Paramount owns everything in the Star Trek universe, including
all characters. They just let me play in their playground sometimes.


	Faith and Consequences by Zlanna

	Birds were singing in the arboretum, making an awful screeching
that grated on Deanna's nerves. Blossoms heavy with a sickly sweet
perfume fell from the apple trees. It was spring time aboard the
Enterprise and if that weren't bad enough everyone was still wearing the
goofy smiles the crew had acquired a few weeks back in the Briar Patch.
Deanna batted a butterfly away as it flitted from one apple tree to the
next. It all too perfect.

	Will Riker reached over and wiped the tear from her cheek, then
rubbed the moisture between his thumb and finger. "Come on, you didn't
think it would be so simple did you?"

	"I didn't think," she admitted. She sensed his laugh even though
he didn't crack a smile.

	"You never think when you are around me - as I recall that got
you in trouble before." He drew her close and when she tried to pull
away he held her tighter. "We are going to make it work this time,
Deanna."

	She wanted to believe him, but there had been reasons, good reasons
why they had avoided this situation. His hand slid down her shoulder and
brushed her breast. Not this time she thought, pushing it away. Turning,
she ran back to her cabin before he could wipe her tears again. In her
head she heard him beg her to stop, but she only ran faster.

	There was no one to turn to. Only Beverly and she was in such
pain over Picard and his affair with Anij that Deanna couldn't burden
her friend with her worries. Unable to stop crying she stripped and
dressed for bed, even though it was early. Crawling under her blanket
she waited for sleep, but it didn't come. He tried to contact her. She
knew he would. First through her messaging system, then through the
combadge, then as she'd taught him. She resisted answering despite the
ache in her heart his pain caused her.

	Finally he came to her door. She could hear him call out. "Deanna,
let me in."

	She closed her eyes, trying to ignore him, but Will Riker wasn't
a man who allowed you to ignore him. "Let me in, please."

	She thought he might have gone away. She didn't hear anything.
Then she heard him again, "At least talk to me."

	"No," she sent. "You only want to talk in bed."

	Through his com badge he replied, "Riker to Troi." There was a
slight pause and then in a quiet voice he said, "Neither of us are going
to sleep tonight if we go to bed angry with each other."

	He was right of course. She hated it when he was right. She rose
and went to the living room, "Open," she instructed.

	His eyes lit up when he saw her gown, but he quickly hid the smile.
"Do you want to, um, get a robe on?"

	"Give me a minute. Go ahead and get something to drink if you want."
From her bedroom door she turned and stole a look back at him, watching
him as he began to fix his drink. All she had wanted for years was to be
with him like this and now that everything was in her grasp she couldn't
bring herself to reach out and embrace this chance at happiness.

	Retreating into her room she felt like crying - again. Deanna didn't
put a robe on. She put her uniform back on instead, preferring to make
the visit less intimate. For a moment she thought of putting her hair
up, but she knew he would never stand for it and would pull it down.
Taking a deep breath she collected herself, checked the mirror and went
back to the living room to face him.

	He frowned when he saw the uniform, but a look of understanding
came to him quickly. "You feel you've made a mistake."

	She hadn't expected him to be so direct. It was like him though
to cut to the heart of the matter. "Will, you know that isn't true."

	"Then marry me."

	"Why is that always your solution?" She sank into a nearby chair. "I
am not trying to rope you into marrying me."

	"You don't think I'm ready to commit myself to you." His words
were deliberate, fired off in sequence like bursts of phasers. "I
thought if I told you I want to marry you, then you'd... understand
...that...I..."

	At first Deanna thought he might be ill when she saw him drop
his head into his clenched fists. She waited, growing more concerned the
longer he remained still. It wasn't until she saw him wipe the palm of
his hand across his eyes that she realized this was much harder for him
than she thought. She had been blocking his emotions. It had been the
only way she thought she could hold this conversation with him, but now
she let her guard down. Gently she reached out to him, a small sigh
escaping as she picked up his fear. At some point she went to him, but
she had no memory of doing so. She only knew that in the space of a
moment she was next to him, holding him, reassuring him, telling him she
loved him and saying all the things she had promised herself she
wouldn't say. Then she brushed back his hair and kissed him hard so he
would believe her and pulled him into her bedroom and did all the things
she had promised herself she wouldn't do that night.

	***

	She woke first. In his sleep, his arm had draped over her and
when she tried to pull away his hand squeezed her shoulder gently.

	"Are you sorry about last night?"

	"No," she reassured him. She pulled the cover over him as he lay
nude on his back.

	His eyes remained closed. His voice lacked its confident tone, "I
mean that you let me stay?"

	"No," she said with less conviction.

	"Deanna," He opened his eyes and she found herself staring into
his blue gaze, as mesmerized as the first time she had seen her
reflection there. "I love you," he continued, "I'll never hurt you. I
promise."

	The intensity of the blue eyes was too much for her. She closed
her own, refusing to lose herself completely in the love she felt from
him. "I thought this was what you wanted."

	"Is it what you wanted?" she asked.

	He didn't answer for a moment, just propped himself on one arm.
He brushed her hair back off her bare shoulder. "Yes."

	Deanna opened her eyes and smiled. "Me too." She was determined
to snap out of this depression she was feeling. "Come on. Let's get up.
We both have bridge duty in an hour and I'm starved." Looking up she
realized Will was watching her, a hopeful expression on his face. She
reached over to his bare face and smiled. He deserved that much.
"Stubble."

	"Right. I guess I should..." he motioned hopefully to her bathroom,
"shave."

	Oh, what was the use, Deanna wondered. "Here," she said reaching
over and taking his hand in hers, "Getting rid of the beard was my idea
- I'll do it."

	***

	Deanna was relieved when her last two appointments cancelled.
Both had needed to see Beverly on a personal health question. With the
second half of her shift free she would finally have the time she needed
to puzzle out what was bothering her since she and Will had renewed
their relationship in the Briar Patch. Part of the problem she knew was
the fact that everyone around them assumed they had both just reacted to
the effects of the Briar Patch anomalies. But she knew it was more
complicated than that. For over a year they had skirted a thin line
between best friends and lovers. Both had tested the other with kisses
that lasted a little longer than platonic. With late night conversations
that had drifted into the early morning hours because neither wanted to
say good-night and both wanted to go to bed but not without the other.
Nothing had happened. Not beyond some experimental petting Will had
started the night before they had entered the Briar Patch. Sooner or
later they would have ended up right where they were today, but the problem
was that they had fast forwarded the relationship driven more by
adolescent hormones than by common sense. There were so many questions
that hadn't been asked - or answered. If they had had more time, one of
those late night conversations would have drifted toward a discussion of
careers and family and the consequences of the bond.

***
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