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Past History by Zlanna@aol.com

Chapter 1 
Infatuation

	Will Riker woke, opening his eyes to a bright, white light blinding
him.  Trying to focus, he held his arm protectively over his face,
looking around the room, noting the beds arranged in straight lines.
Strange sounds assaulted him.  Displays on the walls flashed lights
periodically. There were several people gathered around a young woman -
their backs to him talking in low soothing tones. He started to sit up,
but his head began to pound. A high pitched alarm sounded, causing his
temple to throb even more.
	"Will!  Take it easy! I'm glad to see you woke up.  Good morning,
I've been waiting for you to join the living. Do you remember me?"
Doctor Crusher whispered something to the orderly next to her, then
turned her attention back to the Commander.
	Riker watched the tall redhead walk over to him. She was attractive
with her long auburn hair, but she moved stiffly, like someone with a
bad back. "Doctor," he struggled to remember from last night,
"...Crusher. Right?"
	"Right. Very good. Are you hungry? What would you like to eat?"
	Will followed the doctor's comments closely. Was he hungry? Well, he
might be, he hadn't thought of it. He tried to decide if he was hungry,
but already the doctor was asking him what he wanted to eat.  He had no
idea what he wanted to eat. He wasn't sure which question to answer
either. If he answered the second question, he had pretty much answered
the first in the affirmative and he wasn't sure if he was hungry.  "My
head hurts." 
	"That is to be expected.  Here. Is that better?" Doctor Crusher
administered the pain medication, then observed his reaction carefully.
	"There was another lady here before." Will tried to sit up again to
take a look around.
	"Nurse Ogawa.  She will be reporting for duty soon.  Here let me
help you." Doctor Crusher's touch was gentle as she placed a support
under Will's back.
	"No. Another doctor. She isn't here now.  Where is she?" Will was
straining to look around the doctor to have a better view of the
sickbay.
	"Another doctor? Oh, Dr. Selar? The Vulcan? She won't be on duty for
several hours."
	"No!" Will started to get angry as he struggled to make himself
understood. "No. Not a Vulcan. The pretty one! Wh, wh, where is she?"
	Beverly's smile grew. "Will Riker, I should have known you would
never forget a pretty girl. Would you like me to ask Counselor Troi if
she would have time to visit you this morning?"
	"Troi. Yes, what is her first name?"  Riker began to calm down.
	"Deanna." Beverly motioned for an orderly to come over.
	"Yes. Deanna. Deanna Troi. That is who she is." Will laid his head
back on the bed. 
	Beverly reached for Riker's hand, measuring his pulse despite the
fact a reading on the side of the biobed gave the same information.
"Will, do you remember Deanna?"
	"She has a sexy smile, doesn't she?" Riker grinned as his eyes
closed and he went back to sleep.
	
	A couple of hours later, Will Riker awoke again. He looked around
the room. He saw Doctor Crusher helping a young woman in another bed on
the other side of the room. He struggled to rise again only to feel the
confinement of the stasis field stop him. "Will!" The doctor as beaming
as she held up a small bundle. "Look. Ensign Misneri had her baby." The
ensign nodded at the doctor who brought the sleeping infant over for the
Commander to inspect. 
	Will watched the small baby, lying peacefully, finger in its mouth,
eyes closed, tiny hands clutching Crusher's finger. "Am I married?"
	Beverly laughed, "No, Will you aren't.  Why do you ask?"
	"Is she married?"
	"Ensign Misneri? Why yes, she is."
	"No. Deanna Troi. Is she married?"
	Beverly smiled. "No Will. Counselor Troi is not married."
	"Good.  I'm hungry now."
	Crusher had no time to react to Will's sudden change of topic. "Oh,
look!  Deanna's here now!" Beverly walked the baby  over for Deanna to
admire before handing him back to Ensign Misneri.
	As Deanna approached, the doctor continued,  "You slept through your
breakfast, Will. I think you said you were hungry, right?"
	Will stared at Deanna. "Are you staying?" he asked.
	Deanna smiled a little embarrassed at his directness. "I can stay
for a while. Then I have to go, but I can come back later to have dinner
with you if you are up to it."
	A young orderly came up to the bed. "Commander, any preferences?" 
	Will looked over at Troi for several minutes. The orderly shifted in
his stance several times waiting for the Commander to answer.
	Deanna realized Riker was hesitating as the orderly stood waiting to
take his lunch order. Helpfully she offered, "You like to eat fish.
Trout. How about a fish sandwich." Will watched her, admiring her gentle
eyes, her smile, her dark curly hair.
	"Fish sandwich." Will smiled at Deanna, looking for a sign that he
had answered correctly. He trusted her. He couldn't explain how, but he
knew she was very important to him.
	"Vegetables, salad, anything else?" the orderly prompted.
	Will stared at Deanna looking for a sign of what to say. Vegetables.
What vegetables should he eat? He wondered if some vegetables were
better than others for getting well. Of course, some vegetables might
not go well with the fish. If he had vegetables then should he have
salad too?  There were lots of kinds of salads, but which would go with
the vegetables that he didn't know whether to order.  Vegetables. Which
vegetables should he get?
	"Will." 
	Her voice was soft, colored by a distinctive accent. He loved to
hear her say his name. He watched her, fascinated by her features. She
was so beautiful. Her eyes were completely dark, not quite like the
others around him. "Are you human?"
	Deanna smiled nervously glancing at the orderly. "I'm half human and
half Betazoid."
	"Betazoid. That must be nice."
	Deanna laughed softly. "Will, let's have a fish sandwich, trout,
with a garden salad, ranch dressing. Blueberry pie with whipped cream
for dessert." Deanna smiled.  "Oh and ice tea with lemon, no sugar."
	"I don't like sugar?"
	"No, you don't."
	"How do you know?" He realized he was making her nervous, but he
could feel her love for him. It was comforting in the strangeness of the
decisions everyone was expecting him to make.
	 Looking up at the orderly again, Deanna said, "Well, you never have
sugar in your ice tea."
	"I feel like I've known you a long time." 
	"Yes, we've known each other a very long time." Deanna looked around
for Beverly, but the doctor was no where in sight.
	"How long?"
	Deanna looked down at Will. Sighing, she said, "Let's see, nineteen
years."
	"I must be an idiot."
	"Why?"
	"Nineteen years." Will laid his head back on the pillow.
	Within minutes the orderly appeared with the replicated meal. Deanna
helped Will sit back up.  He picked up the fork. That was when he caught
Deanna watching his hand shaking slightly. He realized she was upset and
following her gaze saw her staring at the fork. Quickly he put it back
down. He looked up at her again. "What did the doctor say?"
	"Well, just that it will take a while, but you will get better."
	"OK." Will stared at her again not questioning her report but
wondering why she was so sad. "How old are we?"
	"You are 40 and I'm 39. Why?"
	"There's still time."
	"Time for what?" Riker heard the question but was too sleepy to
answer. His eyes closed.

