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This comes from Ch.A.D.D.® of New York City and is offered without liability of any sort. Use common sense. Discuss this info with a trained professional before acting upon it!
See © and other info at end.
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Before You Begin Looking For a Sitter...
Decide on your needs: Is the sitter just to keep an eye on the child while the child does something else (ie, pick the child up at school and take him/her to an afterschool program)? Is the sitter for occasional times when you can't be there (ie, the monthly ChADD meeting)? Or is the sitter in for several hours a day or several days a week, in which case you would want more interaction and stricter adherence to your systems and rules of behavior management.
Decide on your requirements: Do you want someone who's easy-going and will play with your child or someone who is stricter and will make sure the homework gets done? Do you want someone older or will the 12-year-old on the next floor be acceptable?
Decide how much you're willing to pay, and how often you'll want the person.
Where to start looking for a sitter...
Call your local ChADD (212-724-9699).
Ask friends with ADD/ADHD kids.
Call local nursing schools (numbers found in Yellow Pages or call hospital) for student nurses.
Post a notice at local school of education for a special ed student (make sure posting is on the board in an area read by special ed students).
Ask your child's teacher or afterschool program instructor. Check your building for a capable teenager who has supportive parents.
Post a notice at your pediatrician's office.
The initial interview...
Arrange for the sitter to come on a night that you are home. Give him or her a brief summary of your child's condition and state that children with ADD/ADHD are often harder to handle but are manageable with a little extra effort. Give the sitter an opportunity to interact with your child for a minimum of 1/2 an hour.
Discuss the interaction with the sitter afterwards and ask whether he/she felt the "fit" was good. Describe some of the more challenging problems he/she might encounter and describe how you would handle them. Give one example (the same to each prospective sitter) and ask how they would handle, ie "I can't sleep and when I can't sleep Mommy lets me..." or "I don't have to listen to you!"
Provide some literature on ADD/ADHD and make clear that you are interested in feedback on your child's behavior. (At the next meeting -- the first sitting -- ask several questions relevant to the literature to reinforce its importance to the sitter, and to confirm they've read it.) Assure the sitter that working together you and he/she will be able to solve whatever problems arise.
Listen to your "gut" reaction to the person as well as your cerebral analysis of her/her behavior, then ask for and check references of those sitters you are interested in using.
Ask your child whether he/she liked the sitter and take seriously a strong rejection, even if the child can't verbalize a plausible reason. (If this happens with three potential sitters, tell the child that he/she can choose the one she/he likes best.)
Before the actual sitting.
Have a list of phone numbers available next to your main telephone and on the refrigerator and a folded up copy in your child's clothing. (Every few months dial those numbers to make sure that they are still accurate):
Head the list with your child's full name, your full name and address, medical insurance carrier name and account number, blood type (if known) plus information on allergies or sensitivities to any medications. List any medications your child is currently taking and why, the phone number/s for the time you will be away and designate at least one other person who can act in your behalf if the sitter can't reach you in an emergency.
Pediatrician's name, phone number and address.
Dentist's name, phone number and address
Eye doctor's name, phone number and address.
Phone number of Ambulance service.
Address and phone number of nearest hospital emergency room including street directions for taking a taxi and details of which entrance to use1.
Phone number for Poison Control Center.
Phone number of Police Department (If it is 911 do not assume person knows this number!)
Phone number of Fire Department (again-no assumptions).
Phone number of family/and friends who might be available in an emergency if you can't be reached..
Emergency number for building maintenance in case some problem arises that the sitter is unable to cope with. Also include the number of a neighbor if possible.
If you have a beeper/pager give specific instructions on how to operate.
Make a formal list of family rules/procedures that are important to you (type this if possible so it's easy for the sitter to read). The more explicit your list, the better a sitter can emulate your child management techniques and discipline in a way that you approve of, which also maintains needed continuity for the child. Be basic, ie, "When Johnny is finished with a toy he must put it away before doing anything else," "When Sara changes into her pajamas, she may need some help, but she must put her own cloths in the hamper."
Include clear and specific instructions about snacks (what, how much and when), TV (how much, which programs), bedtime (try to keep the same bedtime ritual such as milk and crackers, a book, etc.) and discipline (to minimize the "my mommy lets me..." power struggles).
The Actual Sitting
Meet at least a half hour prior to your leaving; more if the child finds the transition to new sitters difficult. Have your sitter read the detailed instructions you've prepared. Encourage the sitter to ask questions or make comments. Don't assume the sitter knows how to operate the microwave or the VCR. Check.
Make sure the sitter knows what your child likes to do.
Review with the sitter and the child together the major "rules". Have your child repeat the "rules" back to you and the sitter. You might want to include some consequences too.
