• This is a SERIOUS ritual for all you chocolate lovers.....PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!!

• The Chocolate Ritual
  (Charge of the Chocolate God/dess)
  
  *** Materials required
  On the altar there are brown candles
  Tootsie Roll the great big one (the athame)
  A large glass with milk in it  (the chalice
  A small dish of Nestlé's Quik and a spoon
  A small dish of chocolate sprinkles
  A plate of cupcakes and some Yoo-Hoo along with
  a goblet;
  
  CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:
  HP/ess  (taking the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles):
        "Chocolate sprinkles where thou art cast No calories in thy presence
          last.  Let no fat adhere to me.  And as I will So Mote It BE!
         "Nestlé's Quik where thou art cast
          Turn this milk to chocolate, fast.
          Let all good things come to me;
          And make my milk all chocolaty!"
  
  CAST THE CIRCLE (using consecrated tootsie roll)
  
  CALL THE QUARTERS  (beginning at the East):
  HP/ess:
          "Mousse of the East, Fluffy one!  Great prince of the palace of
           dessert.   Be present, we pray thee;  And guard this circle from all
           moochers."
  
  Approaching from the East.
  HP/ess:     
           "Fondue of the South, Molten One!  Great prince of the palace
            of decadence.  Be present we pray thee;  And guard this circle from all diets."
  
  Approaching from the south.
  HP/ess:     
            "Cocoa of the west, Satisfying One!  Great prince of the palace
            of thirst.  Be present we pray thee;  And guard this circle from all carob."
  
  Approaching from the West.
  HP/ess:     
            "Rocky Road of the North, Cold one!  Great prince of the palace
            of crunchy.  Be present we pray thee;  And guard this circle from all cheap
            imitations."
  
  MAIN RITUAL:
  HANDMAIDEN (Henceforth known as the Swiss Miss):
            "Listen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate who of old
            was called: Godiva, Ethel M, Sara Lee, Nestle,  Mrs. See and by many other
            names:"
  
  HPS:   
            "Whenever you have one of those cravings, once in a while and better
             it be when your checkbook is full, then shall you assemble in a great public
             place and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me, who am Queen of all
             Goodies
             
             "In the Mall shall you assemble, you who have eaten all your
             chocolate and are hungry for more.  To you I shall bring Good Things        
             for your tongue.  Ye shall be free from depression; and, as a sign that you are
             truly free, you shall have chocolate smears on your cheeks, and you shall 
             munch, nosh, snack, feast and make yummy noises, all in my presence. 
             For mine is the ecstasy of phenylalanine (FEEN-EL-AL-A-NEEN), and
             mine also is Joy on Earth, even into High Orbit.  for my law is 'Melts in your
            mouth, not in your hand.'
            
             "Keep clean your fingers,  Carry Wet Ones always.  Let none stop you or    
             turn you aside.  For mine is the secret that opens your mouth, and mine is the
            taste that puts a smile on your lips and comfy, padding pounds on your hips.
             "I am the Gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy unto the tummies of men
            and women.  Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things delicious; and beyond
           death well, I can't do much there.   Sorry about that.
  
             "I demand only your money in sacrifice.  For behold: chocolate is a  
             business, and you have to pay for those truffles before you eat them."
  
  SWISS MISS:     
             "Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess, she in the dust
             of whose feet are the cheap imitations, whose body graces candy racks and
             finer stores everywhere:"
  
  HPS:   
             "I, who am the beauty of chocolate chips and the satisfying softness of big
            bars, the mystery of how they get the filling inside of truffles and fill the hearts
            of all but Philistines with desire, call unto thy soul to arise and come unto me.
             For I am the soul of candy.  From me do all confections spring, and unto me
             all of you shall return, again and again and again *and again!*
  
             "Before my smeared face, beloved of Women and Men, thine innermost
             divine self shall be enfolded in the rapture of overdose.
  