	Beverly came over to see how Will and Deanna were getting along.
"What? He is asleep again?"
	"Is there something wrong?" Deanna asked worriedly.
	"I don't know.  I hadn't expected him to sleep this much. I'm sure
it's okay.  He's doing very well, actually. We will be starting some of
the repair procedure this afternoon. He will need to be awake. It might
be easier on everyone if you were here.  He seems to have retained some
of his attachment to you. In fact, he seems quite infatuated with you."
	"You noticed?" Deanna frowned not sure how to react to Will's
obvious attachment nor to Beverly's comments regarding that attachment. 
"His conversation jumps all over the place."
	"I'm not really anticipating a permanent personality shift Deanna. I
would expect him to be confused at this point.  I would like to see him
eat something though." Crusher started to enter some notes on her
computer PADD.
	"His hand started shaking when he tried to feed himself.  He got
upset."
	"Well, I expect the hand to eye coordination to be better after this
afternoon's treatment."  Beverly patted Deanna's shoulder.  "Maybe you
had better take care of anything you need to before this afternoon's
session. Worf wants to come down to visit. I told him he could come
after the procedure. Will will be exhausted so I told him Worf to keep
it short."
	"I'd like to stay here for just a little while longer. When I'm not
here, I have no sense of him. I need to be close to him as much as he
needs me." Deanna's shifted her focus back to Will.  She realized the
truth of the statement she had just made. Will did need her as much as
she needed him, maybe for the first time. He needed her. It felt odd to
think he needed her. She had always been frightened of her need for him
all these years, and had resented the fact that he didn't seem to need
her as much. Rising from the chair, Deanna headed back to her office to
clear her calendar for the rest of the day.
	An hour and a half later Crusher tapped her com badge, "Deanna, this
is Doctor Crusher. Will is awake and upset!  Do you think you could come
down now.  We would like to start the procedure in a half hour but we
need him calm."
	"Be right there, Beverly." Deanna tried to search out Will as she
headed toward the turbolift, but she couldn't sense him at all. When she
arrived at Sickbay, Deanna was unprepared for the scene which greeted
her. 
	Doctor Crusher was standing next to Will's bed, her arm around him.
Tears were streaming down his face. "It's not a big deal, Will. Klingons
talk loud. They always sound mad. He feels bad that you got hurt. Lt.
Worf is your friend.. He likes you." Crusher glanced up when Deanna came
over to the bed. "Thank goodness, you're here. Worf arrived a few hours
early and the visit didn't go so well."
	"Deanna." Will sobbed. He grabbed her hand in his, pulling it to his
face and hid behind her hand as he gradually regained control. Deanna
wrapped her arm around him and softly whispered to him everything was
going to be all right as if talking to a child. "I missed you Will. 
Would it be all right if I stayed here with you?" she asked.
	He looked up at her, nodded and grinned in a familiar way.  Then he
turned her hand over, kissing it gently. Deanna watched knowing that
this combination of little boy vulnerability and Riker charm was going
to steal her heart again, if it hadn't already.

