Today while I drove Gnat back from her Nana's, a talk show host was having fun with Christine Aguilera's new song and video, "Dirrty." I've seen it; she makes a rather convincing bid for Skank Ho Status here, and, like Madonna's "Sex" book, manages to make carnal pleasures look so smelly and cootie-ridden you want to don a black robe and thrash yourself with birch branches. Ewww. God knows what role models will be out there in ten years when Gnat hits the switch-point, decides Dad is old toast, and becomes enamored with some supple sneering doxy who sings the virtues of being gang raped. I'll probably have the same reaction my mother had when she heard Led Zep blasting from behind my door…

We all have creepy clown stories to tell. Lord knows I have plenty. Coulrophobia is the official psychological term given to the irrational fear of clowns. I suffer from it, and face it–so do you. And what's more, I don't happen to think that there's anything "irrational" about it at all. People are afraid of heights and airplanes and drowning for perfectly logical reasons, too. […]

No, the reason you'll want to pick up Clown Paintings is because Keaton–whose documentary film, Heaven, as well as her earlier book of tabloid news photos from the 40s and 50s, prove that she has a dark and twisted sense of humor–has snagged a bunch of famous comedians to contribute short essays concerning their feelings about clowns.

So you've got Steve Martin, Robin Williams, Paul Reubens, Bobcat Goldthwait, John Waters, Woody Allen, Eric Idle and Jerry Lewis–along with a few dozen others–all writing about clowns. She even asked a few people who aren't funny at all–like Whoopi Goldberg and Chevy Chase–to write about clowns. Anything at all about clowns. Some recall childhood traumas, others contemplate some small part of a clown's anatomy (nose, gloves, wig) and others take a close look at a single painting. Some contributors write poetry or fiction. Most of them rant. And all but a few agree that clowns simply aren't that funny at all. […]

Ben & Jerry's said Thursday it would lay off 52 people at its South Burlington headquarters in the ice cream maker's second round of job cuts this year.

The company described the cuts as part of a larger strategy to bolster its position and fuel future growth of the 25-year-old company.

The reduction amounted to roughly 6 percent of the company's 860 employees…

HARTFORD, CT—Feeling sentimental Tuesday, Allied Plastics CEO Jonathan Mavre said he would gladly sacrifice a significant portion of his liquid assets for increased quality time with his children. "If I had the chance, I would give anything, even 5 percent of my ADM options, for an extra afternoon a week with Jacob and Lauren," Mavre said. "Of course, I'd be smarter to hedge by splitting the loss between ADM and Pepsico."

Q. What is jumping the shark?

A. It's a moment. A defining moment when you know that your favorite television program has reached its peak. That instant that you know from now on…it's all downhill. Some call it the climax. We call it "Jumping the Shark." From that moment on, the program will simply never be the same.

The term "jump the shark" was coined by my college roommate for 4 years, Sean J. Connolly, in Ann Arbor, Michigan back in 1985. This web site, book, film, and all other material surrounding shark jumping, are hereby dedicated to "the Colonel."

The aforementioned expression refers to the telltale sign of the demise of Happy Days, our favorite example, when Fonzie actually "jumped the shark." The rest is history.

Jumping the shark applies not only to TV, but also music, film, even everyday life. "Did you see her boyfriend? She definitely jumped the shark." You get the idea.

There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium,
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium…

[…] I first discovered this website in June 2001. I had been searching for random images when I came across the photograph on the right.

From that point I knew I had to find out the story behind this photo. I looked at the url of the picture, and traced back to the original site.

What I found was simply amazing. Picture after picture of the cutest rabbit I had ever seen. And many with various objects balanced on his head, also known as "Head performance" by his owner…

As my father and I were nearly to the top of Virginia's Reeds Gap, the shiny red 1959 MGA roadster we were driving seemed to shrug and give up, losing the battle with the increasingly steep grade of Route 664. We pulled off to the side of the road, killed the engine and watched the first suicidal leaves of autumn do their fluttering swan dives.

"I think we might've blown the head gasket," Dad said.

