Having caught up with both John and Matt Gorney rather easily, I thought the last piece of the puzzle would fall right into place. I was wrong. Repeated phone calls and emails to Mark Mistysyn, guitar player and third member of Shitar, have gone unanswered. Finally, at a hastily-called news conference in front of the newly-relocated Markopolo Studios, I was able to get some answers to several burning questions that have been on the minds of fans and media everywhere.

Rolling Stone: Mark, is it true that you have been kicked out of Shitar?

Mark Mistysyn: No, that is not true. I apologize to my band and my fans and I would just like to get back to work.

RS: Why haven't you been able to get your guitar tracks done in a timely manner?

MM: Next question.

RS: Why haven't you been responsive to your bandmates during this process?

MM: Next question.

RS: Don't you feel that you are letting your bandmates down given all of their hard work and desire to hear new Shitar?

MM: Next question.

RS: Are you saying that spending too much time on the road or that problems with your new mansion have gotten in the way of you getting your work done?

MM: Next question.

RS: Are you just plain lazy?

MM: Next question.

RS: Is there any hope that we will ever see The What Have You?

MM; Next question. Is that all? ... Thank you.

Mistysyn was last seen ducking back into his home after doing a set of sit-ups in his front yard.

Published: 1-25-2006

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