Hamlet
Act V, Scene 1

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A churchyard.	Act Five begins in a churchyard, which used to be the common burial place for many people. This was especially true for those who had passed away.
Enter two Clowns, with spades, etc. FIRST CLOWN	Two clowns enter, and begin to dig in the dirt. The “clowns” begin to dig a grave. They are gravediggers. They are called clowns in the play because they are supposed to be funny. Ha - ha.
Is she to be buried in Christian burial that wilfully seeks her own salvation? SECOND CLOWN I tell thee she is: and therefore make her grave	As they dig, they discuss the fact that this corpse is to be given a "Christian burial" (lines 4-5).
straight: the crowner hath sat on her, and finds it Christian burial. FIRST CLOWN	The "crowner" has "sat on her," according to the Second Clown.
How can that be, unless she drowned herself in her own defence? SECOND CLOWN	This surprises the two clowns, but the ruling has been made. Even though this girl "drowned herself," which is a suicide, she is going to receive a real burial. Normally, people who committed suicide were not allowed that option.
Why, 'tis found so. FIRST CLOWN
It must be 'se offendendo;' it cannot be else. For here lies the point: if I drown myself wittingly, it argues an act: and an act hath three branches: it is, to act, to do, to perform: argal, she drowned herself wittingly. SECOND CLOWN Nay, but hear you, goodman delver,-- FIRST CLOWN Give me leave. Here lies the water; good: here stands the man; good; if the man go to this water, and drown himself, it is, will he, nill he, he goes,--mark you that; but if the water come to him and drown him, he drowns not himself: argal, he that is not guilty of his own death shortens not his own life. SECOND CLOWN	One of the grave-diggers attempts to explain it, using some obscure legal terms which are Latin, and which nobody pays any attention to anyway. Except lawyers. A bit of vocabulary help: the word "argal" is really "ergo." This would be great, if only we knew what "ergo" meant.
But is this law? FIRST CLOWN Ay, marry, is't; crowner 's quest law. SECOND CLOWN Will you ha' the truth on't? If this had not been a gentlewoman, she should have been buried out o' Christian burial. FIRST CLOWN Why, there thou say'st: and the more pity that great folk should have countenance in this world to drown or hang themselves, more than their even Christian. Come, my spade. There is no ancient gentleman but gardeners, ditchers, and grave-makers: they hold up Adam's profession. SECOND CLOWN
Was he a gentleman? FIRST CLOWN He was the first that ever bore arms. SECOND CLOWN Why, he had none. FIRST CLOWN What, art a heathen? How dost thou understand the Scripture? The Scripture says 'Adam digged:' could he dig without arms? I'll put another question to thee: if thou answerest me not to the purpose, confess thyself-- SECOND CLOWN Go to. FIRST CLOWN	The Gravedigger refers to Adam, from the Bible. He says that digging a grave was "Adam's profession."
What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter? SECOND CLOWN	Now, it is riddle time. The first Gravedigger asks who builds things which are stronger than the things built by a mason, a shipbuilder, and a carpenter.
The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a thousand tenants. FIRST CLOWN	The second Clown answers: the guy who builds a gallows, used in a hanging. The gallows outlives many victims.
I like thy wit well, in good faith: the gallows does well; but how does it well? it does well to those that do in: now thou dost ill to say the gallows is built stronger than the church: argal , the gallows may do well to thee. To't again, come. SECOND CLOWN 'Who builds stronger than a mason, a shipwright, or a carpenter?' FIRST CLOWN Ay, tell me that, and unyoke. SECOND CLOWN Marry, now I can tell. FIRST CLOWN To't. SECOND CLOWN Mass, I cannot tell.	That was not the real answer, but the First Clown appreciates it, just the same.
Enter HAMLET and HORATIO, at a distance FIRST CLOWN Cudgel thy brains no more about it, for your dull ass will not mend his pace with beating; and, when you are asked this question next, say 'a	Hamlet and Horatio approach, and they decide to eavesdrop for awhile. They must really be bored.
grave-maker: 'the houses that he makes last till doomsday. Go, get thee to Yaughan: fetch me a stoup of liquor.	Finally, the First Clown answers the riddle. The answer is a Gravedigger. The things that he builds last until "doomsday."
Exit SECOND CLOWN	After they have sufficiently annoyed the entire audience, the Second Clown leaves.
FIRST CLOWN digs and sings In youth, when I did love, did love, Methought it was very sweet, To contract, O, the time, for, ah, my behove, O, methought, there was nothing meet. HAMLET	The other Clown begins to sing, as he continues to dig.  This annoys the audience even more.
