It's astonishing what some people think is brag-worthy. Some of the most laughable recent examples include:

Redfish Telemetrix Selects GenesisIntermedia.com, Inc. To Perform Rateseeker Telemarketing

LOS ANGELES, June 25 -- GenesisIntermedia.com, Inc. (Nasdaq: GENI) and Redfish Telemetrix(TM), Inc. today announced that Redfish Telemetrix has selected GenesisIntermedia to act as its exclusive outbound telemarketing agent for Redfish's RateSeeker(TM) long distance rate optimization product.

Or, in other words, Redfish Telemetrix has hired a boiler room company to flood potential customers with annoying dinnertime calls hawking yet another long distance service.

We're certainly looking forward to fielding that call..

Norton 2000 2.0 the Best Way to Help Consumers, Small Businesses Protect Themselves Against Y2K Problems

Version 2.0 Features Fix Assistant for Easy Remediation of Common Year 2000 Issues

CUPERTINO, Calif., June 23 -- Symantec Corporation (Nasdaq: SYMC) today announced Norton 2000 2.0. Norton 2000 is an effective Y2K solution that addresses century-date issues on desktop and laptop PCs. By addressing both hardware and software Y2K issues, Norton 2000 makes it easier for small businesses, day extenders, and work-at-home employees to effectively reduce the threat of downtime resulting from non-compliant data, applications and BIOS'.

The problem is, the BIOS fix Norton 2000 provides only addresses the one-time January 1, 2000 rollover issue -- and not the more fundamental problem of how to cope with Tuesday, February 29, 2000.

186K.NET'S Promulgate(TM) Deal Will Help Liven Up The World-Wide Wait

BOCA RATON, Fla., June 28 -- 186K.NET, a Boca Raton-based technology firm and hosting facility, today announced its strategic partnership with The DelFin Project(TM), Inc., whose PromulGate(TM) technology will not only bring a new multimedia dimension to Internet advertising, but entertain Internet users during the notoriously stale world-wide wait.

186K.NET bought a two-year license (with option to renew) to resell PromulGate(TM), the patent-pending software technology which converts "dead" computer dial-up (or log-on time) as well as log-off time (collectively called, "latent time") into high-valued advertising.

Yes, soon you, too, can tee users off by forcing them to endure advertising, while they wait for the modem connections they'll be ditching as soon as DSL or cable modem service becomes available.

Now take aim at the other foot..

Quicken.com Elevates Investors Into Wall Street Warriors With Latest Investment Features and Editorial Content

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif., June 28 -- Wondering what to buy and what to sell during this topsy-turvy market? Quicken.com, (www.Quicken.com) a leading personal finance Web site, provides individual investors the tools and resources that Wall Street experts use to answer those key investment questions. Today Intuit (Nasdaq: INTU) announced a number of powerful features on Quicken.com intended to offer individual investors unprecedented insight into their investment decision-making process. Quicken.com's new investment features address the issues of information overload and lack-of-confidence, by providing best-of-breed resources to cut through information clutter and help make sense of the data.

Uh-huh. Just like that tow-truck driver that owns his own country..?

FWIW -- The phrase "best of breed" is an almost infallible indicator that the marketeer in question thinks you're an idiot.

And finally..

NUWAVE Announces Introduction of Proprietary New Digital Software Product for Enhancing Photos and Moving Video on the Internet

FAIRFIELD, New Jersey, June 22 -- NUWAVE Technologies, Inc. (Nasdaq: WAVE) today unveiled at its annual shareholders meeting a proprietary new digital software product, the "IMAGER," which enhances computer images and streaming video on the Internet.

Another proprietary streaming video product?

We're so excited, we can hardly keep our eyes open..

(Copyright© 1999 by Thom Stark -- all rights reserved)

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