Cloning FAQ
Frequently and Infrequently Asked Questions

Q: Can one clone rabbits?
A: I'd rather not split hares, but don't you think rabbits multiply fast enough anyway?

Q: What about ethics and human cloning?
A: Since humans don't seem to come by ethics easily, I doubt it's a genetic trait, and so cloning for ethics in humans probably won't work.

Q: Can one use cells other than mammary cells in cloning?
A: Yes. Alternatives are being studied. If the Communications "Decency" Act is somehow regarded by the Supreme Court as constitutional, we're going to need alternatives, because the word "mammary" might be banned on the Internet.

Q: If Diann cloned herself, wouldn't this site be completed faster?
A: Diann thinks one of herself running around the universe is quite enough. Besides, any clone of hers would probably take a good look at the situation, and run off to Montana to raise up a crop of dental floss.

Q: What about using monkeys as surrogate mothers for human clones?
A: The only forseen problems are that the kid may come out looking like you, but with a tendency to pick and eat head lice when bananas are not available. Such a child may also imprint on fur-covered mothers.

Q: Is cloning natural?
A: Viruses clone. Bacteria clone. Even the cells in your body clone. Strike a blow for Mammalian Rights, and insist on your right to clone!!

Q: Can one clone the human soul?
A: One can clone sole, yes, but salmon is oh so much tastier!!

Q: S-O-U-L. Can one clone human soul?
A: They've been trying to do that with Aretha Franklin for years. No success yet.

Q: What's the next big step in cloning going to be?
A: Spontaneous cloning. Rather like how microorganisms do it -- without laboratory equipment. They'll probably start with frogs, get into sheep, and conclude with humans. Gestation would certainly take less than nine months.

Q: Any problems you forsee with spontaneous human cloning?
A: Several.
1.) We may not know which is the original and which is the clone, as both parts would mutually separate from each other. Whole new wormholes in the legal beagle world would arise.
2.) It is probably a lot less painful to pluck off one cell from someone to form a clone, trigger it, and pay someone else to carry it in her womb for those nine months.
3.) Spontaneous human cloning might be easily confused with Spontaneous Human Combustion. However, if one remembers that in the former case one is left with two identical humans, whereas in the latter, one is left the well-done DNA portions of no remaining identical humans. Neither cloning after combusting, or combusting after cloning, are recommended as the steps involve extra, and contradictory, work.

Q: What if everyone got cloned?
A: People are like cats -- getting everybody to do the same thing is a useless concept, which is why that was a useless question.

Q: What was the name of the first cloned frog?
A: Dolly. We clone the names, too.

Q: What about forensics and human cloning?
A: Well, if juries won't always convict on DNA analysis, one way around this is to clone the blood, hair, or other bodily tissues that a perpetrator leaves behind at the scene of a crime. By the time the case gets to court, there's a little wailing baby who's the spitting image of the guilty party.

Dolly's Cloning Emporium

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