Has this fellow no feeling of his business, that he sings at grave-making? HORATIO Custom hath made it in him a property of easiness. HAMLET 'Tis e'en so: the hand of little employment hath the daintier sense. FIRST CLOWN [Sings] But age, with his stealing steps, Hath claw 'd me in his clutch, And hath shipped me intil the land, As if I had never been such.	Hamlet is surprised that the digger can sing, while he is doing such depressing work.
Throws up a skull HAMLET	Suddenly, from down in the hole that he has dug. the grave digger throws up a skull.
That skull had a tongue in it, and could sing once: how the knave jowls it to the ground, as if it were Cain's jaw-bone, that did the first murder! It might be the pate of a politician, which this ass now o'er-reaches; one that would circumvent God, might it not? HORATIO It might, my lord. HAMLET	Hamlet examines the skull, and wonders who it might have belonged to (lines 77-84). He thinks it might have belonged to a politician. He may have noticed a foul odor.
Or of a courtier; which could say 'Good morrow, sweet lord! How dost thou, good lord?' This might be my lord such-a-one, that praised my lord such-a-one's horse, when he meant to beg it; might it not? HORATIO Ay, my lord. HAMLET	Next, he wonders if the skull came from some "courtier." A guy who hangs around the royal palace. One who is extrememly polite. You know, a "suck up."
Why, e'en so: and now my Lady Worm 's; chapless, and knocked about the mazzard with a sexton's spade: here's fine revolution, an we had the trick to see't. Did these bones cost no more the breeding, but to play at loggats with 'em? mine ache to think on't. A pick-axe, and a spade, a spade, For and a shrouding sheet: O, a pit of clay for to be made For such a guest is meet.	Now, he says, the courtier belongs to "Lady Worm." Hamlet notices that the skull is "chapless." It does not have the bottom jaw. That part is missing. Poor chap.
Throws up another skull HAMLET	The grave digger throws up a second skull, and Hamlet examines this one, too.
There's another: why may not that be the skull of a lawyer? Where be his quiddities now, his quillets, his cases, his tenures, and his tricks? why does he suffer this rude knave now to knock him about the sconce with a dirty shovel, and will not tell him of his action of battery? Hum! This fellow might be in's time a great buyer of land, with his statutes, his recognizances, his fines, his double vouchers, his recoveries: is this the fine of his fines, and the recovery of his recoveries, to have his fine pate full of fine dirt? will his vouchers vouch him no more of his purchases, and double ones too, than the length and breadth of a pair of indentures? The very conveyances of his lands will hardly lie in this box; and must the inheritor himself have no more, ha? HORATIO Not a jot more, my lord. HAMLET Is not parchment made of sheepskins? HORATIO Ay, my lord, and of calf-skins too. HAMLET They are sheep and calves which seek out assurance	Hamlet wonders whether it might be the skull of a lawyer. Finally, something to cheer us up.
in that. I will speak to this fellow. Whose grave 's this, sirrah?	Hamlet finally decides to talk to the gravedigger. He asks the digger whose grave this is.
FIRST CLOWN Mine, sir.	The clown answers “Mine, sir” (line 115).
Sings O, a pit of clay for to be made For such a guest is meet. HAMLET
I think it be thine, indeed; for thou liest in't. FIRST CLOWN	Hamlet agrees, and notes that the gravedigger “lies” in it. This, kiddies, is what is known as a pun.
You lie out on't, sir, and therefore it is not yours: for my part, I do not lie in't, and yet it is mine. HAMLET 'Thou dost lie in't, to be in't and say it is thine: 'tis for the dead, not for the quick; therefore thou liest. FIRST CLOWN 'Tis a quick lie, sir; 'twill away gain, from me to you. HAMLET	Not to be outdone, the gravedigger notes that it is not Hamlet's grave, since he "lies" out of it.
What man dost thou dig it for? FIRST CLOWN For no man, sir. HAMLET	Hamlet asks what man is to be buried in the grave. The gravedigger explains it is not for a man.
What woman, then? FIRST CLOWN For none, neither. HAMLET Who is to be buried in't? FIRST CLOWN	Hamlet asks what woman the grave is for. The gravedigger replies it is not for a woman, either.
One that was a woman, sir; but, rest her soul, she's dead. HAMLET How absolute the knave is! we must speak by the card, or equivocation will undo us. By the Lord, Horatio, these three years I have taken a note of it; the age is grown so picked that the toe of the peasant comes so near the heel of the courtier, he	The grave is for someone who was a woman. Now, she is just dead.
gaffs his kibe . How long hast thou been a grave-maker? FIRST CLOWN	Hamlet asks the fellow how long he has been a gravedigger.