If you understand that sentence -- and it is a sentence that bespeaks a certain kind of genteel, if doomed, adventure, like "Gentlemen, it is time to eat the dogs" -- then you might enjoy doing what we were doing: buzzing up and down the back roads of the Shenandoah Valley in a classic British sports car…

Q: What exactly does the WeatherPixie do?

A: The WeatherPixie is a little graphic that shows a representation of the weather using data reported (mostly) by airports and aerodromes around the world. As the weather in a particular location changes, the graphic will also change. Daylight and current moon phase are also displayed. Above are four WeatherPixies picked at random.

This new planet isn't really a planet, scientists are quick to note. More like an asteroid, a mere loose rock that wandered past like a hobo, stayed for supper, and now has taken up permanent residence in the backyard. Pluto isn't really a planet either; it snuck into the club when the membership rules were lax, and they're not going to make that mistake again. You must be this tall to get on this ride.

Well, I say it's a planet. But I have a problem with the name they've given it: Quaoar. This is not a name. This is an entry from the Scrabble dictionary. Surely we can do better. What to call it? If you polled residents at a nursing home, they'd call it Mykids, because it only comes around once every 268 years. (Rimshot! Thank you!) It needs a good mythological sound to it. And it has to sound cold, too…

Wallace and Gromit are back in their first screen outing for six years. BBC News Online exclusively presents Soccamatic, one of 10 short films, revealing Wallace's latest inventions. Soccamatic is free to watch or download from this site.

Design #3439442038

It's a robot that has room for a wastepaper basket inside! It changes colour to reflect your mood.

WASHINGTON, DC—Assuming that there must be a good reason for the order, U.S. citizens lined up at elementary schools and community centers across the nation Monday for government-mandated fingerprinting. "I'm not exactly sure what this is all about," said Ft. Smith, AR, resident Meredith Lovell while waiting in line. "But given all the crazy stuff that's going on these days, I'm sure the government has a very good reason." Said Amos Hawkins, a Rockford, IL, delivery driver: "I guess this is another thing they have to do to ensure our freedom."

At the grocery store today Gnat wanted some cheese, and I found some string cheese in unusual colors, blues and greens not found in nature's rich palette. I handed the package to Gnat, who said "It has monsters on it." Sure enough: Mike and Sully from "Monsters, Inc." I haven't let her see the movie - we'll wait a year - but she's seen the short cartoon that features the two; it's not scary at all.

So we not only have "Monsters, Inc." promotional string cheese, we have string cheese whose hue is the same unnatural colors found in the movie. Given the problems some publishers have matching output to the actual image, I can only marvel at how they managed to get perfect color-matched output in the medium of dairy products. Maybe it's as simple as feeding the cows Pantone strips.

LITERATURE
Vicki L. Silvers of the University of Nevada-Reno and David S. Kreiner of Missouri State University, for their colorful report "The Effects of Pre-Existing Inappropriate Highlighting on Reading Comprehension." [PUBLISHED IN: Reading Research and Instruction, vol. 36, no. 3, 1997, pp. 217-23.]

PEACE
Keita Sato, President of Takara Co., Dr. Matsumi Suzuki, President of Japan Acoustic Lab, and Dr. Norio Kogure, Executive Director, Kogure Veterinary Hospital, for promoting peace and harmony between the species by inventing Bow-Lingual, a computer-based automatic dog-to-human language translation device.

HYGIENE
Eduardo Segura, of Lavakan de Aste, in Tarragona, Spain, for inventing a washing machine for cats and dogs.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

"In the course of this investigation, it was learned that this is going on throughout the United States and some of these telemarketing programs are believed to be operated by Al-Qaeda. The CIA has announced that they acquired a videotape showing Al-Qaeda members making phone solicitations for vacation home rentals, long distance telephone service, magazine subscriptions and other products."

For the first time in a long time, we took two consecutive weeks of vacation and headed out to sunny northern California to live it up. Catching up with friends, geeking it up at Worldcon, eating out in fabulous restaurants, and riding cable cars to dinner… what's not to like?