Raymond's Dirty Jokes

Part Two

Links: Clean 1, Clean 2, Clean 3, Dirty 1, Humor Index

The Lettuce Joke

A man walked into a supermarket and asked the produce supervisor if he could purchase a half head of lettuce. The supervisor said I'm sorry we only sell whole heads. But I only need half a head said the man. Finally after ten minutes of arguing the supervisor agrees and goes to the back room to cut a head of lettuce in half not knowing that the customer had followed him back there. Another worker asked the supervisor why he was cutting a head of lettuce in half. He said some asshole wants to buy only half a head. Turning around and noticing the customer standing there he quickly replied "but that's okay because this nice gentleman wants the other half."
[Contributed by Calvin Schulte]

Doing It

Printers do it without wrinkling the sheets.
Kayakers do it upside down, rollover, and do it again.
And remember, rock climbers have aluminum nuts.

Married Life

Playboy has come out with a new version of their magazine just for married men. It's like the regular version except that it has the same centerfold every single month.

Congressmen

What don't congressmen use bookmarks?

They prefer to bend over the pages.

Debutantes

Why did the debutante take a straw into the restroom?

She didn't want to get her hair wet.

Infallible Pickup Lines

Excuse me, but I was just wondering what you would look like naked, bent over a diving board.
Hey, why don't you grab an overnight bag and we'll pretend it's a second date.

Rationalization

Sure, I subscribe to the Playboy channel. But just for the articles.