Of all the days i' the year, I came to't that day that our last king Hamlet overcame Fortinbras. HAMLET	The First Clown explains that he has been digging graves ever since Old King Hamnlet defeated that Fortinbras guy, from Norway.
How long is that since? FIRST CLOWN Cannot you tell that? every fool can tell that: it was the very day that young Hamlet was born; he that is mad, and sent into England. HAMLET Ay, marry, why was he sent into England? FIRST CLOWN	Hamlet asks how long ago that was. The gravedigger explains that it was the very day that "Young Prince Hamlet" was born.
Why, because he was mad: he shall recover his wits there; or, if he do not, it's no great matter there. HAMLET Why? FIRST CLOWN 'Twill, a not be seen in him there; there the men are as mad as he. HAMLET How came he mad? FIRST CLOWN Very strangely, they say. HAMLET	The Clown says that Hamlet was sent to England in hopes that he would "recover his wits." If he does not, though, it would not be all that big a deal, anyway. Not in England.
How strangely? FIRST CLOWN Faith, e'en with losing his wits . HAMLET Upon what ground? FIRST CLOWN Why, here in Denmark: I have been sexton here, man and boy, thirty years. HAMLET	This sort of witty dialogue continues for about another two minutes (two minutes too long).
How long will a man lie i' the earth ere he rot? FIRST CLOWN I' faith, if he be not rotten before he die--as we have many pocky corses now-a-days, that will scarce hold the laying in--he will last you some eight year or nine year: a tanner will last you nine year. HAMLET Why he more than another? FIRST CLOWN Why, sir, his hide is so tanned with his trade , that he will keep out water a great while; and your water is a sore decayer of your whoreson dead body. Here's a skull now; this skull has lain in the earth three and twenty years. HAMLET Whose was it? FIRST CLOWN A whoreson mad fellow's it was; Whose do you think it was? HAMLET Nay, I know not. FIRST CLOWN A pestilence on him for a mad rogue! a' poured a	The word "ere" means "before." Hamlet asks how long before a dead man begins to "rot."
flagon of Rhenish on my head once . This same skull, sir, was Yorick's skull, the king's jester. HAMLET This? FIRST CLOWN E'en that. HAMLET Let me see.	Finally, the gravedigger refers to one of the skulls lying around the place, and mentions that it belonged to some guy named “Yorrick.”
Takes the skull Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest , of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen? Now get you to my lady's chamber , and tell her, let her paint an inch thick , to this favour she must come; make her laugh at that. Prithee, Horatio, tell me one thing. HORATIO What's that, my lord? HAMLET Dost thou think Alexander looked o' this fashion i' the earth? HORATIO E'en so. HAMLET And smelt so? pah! Puts down the skull HORATIO E'en so, my lord. HAMLET To what base uses we may return, Horatio! Why may not imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander, till he find it stopping a bung-hole? HORATIO 'Twere to consider too curiously, to consider so. HAMLET	Hamlet picks it up, and decides that it is time for another “famous line.”
No, faith, not a jot; but to follow him thither with modesty enough, and likelihood to lead it: as thus: Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth into dust; the dust is earth; of earth we make loam; and why of that loam, whereto he was converted, might they not stop a beer-barrel? Imperious Caesar, dead and turn 'd to clay, Might stop a hole to keep the wind away: O, that that earth, which kept the world in awe, Should patch a wall to expel the winter flaw ! But soft! but soft! aside: here comes the king.	Hamlet suddenly becomes quite philosophical. He notices that a King is born of dust, and lives, and then dies. Then, he is buried, and eventually decays and rots. He becomes dust. This dust can then become "loam." Loam, which comes from the earth, was used to make a plug to stop up a beer barrel. Now, even a great King can serve for such a silly purpose. Profound, isn't it? Deep. So think about that, the next time you hoist a few.
Enter Priest, etc. in procession; the Corpse of OPHELIA, LAERTES and Mourners following; KING CLAUDIUS, QUEEN GERTRUDE, their trains, etc.	Next, Hamlet and Horatio spot a funeral procession, with a lot of familiar people. The King enters, and Queen Gertrude, and Laertes, and some Priests and Lords. It is Ophelia’s funeral. This is who the grave was being dug for.
The queen, the courtiers: who is this they follow? And with such maimed rites? This doth betoken The corse they follow did with desperate hand Fordo its own life: 'twas of some estate. Couch we awhile, and mark. Retiring with HORATIO LAERTES	Hamlet and Horatio quickly find a place to hide.
What ceremony else? HAMLET That is Laertes, A very noble youth: mark. LAERTES	Hamlet and Horatio spy on the "ceremony," which is not much of a ceremony.
