Got the DVD of "Them!" today. Oddest damn name for a movie. Good thing it wasn't made in the 90s, or we'd had the inevitable sequels: "These!" "Those!" "That There!" Coming soon in Terro-Vision, "The Other Things!" This is one of those movies I have to see every few years - the best of all atomic-mutation movies, and a childhood favorite. When "Them!" popped up on the Saturday night monster movie, you nearly peed in your underoos out of joy. It didn't get any better.

Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about?
Shaft!
Right on.
They say this cat Shaft is a bad mutha…
Shut yo' mouth!
But I'm talkin' 'bout Shaft…
Then we can dig it.
He's a complicated man, but no one understands him but his woman…

Even Eric Schlosser, author of the muckraking book "Fast Food Nation," is a fan.

"I think they're great," said Mr. Schlosser, whose less appetizing findings included that some ground beef destined for fast-food restaurants had been contaminated with bits of cattle spinal cord. "It isn't health food, but it's food with integrity. It's the real deal," he said.

There are In-N-Out restaurants in just three states: California, Arizona and Nevada. There are no freezers, microwaves or heat lamps at any of them. None of the food is ever frozen, no meal is prepared until the customer orders it, and nothing costs more than $2.50. The fries are cut by hand in the store, rather than being machine-cut, fried, flash-frozen, vacuum-sealed and shipped hundreds of miles from a processing plant. The shakes are made from ice cream.

"They're sort of the unchain," said Allan Hickok, a senior research analyst who tracks the restaurant industry for U.S. Bancorp Piper Jaffray. "They have a kind of quirky appeal that's made them a strong regional player."

CompUSA always has the customer in mind, much in the way that Arafat has Sharon in mind. Half the products have no price. They have dates. That tells the staff when the item was priced. Since pricing is fluid in the hurly-burly world of office supplies, they have to rejigger the price at a moment's notice; it's easier for them to change the price in the computer and give the customer a delicious moment of suspense when the item is rung up. If the item is priced, the shelf label makes no sense - the Epson Matte Paper was identified as EPSON HV WT MT 50CT. Makes you want to dump a wheelbarrow full of vowels in the foyer. Here! On the house! Spread 'em around! I sounded it out as Epson Heavyweight Matte, 50 sheets - but none of the three numerical sequences on the rack label matched the box.

Why don't they just have someone at the exit punch you hard in the back of the head just to complete the visit? Come again, asscake. Have a nice day.

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu f'htagn!

Aug. 14, 2002  |  SAN JOSE, Calif. (AP) - Ed Headrick, father of the modern Frisbee and designer of Wham-O's first ''professional model'' flying disc, died at home in his sleep yesterday. He was 78.

He had suffered two strokes last month at a disc golf tournament in Miami.

Mr. Headrick patented toy-maker Wham-O's first designs for the modern Frisbee after improving the aerodynamics of the company's initial models. After joining the company in the early 1960s, Mr. Headrick incorporated concentric, grooved lines into the top of the curved disc to create the first ''professional model'' for Wham-O, which is based in Emeryville, Calif. The model is used in competition. […]

The family will honor Mr. Headrick's wish that his ashes be molded into memorial flying discs to be given to a select few family and friends and others who make donations in his memory, his son Ken said.

Aug. 13, 2002  |  TRAVERSE CITY, Mich. (AP) -- A local businessman traced his roots to the vikings and wanted to honor his heritage when he died. Arne Shield passed away in March at 85, and his family fulfilled his dream last week: They placed his cremated remains on a papier-mache boat, touched a flame to it and set the burning craft adrift in the gathering darkness of West Grand Traverse Bay.

"This was his wish, to go out to sea in a burning ship," daughter Betty Carden told the Traverse City Record-Eagle for a story published Monday. "He loved the water."

More than 60 relatives and in-laws showed up for a family reunion that served as Shield's farewell ceremony.

After a brief prayer service and a Swedish smorgasbord, they placed his ashes in the small boat constructed from chokecherry branches and 40 copies of the Record-Eagle.

To the strains of "Amazing Grace," family members launched the flaming craft.

Daughter Barbara Shield and friend Joe Vinson spent two weeks creating the ship, shaping and decorating it with reminders of Shield.

Among the items that sailed with Shield's remains were flags of the United States and Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Finland and Iceland, as well as a copy of the 23rd Psalm and Shield's recipe for Swedish pancakes.[…]

Editorial note: The 4th photos are NOT, I repeat, NOT representative of the whole week. The majority were from but one tenth of the time. Really! It's true!

"MULTIPASS!"

Golly! What an embarassing action series of my inebriation! It's not pretty.

