• You Might Be a Redneck Pagan if....
  
  If you think "widdershins" refers to the calves of the widowed woman next door...
  If you think fetch deer is a command you give your dawg..
  If you think a goblet is a young turkey...
  If you think Drawing Down the Moon means demolishing the outhouse.. 
  If you call your covenmates "Bud" or "Sis"...
  If you think the Great Rite is turning onto County Road 13..
  If you Quarter Candles smell of kerosene
  If you light your illuminary candles with a blow torch (Just for you Pan)
  If you pronounce Athame as "Athaym" and Samhain as "Sammon"..
  If you think Sidhe is a girl...
  If your idea of the "Goddess" Is a member of the Coors Swedish Bikini Ski Team..
  If your bard plays the banjo..
  If your long lost friend really is....
  If you have one or more pink flamingos in your lawn which you refer to as your familiars..
  If your wand is a cattle prod..
  If your ceremonial belt has your name on the back and a buckle bigger then your head (guilty tee hee)
  If you call the Quarters by invoking "Billy, Joe, Jim, and Bob."
  If you call the Gods by hollerin' "Hey y'all watch me!"
  If your favorite robe has the logo of a major farm equipment manufacturer on the back..
  If you've ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed whacker...
  If your ritual staff is a double barrel shotgun..
  If your ritual garments include any of the following: plaid flannel shirts, long johns, a pistol belt, or cowboy boots..
  If you've ever blessed a tin of Copenhagen/Skoal/Kodiak
  If your ritual wine is Maddog 20/20..
  If the instructions to your covenstead include the words "After you turn off the paved road"
  If your altar cloth is a rebel flag..
  If you use junk cars to mark the four corners of your circle...
  If your Eternal Flame just happens to be under a still...
  If you use an engine block for an altar..
  If your High Priestess is your cousin-as well as your wife
  If, when drawing down the moon, you say "Ya'll come on down, ya hear?"
  If your pickup truck has an athame rack..
  If your crystal ball is made of polystyrene (i.e., a bowling ball)...
  If your High Priestess has a spittoon on her altar...
  You might be a Redneck Pagan..

 

---

Back to the Funnies