Collected from the Odds & Ends Drawer

Frank's Trucker Hats on "30 Rock"

Frank is a character on the NBC comedy "30 Rock". Frank's a sketch writer who wears a series of trucker-style hats with "funny" phrases on them in block lettering. Here's your indispensible key to the many hats he's worn in each episode. While reading this table, just imagine the hat storage and retrieval challenges the costume department must face!

The Complete Season One
Episode	Airdate	Hat(s)
"Pilot"	10/11/06	NINJA EXPERT
Opening titles	starting 10/18/06	NINJA EXPERT	(Frank is shown in black & white)
"The Aftermath"	10/18/06	DONE DEAL
"Blind Date"	10/25/06	EXTRA SAUSAGE	JOYSTICK MASTER	DOUBLE CHEESE	JOYSTICK MASTER
"Jack The Writer"	11/1/06	NINJA EXPERT	ARCADE CHAMP	BIGFOOT EXPERT	NINJA EXPERT	ARCADE CHAMP	NINJA EXPERT
"Jack-Tor"	11/16/06	HAND HELD
"Jack Meets Dennis"	11/30/06	NINJA EXPERT	JOYSTICK MASTER	(We only see Frank wearing this hat from the back)
"Tracy Does Conan"	12/7/06	BIGFOOT EXPERT
"The Break Up"	12/14/06	OVER EASY	ESP TUTOR	KUNG FU BEECH
"The Baby Show"	01/04/07	RODS
"The Rural Juror"	01/11/07	KARATE SLUTS	BEEF N BEAN
"The Head and The Hair"	01/18/07	SMELLS
"Black Tie"	02/01/07	HIGH SCORE
"Up All Night"	2/08/07	EXTRA CHEESE
"The 'C' Word"	2/15/07	UFO COP	1,000,000 POINTS
"Hard Ball"	2/22/07	SQUEEZE IT	Frank is only in one scene of this episode, and we only see the left side of his hat. Originally thought to say "CHEEZE IT" Judah was on the popular radio show The Radio Chick on March 7, 2007 and dismissed it.
"The Source Awards"	3/01/07	COOL AS ICE	TIME TRAVEL AGENT
"Fighting Irish"	3/08/07	?	LIZ ROCKS	Frank appears in the cold open, but only briefly and in the distance. It looks like a grey hat, but we can't read any logo on it. "LIZ ROCKS" was presumably made special when he learned that Liz Lemon was required to make layoffs.
"Fireworks"	4/05/07	MASH POTATOS	BEEF RAVIOLI	ATOMIC SUPER KICK
"Corporate Crush"	4/12/07	MYSTERY SOLVER	BAHAMA TRAPEZOID
"Cleveland"	4/19/07	ALABAMA LEGSWEEP
"Hiatus"	4/26/07	FORCE FIELD	ALIEN KNIGHT FORCE

Nathaniel's Favorite Christmas Records

• A Christmas Gift For You | Phil Spector (1963)
• The Spirit Of Christmas | Ray Charles (1985)
• Elvis' Christmas Album | Elvis Presley (1957)
• A Charlie Brown Christmas | Vince Guaraldi Trio (1965)
• U2's cover of "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" | (1989)
• "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town" | Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band
  recorded live at C.W. Post College, Greenvale, NY 12/12/75, available only as the B-side of the "My Hometown" single

Nat's All-Time American Tour

Key: Never visited 18 states, including Alaska & Hawaii Drove through 7 states, and changed planes in Detroit MI, and Cincinnati OH Visited 15 states plus Washington DC for 1-6 days Visited 5 states for a week or more Lived in Maine and Massachusetts

Amusing E-Mail Subject Lines

• Anyone looks good in a latex dress!
• Ben Folds presents: The Battle of Who Could Get Hypothermia
• Cats? guinea pigs? who can say?
• Danny Devito, Bob Hoskins, yes. Shaquille O'Neal? not so much.
• Diana Ross on ice...so...many...jokes...
• Dumping some ginkgo biloba into the President would be equally funny...
• Grab Grab The Haddock? I never heard of them!
• How about Thai Toast? Swiss? Guatemalan?
• I am actually full of farfalle.
• I still go for abbreviation and alliteration: "The Tentacle-Telegraph," maybe?
• I think "Bill Gates" would be even funnier...oh, wait...
• I think i've made my position on the towels perfectly clear... ;-)
• If there's no Diet Coke I don't want to be part of your revolution!
• I'll have a box of Bland & Pointy's, please.
• Are you in the market for 660 scissors?
• Why does Mr. Peanut use a cane?
• It's Fresca-riffic!
• Look, up in the sky! It's Sophisticated Super-Irony Girl!
• Oh really? Have you ever BEEN to Staten Island?
• Ooh yeah, that sounds more Audrey Hepburn, less "Cliffs of Insanity!"
• Santa: jolly old elf or innocence-shattering web of lies?
• So now they are *financially* bankrupt as well?
• That jiggling is "female empowerment"
• What, no 'Hounds of Love'? oh right, you're not a chick.

