How To Write An Ann Coulter Column

We all know it's hard to make deadlines. Luckily Coulter has found a simple solution which speeds up the process immensely. Her crack research and development staff created a complex formula which allows columns to be created in 1/10 the time it used to take. Until now, this formula was secret, but our elves in her publishers office have ferreted out the truth. Here, dear reader, is How to Write an Ann Coulter Column.

Take at least 10 of the following points, mix together, and put into the oven until they're half baked.

• Liberals are evil.
• Ronald Reagan was a great President.
• Bill Clinton is a bad man who liked sex too much.
• Liberals are always calling conservatives evil.
• George Bush is a hero.
• Liberals are stupid.
• A liberal columnist wrote something bad (although you may have to distort or put words into the columnist's mouth to make this work).
• Liberals are always calling conservatives stupid.
• Hillary Clinton is a bad woman who likes power too much.
• Liberals want to coddle terrorists.
• Liberals are almost like terrorists.
• Liberals are the terrorists.
• Mention swarthy males with middle eastern countenances.
• Liberals are always calling conservatives nasty names.
• Call liberals some nasty names.
• Bill Clinton is a really bad man who liked sex way too much.
• Mention you are not a swarthy male, but rather a blonde girl from Connecticut.
• Black people are doing just fine; the Civil Rights movement was/is over-rated.
• Ronald Reagan was the greatest president of the 20th century.
• Liberals are mostly Park Avenue matrons and leftist academics.
• Imply that liberals loved Communism and the Soviet Union.
• Call a male liberal (or conservative you don't like) a girly-boy. If you really don't like them call them a girly-girl.
• Make fun of global warming.
• Bush is a better president than Clinton was.
• Find something that one person did or said, and use to prove that all liberals/feminists/gays/blacks are bad (although you may have to distort or puts words into the mouth of the person to make this work).
• Liberals are Satan's minions in disguise [Haven't used this one yet but keep looking for the right moment.]

Just an added note: Some readers may take this as humor. Well, ok, I was trying a little to be funny. But take a look at the woman's columns (as I've forced myself to do) and you will be amazed at how INCREDIBLY, repetitive she is. It is truly awe inspiring in its zen-like rote perfection.

©2002 Carl Skutsch. All rights reserved.
All opinions expressed herein are those of the author unless otherwise noted
(and it goes without saying that they make more sense than Coulter's opinions.)

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