What ceremony else? FIRST PRIEST	Laertes keeps asking "What ceremony else?" He wants more of a ceremony for his sister, Ophelia. He doesn't think they are paying her proper respect. He has noticed the rather cheap flowers. Worse, the music is not even live.
Her obsequies have been as far enlarged As we have warrantise: her death was doubtful; And, but that great command o'ersways the order , She should in ground unsanctified have lodged Till the last trumpet: for charitable prayers, Shards , flints and pebbles should be thrown on her; Yet here she is allow 'd her virgin crants , Her maiden strewments and the bringing home Of bell and burial. LAERTES	Due to her “unusual” death, the priest will not allow much more than a word or two.
Must there no more be done? FIRST PRIEST No more be done: We should profane the service of the dead To sing a requiem and such rest to her As to peace-parted souls. LAERTES Lay her i' the earth: And from her fair and unpolluted flesh May violets spring! I tell thee, churlish priest, A ministering angel shall my sister be, When thou liest howling. HAMLET
What, the fair Ophelia! QUEEN GERTRUDE	At this point, Hamlet finally realizes that it is Ophelia's corpse that is being buried. Obviously, Hamlet is not in the upper percentile of his graduating class.
Sweets to the sweet: farewell! Scattering flowers I hoped thou shouldst have been my Hamlet's wife; I thought thy bride-bed to have deck 'd, sweet maid, And not have strew'd thy grave . LAERTES O, treble woe Fall ten times treble on that cursed head, Whose wicked deed thy most ingenious sense Deprived thee of! Hold off the earth awhile, Till I have caught her once more in mine arms:	Queen Gertrude steps forward, and throws a few flowers into the grave.
Leaps into the grave Now pile your dust upon the quick and dead, Till of this flat a mountain you have made, To o'ertop old Pelion, or the skyish head Of blue Olympus. HAMLET	Laertes seems quite upset over the death of Ophelia, and he actually jumps into the grave, before the dirt can be laid in on top of her. Apparently, he wants one last embrace.
[Advancing] What is he whose grief Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow Conjures the wandering stars, and makes them stand Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I, Hamlet the Dane.	Laertes’ show of “grief” enrages Hamlet, who jumps out of his hiding place.
Leaps into the grave LAERTES The devil take thy soul!	Hamlet suddenly leaps into the grave as well. The two begin to fight, viciously, trying to kill one another.
Grappling with him HAMLET Thou pray'st not well. I prithee, take thy fingers from my throat; For, though I am not splenitive and rash , Yet have I something in me dangerous, Which let thy wiseness fear: hold off thy hand. KING CLAUDIUS Pluck them asunder. QUEEN GERTRUDE Hamlet, Hamlet! All Gentlemen,-- HORATIO Good my lord, be quiet.	Even worse, they begin to "grapple."
The Attendants part them, and they come out of the grave HAMLET Why I will fight with him upon this theme Until my eyelids will no longer wag. QUEEN GERTRUDE O my son, what theme? HAMLET I loved Ophelia: forty thousand brothers Could not, with all their quantity of love, Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her? KING CLAUDIUS O, he is mad, Laertes. QUEEN GERTRUDE For love of God, forbear him. HAMLET 'Swounds, show me what thou'lt do: Woo't weep? woo't fight? woo't fast? woo't tear thyself? Woo't drink up eisel? Eat a crocodile? I'll do't. Dost thou come here to whine? To outface me with leaping in her grave? Be buried quick with her, and so will I: And, if thou prate of mountains, let them throw Millions of acres on us, till our ground, Singeing his pate against the burning zone, Make Ossa like a wart! Nay, an thou'lt mouth, I'll rant as well as thou. QUEEN GERTRUDE This is mere madness: And thus awhile the fit will work on him; Anon, as patient as the female dove, When that her golden couplets are disclosed, His silence will sit drooping. HAMLET Hear you, sir; What is the reason that you use me thus? I loved you ever: but it is no matter; Let Hercules himself do what he may, The cat will mew and dog will have his day.	After they have separated, Hamlet scolds Laertes, and promises he would fight Laertes at any time.
Exit KING CLAUDIUS I pray you, good Horatio, wait upon him. Exit HORATIO	Then, Hamlet leaves, as he must get ready for the final scene.
To LAERTES Strengthen your patience in our last night's speech; We'll put the matter to the present push. Good Gertrude, set some watch over your son. This grave shall have a living monument: An hour of quiet shortly shall we see; Till then, in patience our proceeding be. Exeunt	King Claudius reminds Laertes of their little plan, and the scene ends.

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