Other People Born On January 17 Besides Me

• Zooey Deschanel (actress, "Almost Famous") 1980
• Brad Fullmer (DH, Anaheim Angels) 1975
• Freddy Rodriguez (actor, "Six Feet Under") 1975
• Kid Rock (musician/Pam Anderson's boyfriend) 1971
• Bart Freundlich (actor/director/married to Julianne Moore) 1970
• Genndy Tartakovsky (creator of "Powerpuff Girls" and "Dexter's Laboratory") 1970
• Joshua Malina ("Sports Night", "The West Wing") 1966
• Jim Carrey 1962
• Susannah Hoffs (The Bangles) 1959
• Paul Young (musician, "Every Time You Go Away") 1956
• David Caruso actor (NYPD Blue) 1956
• Steve Earle (musician) 1955
• Robert F Kennedy Jr attorney (Natural Resources Defense Council) 1954
• Kevin Reynolds (director: "Robin Hood-Prince Of Thieves", "Waterworld") 1952
• Ryuichi Sakamoto (composer) 1952
• Andy Kaufman (comedian) 1949
• Mick Taylor (Rolling Stones 1969-1974) 1948
• Muhammad Ali 1942
• Maury Povich TV host ("A Current Affair"/Mr Connie Chung) 1939
• James Earl Jones 1931
• Vidal Sassoon 1928
• Eartha Kitt 1927
• Betty White 1922
• Al Capone 1899
• Mack Sennett (Keystone Studios founder) 1880
• Benjamin Franklin (kite flyer/statesman/wit/inventor) 1706

NATHANIEL: Now More Than Ever!

Year	Ranking
1900	266th
1905	211st
1915	183rd
1925	200th
1935	204th
1945	224th
1955	241st
1965	152nd
1975	81st
1985	87th
1991	85th
1992	83rd
1993	78th
1994	79th
1995	74th
1996	71st
1997	67th
1998	59th
1999	63rd
2000	64th
2001	64th
2002	65th

Homer Simpson's Jobs

Homer: [speaking to Marge] You know, I've had a lot of jobs: boxer, mascot, astronaut, imitation Krusty, baby-proofer, trucker, hippie, plow driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carny, mayor, grifter, bodyguard for the mayor, country-western manager, garbage commissioner, mountain climber, farmer, inventor, Smithers, Poochie, celebrity assistant, power plant worker, fortune cookie writer, beer baron, Kwik-E-Mart clerk, homophobe, and missionary. But protecting Springfield, that gives me the best feeling of all.

20 Ways To Tell A Man His Fly Is Unzipped

• The cucumber has left the salad.
• I can see the Gun of Navarone.
• Someone tore down The Wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
• You've got Windows on your laptop.
• Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
• Your soldier isn't so unknown now.
• Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
• You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
• Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
• Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
• Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
• Mini-Me is making a break for the escape pod.
• Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
• The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
• Dr. Kimble has escaped!
• You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
• Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
• You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
• I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
  and The Number One Way to Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped...
• Men are From Mars, I Can See Your Penis.

Ten Ways To Tell A Woman Her Fly Is Unzipped (thanks Anita!)

• Miss Otis regrets she's able to lunch today.
• Victoria's not so secret at the moment.
• Your Underalls are quickly becoming overalls.
• Congratulations on coming out, I see you're wearing your pink triangle.
• Behold, the Cave of Wonder!
• You forgot to lock the Volvo. (shoutout to Tony Soprano!)
• I see they do make "Sunday" days-of-the-week underpants...
• Mind the gap.
• Monica, I'd rather catch a glimpse of the back of your thong.
• Can I give you a hand with that?

Boilerplate Breakup Letter

I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.

Check those that apply...

• Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
• Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
• The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
• Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms wholesale" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
• You failed the Twenty Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
• Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
• Your legs are skinnier than mine.
• You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
• You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.
• Your profession offers no possible benefit to me. Unless you can do my taxes, install a garbage disposal, or reshingle my roof, I'm not interested.
• The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
• The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
• You still live with your parents.
• Although I do enjoy The X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
• Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
• Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.
• Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
• Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.
• I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely, _____

The Law & Order Cribsheet

Nathaniel's Six Least Favorite Beatles Songs

• "Day Tripper" (1965) It has a great guitar riff, and the arrangement is dramatic, but this song shows the least personality of any Beatles single. "Day Tripper" always felt like a song Lennon and McCartney wrote as part of the daily chore of songwriting.
• "I Feel Fine" (1964) See above. The guitar riff is not as good as "Day Tripper", and the production is soaked in reverb. The opening feedback is cute for novelty flavor only.
• "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" (1967) This Sgt. Pepper track features all the psychedelia of "Strawberry Fields Forever", but without the creative spark. The arrangement is flat, the performances are stale. John Lennon always denied that the song's initials did not stand for "L.S.D.", but Lennon's singing sounds drugged to the gills anyway.
• "She's A Woman" (1965) This one makes the list of because Paul's lyrics. All it takes is for one sophomoric couplet: "My love don't give me presents/I know she ain't no peasant". Paul is trying to sound as bluesy as possible on this one, and his bad grammar and double negatives fit the style. However, rhyming "presents" with "peasant" is so bad it sounds like the kind of rhyme you'd leave in until you think of something better- but then he never thought of something better. It certainly doesn't fit the style of the song either.
• "I Call Your Name" (1963) This EP-only track is not a bad song, just a half-hearted performance and a misguided arrangement. The take committed to vinyl sounds like Take 379 of a song no one liked to begin with. The Beatles attempted a ska-style bridge, but they botch it so badly it's hardly recognizable as ska at all. This performance suffers the most in comparison with the saucy, torchy cover version from The Mamas & The Papas' 1966 debut If You Can Believe Your Eyes and Ears. The Beatles were masters of taking others' songs, then both improving and making them their own. In this case, The Mamas & The Papas did the same to them.
• "Hello Goodbye" (1967) Paul McCartney reduced to his worst tendencies. No one can debate this is a catchy melody, but Paul never got around to writing any words. His subconscious seems to believe that his melody is so wonderful, no one will notice the nonsense lyrics:

  You say 'Yes', I say 'No'.
  You say 'Stop' and I say 'Go, go, go'.
  Oh no!
  You say 'Goodbye' and I say 'Hello'.
  I don't know why you say 'Goodbye', I say 'Hello'.
  I say 'High', you say 'Low'.
  You say 'Why?' And I say 'I don't know'.
  Oh no!
  (And then the coda, with the "Heba, aloha" thing.)

  Maybe if this were on a Beatles' Children's Album (and there have been several) this would be more palatable. Maybe this kind of piffle was more acceptable in 1967, the peak of the hippie-Summer Of Love era. I admit there are plenty of fantastic rock songs with either no lyrics at all, or totally incomprehensible lyrics. My only wish is that these lyrics were the latter instead of the former.

Grammy Awards for Best New Artist

2004: Maroon 5 2003: Evanescence 2002: Norah Jones 2001: Alicia Keys 2000: Shelby Lynne 1999: Christina Aguilera 1998: Lauryn Hill 1997: Paula Cole 1996: LeAnn Rimes 1995: Hootie & The Blowfish 1994: Sheryl Crow 1993: Toni Braxton 1992: Arrested Development 1991: Marc Cohn 1990: Mariah Carey

1989: Milli Vanilli* 1988: Tracy Chapman 1987: Jody Watley 1986: Bruce Hornsby & The Range 1985: Sade 1984: Cyndi Lauper 1983: Culture Club 1982: Men At Work 1981: Sheena Easton 1980: Christopher Cross 1979: Rickie Lee Jones 1978: A Taste Of Honey 1977: Debby Boone 1976: Starland Vocal Band 1975: Natalie Cole

1974: Marvin Hamlisch 1973: Bette Midler 1972: America 1971: Carly Simon 1970: The Carpenters 1969: Crosby Stills and Nash 1968: José Feliciano 1967: Bobbie Gentry 1965: Tom Jones 1964: The Beatles 1963: Swingle Singers 1962: Robert Goulet 1961: Peter Nero 1960: Bob Newhart 1959: Bobby Darin

The Super Bowl National Anthem, Sung By...

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