she can remember seeing)
Thursday, July 11, 2002
Friday, June 28, 2002
Here are some absurdities that I ran across today:
SYDNEY, Australia -- A man who broke his arm when he slipped on a greasy bar floor caused by a patron who wore pork chops for shoes won more than $33,600 in compensation.
-Yes folks that’s right. Apparently the “pork chop shoe” was the brain child of a patron in a bar who was told he would not be served any more alcohol because he had no shoes. So he taped pork chops to his feet and called them shoes. And just where does a person get pork chops in a bar you might ask? You win them in a bar meat raffle of course! Sounds to me that they where just asking for something like this to happen.
In other news, my home town news paper reported that the local police where called by an individual who upon returning from vacation found several shampoo bottles knocked over in his tub. The police reported that even though they found that the window had been left open, nothing was missing from the home. Hmmmm? What could have happened? Spooky. I wonder if this man's vacation was in Australia and if there was a faint smell of pork when he walked the police to the scene of the crime.
Friday, June 28, 2002
Wednesday, June 26, 2002
I’m not sure if it was the chili, the lamb kabobs or the cheese cake, but something grabbed a hold of me at around 2:34pm today and demanded my attention if you know what I mean. There was no negotiating the situation. Not even a chance. As a matter of fact, I was pretty sure I was going to lose and it caused a look of surprise and fear that I’m sure if noticed by another soul, would have prompted the question, “Holy hell! Is there anything I can do for you?” To which my reply would have surely been, “Sweet fuck, you better step aside or the two of us will never forget this for as long as we live so help me God”. I thank the heavens above that there was nobody in my way.
Upon reaching the bathroom I had that feeling of dread, that even though I had made it this far, I was still a few seconds too late. There must be something that happens in the human brain that sends signals to the body when a predicament like this happens.
Brain: Ok, where in. Where right where we are suppose to be. Reduce all holding power to 50% , open the upper gates and get the pushers in place. Over.
Body: Where not close enough! We’ve seen this before. We haven’t locked in to the port. We aren’t seated. Your putting lives at stake here. Over.
Brain: I am the commanding officer here, Do it now! Over.
Body: Yes sir. Over and out. You heard the brain! Let’s get ready to rumble.
Being forced into battle I had no choice but to charge forward into the first stall.
Body: Abort, Abort! May day, Pull the pushers back. Maintain holding power. There has all ready been a battle here.
Sure enough, some inconsiderate asshole (no pun intended) had not flushed the toilet and this was not the “kick, flush and sit” opportunity I was hoping for. Some cleaning up had to be done here. I didn’t have the time, nor would I even consider it. I asked myself, why on green earth would I be running into this situation in an office building filled with educated adults? Grown men for Christ sake? Who doesn’t flush in this day in age? I mean, honestly, with out getting too graphic, this man had to, absolutely had to know that this toilet needed to be flushed. You don’t forget to flush after a shit like that. You just don’t. Not unless you where knocked unconscious, which very well could have been the case. I mean, This mess belonged on www.ratemypoo.com and it deserved a 10. If only because this guy survived ……. I think. For fuck sake, who raised this guy?
As I turn to go to the next stall I decide I don’t even want to sit next to this mess. It’s that bad. So I go one more over and wouldn’t you know it, in my time of need and great anticipation I am looking at another unflushed toilet. I’m not kidding here ……… I wish I was. There was no time to even consider the possibility of using this stall. I went straight to the handicapped stall. It was perfect, and lucky for me too because it was time.
After taking care of business, I thought about the poo leaving, dooshbags one more time. I concluded that they simply must have literally shit their brains out in the ordeal. I can't think of any other explaination for such a jerk-ass thing to do.
Wednesday, June 26, 2002
Wednesday, June 19, 2002
Subaru yanks rabbit ad after complaints
By Associated Press, 6/18/02
LAFAYETTE, Ind. - Not everyone felt warm and fuzzy about the bunny featured in a Subaru commercial.
After numerous complaints, the car company pulled a commercial for the Subaru Forester that featured a mother and daughter removing a rabbit from a classroom and releasing it into the woods.
The House Rabbit Society, a nonprofit national rabbit rescue organization, said it is dangerous and illegal to release a domesticated rabbit into the wild.
"This commercial is extremely disturbing to us. We have been deluged with calls and e-mails from all over the country," said Margo DeMello, president and executive director of the group.
Subaru claimed the animal shown in the ad was a wild breed of rabbit. Still, the company decided to yank the ad after the complaints.
The House Rabbit Society is now urging members to contact Subaru and thank the automaker for its quick response.
Are you kidding me? I don't even know what to think of this. There is actually an organization called "The House Rabbit Society"! An organization for the betterment of rabbits?
"..... it is dangerous and illegal to release a domesticated rabbit into the wild". What? What the hell is so dangerous about it? Do they get disgruntaled and attack children and eat peoples gardens? Hey watch out behind you!!! Theres one of those Domesticated rabbits they warned us about ............ cover your ankles.
HEY! IT'S A FUCKING COMERCIAL PEOPLE!!!! IT'S NOT REAL! Believe it or not but The House Rabbit Society has nothing to worry about from me. I am not going to go start buying domesticated rabbits and release them into the wild because I saw it on a Subaru comercial. Just as sure shit I'm not going to splash my soon to be wife with a spray of mud as my all wheel drive Subaru Outback, being driven Crocadile Dundee, slides by her on my way to the church. Now that would be dangerous! That is something I would like to be warned about ahead of time. Why didn't we hear from "The House Wife Society" on that one? I'm sorry, I'm sure I screwed up there, "The Domestic Technician's Society" is what I meant to say.
Wednesday, June 19, 2002
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