[Macarena]

Raymond's Clean Jokes

Part Three

Links: Clean 1, Clean 2, Dirty 1, Dirty 2, Humor Index

BulletHoustonians

Satan turned up the heat when he saw the new arrival from Houston relaxing comfortably. The condemned man laughed at the rising temperature and boasted, "You've never spent a Summer in Houston." When the devil retaliated with a full blown Boston blizzard, the perplexed sinner asked "Did the Oilers win the Superbowl?"

BulletLanguage Arts

A person who speaks three languages is called tri-lingual; one who speaks two languages is called bi-lingual; and one who speaks only one language is called an American.

BulletTough Call

If you can guess how many chickens are in this bag, I'll give you both of them!

BulletToo Blonde

One blonde was so daft that it took her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

BulletDiagnosis

What caused that crash in Paris?

Car-Pole-Tunnel Syndrome.

BulletUsage

The English professor's wife walked in and caught her husband sleeping with a young co-ed. She said, "Why Harold, I'm surprised." He bolted upright, pointed his finger and corrected her, "No. I'm surprised. You're astonished."

BulletInnkeeper

Sure, we have hot and cold running water. Hot in the summer; cold in the winter.

BulletSmooth Transition

Al Gore took over when President Clinton's ski accident left him in a coma. When Clinton recovered a year later, he asked how the country was doing and learned that the world was a peace, the postal service was running smoothly and that stamps only cost 300 yen.

BulletChronometer

How does Mickey Mouse tell time?

With his Dan Quayle watch.

BulletRough Translations

Au Bon Pain -- I feel your pain.
R.S.V.P. -- Responso very promptly.