              "Let my taste be within thy mouth that rejoices.  For behold, all
              acts of yumminess and pleasure are my rituals. Therefore let there be
              gooeyness and mess, crispness and crackling, big slabs and bite-size pieces,
              peanut butter and chocolate-covered cherries all within you.
  
              "And you who think to seek me, know that your seeking and yearning
              shall avail you not unless you know the Mystery:   'We will sell no
              chocolate until you pay for it.'
  
               "For behold; I have been with you since you were just a baby, and I
               am that which is attained at nearly any shop in the land.
  
               "Messed Be!"
  
  SWISS MISS:   
               "Hear now the words of Chocoloatl, the God of Chocolate, who
               was of old also called Ghirardelli, Milton Snavely Hershey, Bosco,
               Fudgesicle, and by many other names:"
  
  HP:     
              "I am the strength of the candy rack, and the piece that fell on
              the floor, but looks like it might not have gotten too dirty, and the
              deepest bitterness of dark chocolate.  No matter how you try to resist the
              call of Chocolate, I will hunt you out and I will become your sacred prey. 
              I am the warmth of hot cocoa in the dead of winter and the call of the road
              that leads you to that really expensive Godiva store downtown.
  
              "I give you, o my creatures, the fire of love of chocolate, the power
              of jaw strength to bite off a piece of that frozen Milky Way bar and the
              shelter of Haagen Daz when that big date didn't work out.  You are dear to
              me, and I instill in you my power, the power of a piece of chocolate that
              you forgot you had hidden, and the power of vision and magickal sight with
              which you can spot a candy counter a mile away.
  
              "By the powers of the half melted bar in the glorious sun, I charge
              you;  by the darkest depths of the bottom of the cocoa pot and the lingering
              smell of bittersweet chocolate, I charge you;  and by the beauty of a
              perfectly swirled vanilla butter cream, I charge you:
  
             "Follow your heart and your instinct, wherever they lead you.  The
             wealth in your pocket can buy you treats that a Mayan king would envy.    
             Take joy in that first bite of lecithin-emulsified cocoa and in the last
             satisfying slurp of Yoo-Hoo.  Yet you must be wary of deceit.  Eat not of
             that which is called 'Baking Chocolate'.  For it is vile and bitter.
  
             "Lastly, always remember to leave some chocolate behind you.  Be not
             greedy.  But let yourself be known as a connoisseur.  Leave a little for
             someone else.
  
             "I am with you always, just over your shoulder or around the next
             corner.  I am the Lord of Chocolate and when you have reached the end of
             your hoard, I will never be farther away from you than that 7-Eleven on the
             corner.  I am the spirit of the Wild Child the Inner Child who can
             never get quite enough.  If you are a true chocolate lover, then your soul and
             mine are intertwined.
  
  CUPCAKES & YOO-HOO:
  (The blessing of the Yoo-Hoo)
  HP:     "Be it known that milk chocolate is not better than dark chocolate."
  HPS:   "Nor is dark chocolate better than milk chocolate."
  HP:     "For both are better than the falsely named 'white chocolate.'"
  HPS:    "And neither one is carob."
  HP:      "As the frosting is to the cupcake,"
  HPS:     "So the creamy nougat is to the Milky Way Bar.
  BOTH:   "And when they are eaten, they are yummy in truth, for there is no
  greater snack in all the world than one made of chocolate."
  
  (The blessing of the cupcakes)
  HP:       "Frosting is keen,"
  HPS:      "And the filling is neat."
  BOTH:    "Great Goddess!   Let's eat!"
  
  (Feasting and drinking (chocolate liquor, if possible, music and dance.)
  
  Dismiss Quarters.
  HPS:      "Oh, ye mighty goodies of the ______, we thank you for attending
  our rites and guarding our circle;  and ere you depart for your sweet and
  sticky realms, we say unto you, 'N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestles makes the very best
  .... "
  ALL:      "Chooooc-laaate."
  
  (After all quarters have been dismissed, give a final, satisfying belch at the East}
  
  Close circle

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