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Trying to lower my work load, and raise yours, I've decided to end the Speed Coulter service.

(NOTE: This week's Coulter criticism is written by Lois--an AntiCoulter letter writer--, who luckily enough emailed me the below Coulter critique in a week when I'm feeling way under the weather with a nasty cold. Thanks Lois.)

The Democratic Party: The Gift That Keeps On Giving!
by Ann Coulter
November 13, 20

AFTER LAST WEEK'S drubbing in the midterm elections, the Abortion Party (formerly known as the Democratic Party) is looking for direction. Happily, both the party brass and base are coalescing around the idea that the Democrats were not adequately insane.

Drubbing? Drubbing? Let's examine that, shall we? According to Merriam Webster the definition of drubbing is: 1 : to beat severelyÊÊÊ 2 : to abuse with wordsÊÊ 3 : to defeat decisively Since most of the elections were so close, separated by mere hundreds or thousands and not hundreds of thousands, I don't think that definition number 3 fits. Definition number one seems to be more related to physically beating someone...not electorally. That leaves definition number 2. Yep, that one fits. The Republican ads I saw were pretty abusive...not to mention misleading and paid for by a lot of soft money.

Thus, for example, discussing the Democrats' bloodbath on National Pubic Radio, Robert Kuttner said the Democrats had "blurred their differences with President Bush on key issues like whether to have a tax cut ... whether to have a social outlay that benefits ordinary people. They tried to blur their differences with the president on the war ..."

I can only say: Get that man a microphone! I wholeheartedly agree. What this last election proves, as the New York Times has clearly explained, is that the people want expensive '60s-style government programs, a mammoth tax increase, a depleted, anemic military and an enormous welfare state. (Duh.)

Oh, and President Bush flitting around the country on Air Force One...how much did that cost in taxpayer dollars? The Democrats dealt with the reality of tax cuts...people voted for the fantasy projected by the Republicans. You see, people still want to believe that somehow the Republican party does care about the little people...like a dog that keeps crawling back to an abusiveÊowner...hoping against hope that this time he won't be kicked. And, by the way, Ann? The man was on radio...he had a microphone.

And, come to think of it, if people had jobs that paid a living wage, there wouldn't be a need for an enormous welfare state, now would there? But big business wouldn't have anything to do with that...after all, living wages for the people on the factory lines would cut into the executive perks.

Hauling poor old Walter Mondale out of retirement to defend Jimmy Carter's record was definitely a step in the right direction. (New slogan idea š "The Democratic Party: The Gift That Keeps On Giving!") But it's not enough. In the interest of good sportsmanship, I have some other suggestions to help the Democrats clarify their differences with the Republicans.

First, the Democratic Party needs to have a lot more anti-war rallies in which Jesse Jackson embraces Ramsey Clark and liberals go around calling one another "comrade." The public cries out for the opinions of doddering old Stalinists in berets. Do not fall for the canard about left-wing kooks undermining the work of liberals who look normal.

There is nothing communistic or unpatriotic about being against war or believing there has to be another way to resolve conflict. Just as there is nothing patriotic about being for war. It's comparing apples and oranges.

That's what Dick Gephardt, D-Mo., thought, and look what happened to him. Of the three Democrats arguably responsible for the election fiasco š Terry McAuliffe, Tom Daschle and Dick Gephardt š surely the least culpable was Gephardt, the original phony "NASCAR Democrat." But picking up on the Clinton strategy of blame the innocent and promote the guilty, only Gephardt resigned.

Let's go back to the drubbing for a moment. Gephardt beat his Republican challenger...59% of the vote to 39%. Jim Talent beat Jean Carnahan by 49.8% to 48.6%. A 20% spread compared to a 1.2% spread...who got drubbed?

Second, the Democrats definitely need to speak out more forcefully against the Boy Scouts. So far, their hatred of the Boy Scouts has been frankly weak-kneed. Two years ago, Rep. Lynn Woolsey, D-Calif., introduced a bill to revoke the Boy Scouts 84-year-old federal charter because they discriminate against gays. Despite the votes of several Democrats, the bill was narrowly rejected in a 362-12 vote.