Review where phone list and sitter authorizations are.
Consider having a toy or other present available. As you leave show it to your child and explain exactly what must be done to earn the toy. Make it obtainable but balance that with specific acceptable behavior.
Away from the child discuss what words are not to be used by the sitter in speaking to the child, ie bad, naughty, etc. Reinforce the need to be in control (without being a heavy). Give the sitter some tips for handling your child. Tell the sitter you'll want his/her comments at the end of the period, but not in front of the child. Encourage the sitter to keep a list of issues to be discussed before the next sitting and set aside time to discuss them. Reinforce that you want to work with the sitter to resolve issues that might arise.
Make sure you've clarified both rules and approach/atmosphere. (One young babysitter, following the "rule" of making sure the child stays in his bed after 8:30, placed a chair against the door to the child's room, so he couldn't get out and "disobey.") Clarify rules for the sitter, ie, outgoing/ incoming phone calls, use of TV while child is awake/asleep, access to food, etc.
Compliment the sitter if she/he is doing a serviceable job and try to establish a working relationship with her/him for regular reliable sitting.
If your child is on any medication which must be administered by the sitter, leave detailed written instructions on how and when i.e. before meal -- not to be taken with milk. Leave only the amount that is to be administered by the sitter so that you know for sure that the medication was given. If you have developed ways to make medicine giving easier, share your tip with the sitter.
Discuss whether the child can be taken out or whether he/she should remain home. Leave a list of areas where your child may/may not play outside. ie, this playground on 77th & Amsterdam but not the one on 73rd and Broadway.
Prior to leaving, take one last look around the house. Is there anything that should not have been left out (a potentially dangerous tool or household item, a step ladder, a toy or game that may only be played under strict supervision, etc.)? Do not assume that your child will be as cautious about safety with a sitter as she/he would be if you were home (in fact, behavior may be worse due to testing limits, annoyance at being left , dislike of the sitter or perceived weakness in the sitter). If there are places you don't want your child to be allowed to be (ie: your bedroom, the kitchen, etc.), make this clear to both the sitter and the child.
Discuss who can visit/pickup child in your absence, or state specifically that no one can. Leave extra money; silver for phone calls from a pay phone and paper for a taxi ride to the hospital. Also money for snacks if your child is being taken outside.
Give hints on dealing with your child, ie: eye contact, having child repeat what you have said, etc.
If there is more than one child -- make sure the sitter understands the needs of each child and their strengths/interests, the probable interaction between the children, and his/her responsibility towards each.
If the sitter is exemplary and you're not using all of his/her available time, please give their name and number to your local ChADD chapter.
Upon return...
Do not ask how child has behaved in front of the sitter, but do take time to discuss the session.
Speak to child away from sitter to find out if there were any problems in his/her mind that should be immediately discussed.
Review issues that you notice (ie: the child's clothing/toys haven't been put away, the pot from making dinner wasn't put in the sink, etc.) Be gentle about items like this, but if you don't make your expectations clear, you'll be confronted with these issues each time.
General Considerations...
Try to develop a group of sitters who work well with your child. See if good sitters have friends who also sit. Be willing to pay somewhat more for good sitters; they can become part of the overall treatment program for your child.
Don't forget to prepare your child. That includes reviewing the rules about the child's conduct and rules about the sitter (ie, no touching, no hitting, etc.) The child should also be aware that the sitter is there for the child's needs -- not for talking on the phone or watching TV.
With special thanks to the following:
Harold Meyer, DaD
Susan Meyer, MoM
Virginia Sterling, MoM
ChADD of New York City is a not for profit organization entirely dependent on your financial support. Membership is $30 per year for families; $60 for professionals. Please mail your membership or contributions to: ChADD of New York City, P.O. Box 133, New York, NY 10024-0133.
Prior approval is required before reproducing this document by writing "ChADD of New York City, P.O. Box 133, New York, NY 10024-0133" Credit must be given and no additions or deletions may be made without written consent.
©1992 Harold Meyer
Please send comments on this material to:
Harold Meyer
ChADD (r) of New York City
PO Box 133
New York, NY 10024-0133
1 Include a separate letter authorizing sitter to take child for emergency treatment.
This article has been downloaded from the ADD Forum on CompuServe, and may be distributed freely as long as the contents of the file are unchanged. Because the CompuServe ADD Forum is new, we are frequently asked how to join CompuServe and get on the forum. Call 1-800-524-3388 and ask for rep #464. Outside the US/Canada call +1-614-457-0802.
Last Modified: Thursday, October 02, 1997 9:34:45 PM
Steven J. Foust, peregrin@enteract.com