Compare:
     http://www.foamtotem.org/~rv/albums/2002_july4/120-2071_IMG.JPG
     http://animaldiversity.ummz.umich.edu/media/corel/chimp.jpg

Microsoft Corp.'s new program for selling its software to businesses may mean bigger profits for the world's largest software company. But according to a Boston research firm, the new Microsoft policy has infuriated many customers, and some could respond by switching to Apple Computer Inc.'s Macintosh or the free Linux operating system.

''The fact that folks are even willing to entertain the thought is something I haven't seen before,'' said Laura DiDio, senior analyst at the Yankee Group, a technology research firm. ''I have been covering Microsoft for 14 or 15 years, and I've never seen this level of anger, of outrage, of dissatisfaction.'' […]

''Typically we get about 12 [hundred] to 1,500 responses'' to surveys, she said. But this time ''we got 4,500 responses in three days. People were just spewing. ... They were likening Microsoft to crack cocaine dealers, extortionists, Mafia hitmen. It was pretty remarkable.''

Beyond the name-calling, DiDio spotted a more substantial threat to Microsoft: Nearly 40 percent of respondents said they were checking out the possibility of switching to Linux or Macintosh systems. […]

What poor Wile E. never realized is that Acme, the company he bought all his supplies from, was roadrunner-owned and operated. The warehouse birds at Acme were clearly profiling him by his name, and sending him defective goods on the suspicion that he was a terrorizer of roadrunners.

Granted. But let us not give Wile too much sympathy here. Yes, the Roadrunner was annoying. Yes, conditions were harsh. Yes, the Roadrunner appeared to be the only edible object in sight. But you'll note that Wile E. not only had access to the entire range of Acme products, but he apparently had the means to purchase them, as well. And they were all delivered, presumably by the Postal Service or a private carrier. Well, Wile E., two words:

Omaha Steaks.

They ship the meat right to your door in big foam crates you could live in. I'm not sure what Acme charges for dynamite, timers, outboard motors, leg-enhancing vitamins, jet packs and enough construction materials to embed a pop-up steel wall in the middle of an asphalt freeway, but it can't cost more than a four-pack of ribeyes.

After several trips to the emergency room for massive electric shocks, Hatler's house now runs at a blazing fast 900 MHz. Attempts to run the house even faster caused a bit of structural instability and a few minor fires. "My heart stopped one time, but the thought of shredding two by fours in my garbage disposal got the blood pumping again," Hatler recounted.

The talk here today is of a new Maynard. The old mill town is coming into its own: Young newcomers are arriving, and the downtown is being spruced up-- proving, local officials and realtors say, that there is life after Digital Equipment Corp.

For years, Digital occupied the former American Woolen Co. complex on Main Street. As a start-up company, it had rented the second floor of the huge old factory in the late 1950s, but Digital began vacating its headquarters in 1993. It subsequently was acquired by Compaq, which was folded into Hewlett-Packard this year.

Today, the old Digital property, with about 1 million square feet, is called Clock Tower Place. It's 90 percent leased, with tenants ranging from Verizon to Powell Flutes, Town Administrator Michael Gianotis said. Collectively, the tenants employ about 2,800 people.

''So the business climate downtown is recovering nicely,'' Gianotis said, adding that new restaurants, ''featuring everything from New England seafood to Korean and Brazilian specialties,'' are major attractions. […]

Libra: (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
Some people are visual learners, others are auditory learners, and you learn best when things are beaten into you.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
Your hope that your son will live a happy life, free from suffering, is somewhat at odds with your decision to name him "Sasha."

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Wilderness sports may be growing in popularity, but people are not yet ready to appreciate your expertise at trout-shotgunning.

"But E-Z Debt is different," Daschle continued. "Jim [Smoller], our E-Z Debt representative, sat down with me and the other senators and really convinced us that debt consolidation was the way to go. He was extremely helpful, taking the time to patiently answer all our questions. He even gave us a free quote."

Opponents of the plan charge that it unnecessarily endangers the numerous national assets offered as collateral. Among the valuable properties being put up are Yellowstone National Park, NASA, and the state of Alaska.

Some of Maynard's 15,000 residents laugh off the snake's disappearance, but others have put warning posters on their front doors or taped them to telephone polls and pizzeria windows. Police are fielding 10 to 15 snake-related calls per day, and some residents of the public housing complex where Lucifer the boa lived now refuse to walk in nearby woods or let their pets play outside.

''We're keeping the cats inside,'' said Joel Gorham, who lives near Lucifer's former domicile. His cats, Callie and Lightning, meowed impatiently as he spoke. ''We don't want to take any chances.''

No one knows where Lucifer is, but neighbors have several theories: He may be lurking in a tree, floating down the nearby Assabet River, or even creeping through apartment walls. […]