It's a hopeful sign that Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., is on track to succeed Gephardt as House minority leader. She supported revoking the Boy Scouts charter. But to really uncompact the Democrats' message, they need to take a two-fisted approach toward this wholesome, all-American organization. This is no time for subtlety: The Democrats need to present a clear alternative. Demand that the Boy Scouts be outlawed. Go after the Boy Scouts like you're going after the Klan!

Ann, your homophobia is showing. And so is the Boy Scouts'.

Third, there is still plenty of room to curry more favor with the teachers' unions. Democrats should start demanding really, REALLY small class sizes. Right now the critical ratio is supposed to be 20 students to 1 teacher. Hundreds of studies have failed to produce any correlation between class size and student achievement. In fact, the United States has far smaller class sizes than Japan and far worse test scores.

But don't let that slow you down! A clear message for the Democratic Party is at stake. Democrats need to start demanding one teacher, one teacher's assistant, one backup teacher's assistant and one auxiliary backup teacher's assistant for every student. Instead of a ratio of 20 students to 1 teacher, they should insist on .03 students for every teacher.

Correct me if I'm wrong but...wouldn't smaller class sizes eventually lead to better education? And part of the problem with education is the lack of hope for lower middle class and lower class students to go on to college...lack of money. And there is an ongoing problem with the process of education...instead of actually educating. Test scores have become more important that actually teaching the children.

Fourth, it's time to roll out Hillary's national health-care plan again. Desperate times call for desperate measures. But this time, it should not be limited to American citizens. Let the Republicans oppose extending a prescription-drug program to the citizens of all nations!

So, you're admitting that Republicans are against a prescription drug program, Ann?

Fifth, it's not enough to oppose a missile-defense system because it "won't work." Everyone knows Democrats haven't the first idea how a squirt gun operates, much less complicated missile technology. It's time to oppose Star Wars on the grounds that š even if it works š it will protect only the top 1 percent of earners.

You don't really want to go there, do you, Ann? Let's examine this point, shall we? Democrats in military service - Richard Gephardt (1965-1971), David Bonior (1968-1972), Tom Daschle (1969-1972), Al Gore (1969-1971), Bob Kerrey (Congressional Medal of Honor), Daniel Inouye (Congressional Medal of Honor),ÊJohn Kerry (Silver & Bronze Stars), Charles Rangel (Bronze Star), Max Cleland (Silver & Bronze Stars), Howell Heflin (Silver Star), Bill McBride (Bronze Star)....I think you get the idea.

Now for a look at Republicans...Dennis Hastert (did not serve), Dick Armey (did not serve), Tom Delay ("So many minority youths had volunteered...that there was literaly no room for patriotic folks like himself"), Trent Lott (did not serve), Dick Cheney (deferments...did not serve), John Ashcroft (deferments...did not serve), Jeb Bush (did not serve), Karl Rove (did not serve), Phil Gramm (did not serve), and let's not forget GW Bush (in National Guard...jumped to head of line to get in and did not complete obligation).

Now, who doesn't know how a squirt gun operates?

Sixth, the Muslim snipers terrorizing Maryland and Virginia present a once-in-a lifetime opportunity to promote voter registration for felons. Now is the time to rush Jesse Jackson to their holding cells with voter-registration cards. Also, the lead gunman was 17 years old. Refer to him as a "child" while hysterically denouncing the death penalty for "juveniles." Perhaps the French could even make the younger sniper an honorary citizen, like Mumia. I only regret that Leonard Bernstein isn't around to throw a cocktail party for them.

What does one thing have to do with another? I have a headache now...

Finally, as Hillary Kessler-Godin (New York!) wrote in a letter to the New York Times last Thursday: "The party needs to bring out the two best weapons in its arsenal, Bill and Hillary Clinton." No question about it. In fact, it ought to be part of the Democratic Party platform that Bill Clinton is required to campaign with every Democratic candidate running for any office in the land. Also, Ms. Kessler-Godin has to start attending the anti-war rallies.

Please, Ann. Admit it, if you didn't have Clinton, you wouldn't have a career. There is life outside of Clinton. I think you're obsessed. Treatment might be in order if this continues.

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