The following is a paid political announcement
Little Scruffy, isn't he adorable
If you're like most Americans you love little puppies as we do, and have fond memories from your childhood of your first puppy. Puppies are cute and innocent, just as America once was before godless liberals transformed it into a latter day Sodom. Perhaps one of your children recently got his or her first puppy. Little Scruffy here, and millions like him across this great land of ours are in danger of being exterminated unless you vote Republican this coming November.
Our God is an angry vengeful God, despite what those heathen liberal Catholics, Episcopals and Unitarians claim. The presidential staff has been in constant contact with God and he has made the following ultimatum, for every American that votes Democrat this coming November, God will kill a puppy. For every American that for some unknown reason votes Independent (Ralph Nader) God will take a puppy into custody pending the election outcome but will kill a kitten. You can imagine what will happen to those detained puppies if our Lord is not happy with the election results. God fearing people know, just as our trusted attorney general does, that cats and kittens are the handiwork of Satan himself, so God does not care what happens to kittens.
So when you go to the polls this November, think of your own little Timmy or Susie, and how distraught they will be when they wake up some morning to find their beloved puppy squashed like a bug, right at the foot of their beds. What will you tell them? The only honest answer you can give them is that this is because the American people are soft, liberal and evil and voted against God's favored political party.
Remember! vote with your conscience, vote Republican. God is watching.
God's Own P arty
God's Own P eople