	Deanna's sense of Will had returned to the level that she had of
anyone else on the ship. At the moment she could sense Will's panic on
the biobed, as Nurse Ogawa started adjusting the machinery around his
head. "Will, it is a little scary to see all these machines, isn't it?"
	Riker nodded in agreement, squeezing Deanna's hand. "Would you like
to know the first time we met?" The shift in emotion was so swift it
left Deanna slightly off-balance. She laughed. "I'll take that as a
yes."
	"Take what?"
	"I can sense your emotions. When you feel a different emotion, I can
tell. Just now you were upset, but then you were curious, right?"
	Riker tried to nod his head, but while they were talking, Nurse
Ogawa had adjusted the head constraint so that it was impossible for him
to move. "Yes." he said. "Is that why I always know when you enter the
room?"
	"What?"
	"I always feel you when you are near me. When you leave, I feel -- 
I feel -- I don't know. Lost? Empty?"
	Deanna stared at him for a moment. Their link was broken. How could
he still feel this way? "You mean when you see me enter a room it is
reassuring, comforting to you."
	"No, I know before you come through the doors over there that you
are on your way here. I know before the doors open when it is you on the
other side."
	"You can't!" Startled, Will blinked rapidly.  Afraid, he struggled,
despite the constraints, to draw back from her. Deanna knew instantly
her words had upset him, causing him to react as a child would to a
scolding. Deanna calmed herself. "Will, it is okay. It's a good thing.
I'm just surprised that you can have that sense of me. We have shared a
bond, a special bond, for a long time. I thought it was broken. I'm
glad," Deanna looked up at Beverly who was busy making the final
adjustments on the computer console in front of her while listening, no
doubt closely, to the conversation. "I'm glad you still feel it."
	"I feel it. That's why I was so convinced"
	"I'm ready to start." Beverly interrupted.
	"So convinced of what, Will?" Deanna asked.
	"That we were married. I'm ready, Doctor."
	Beverly smiled briefly, and Troi knew the doctor was wondering how
long Deanna would be able to resist Will's open adoration. "Try to stay
calm, this won't take too long, but it will go better if you can stay
calm."
	"You were going to tell me how we met." Will's eyes were closed, but
his smile was contagious.
	Deanna glanced at Beverly and Nurse Ogawa. Given the way, Will's
questions could divert innocent comments into very sensitive areas, she
no longer thought describing Chandra's wedding was a great idea. "Why
don't I tell you about my home planet Betazed instead."
	"Tell me about Janaran Falls."
	Deanna stared at Will. "Why do you want to know about Janaran
Falls?"
	"I was reading about it this morning. It seems like a nice place to
go.  Can we go there for our next shore leave?"
	"Yes, Will, it is a nice place. Okay, I'll tell you about Janaran
Falls." But I'm leaving out any mention of our last visit there, she
thought to herself.

	The procedure went well. Deanna had distracted Will with her chatter
and after a while, Beverly had the orderly disassemble the equipment.
Deanna started to help Will walk over to the bed, but he didn't need her
assistance.  After dinner arrived, Will grinned as he took the fork and
fed himself easily.  "You aren't eating, aren't you hungry?" He asked
Deanna.
	"I enjoy watching you eat."
	"I enjoy watching you too." He smiled, spearing another piece of
steak. 
	Captain Picard entered Sick Bay, immediately walking over to his
First Officer. "Hello Number One, how are you doing tonight?"
	Will looked at Deanna as if the Captain was addressing her. Deanna
waited, not wanting to embarrass Riker by pointing out to him that he
was 'Number One'.  Then she had an idea, it was worth a try. "You are
'Number One'.  Will grabbed his head, his knees hitting the tray
positioned above his legs, knocking over the ice tea. He looked at her
in total confusion.
	Picard flustered, went into Doctor Crusher's office to find
something to clean up the mess on Will's tray. "What did you do?" Will
asked Deanna.
	"I'm sorry, I, I just wanted to see if I could send to you. I guess
it wasn't such a good idea." 
	"Can you do that with everyone?"
	"No, only my mother and sometimes, you."
	"Oh," he closed his eyes waiting. "I like it.  Do it again."
	Picard had returned and was dabbing at the spilled milk, eyeing
Will's skeptically. "It's okay. He's doing much better, Sir."
	"Deanna, do it again." Will still had his eyes closed, waiting.
"Please."
	"Will, let's talk to the Captain first, then we can work on our
'experiment' later."
	Riker frowned, but opened his eyes. He patiently waited for Picard
to start the conversation.
	Picard obviously didn't know what to make of his First Officer's
strange actions. He had questioned Troi extensively that morning about
Will's readiness to reassume his duties, presumably the Captain was
convinced now that his first officer was in no shape to resume command.
"Will, I've heard from Doctor Crusher that you are feeling better."
	"Yes." Will looked at Deanna. "Sir."  He smiled as she nodded.
	"Very good.  Well, I just wanted to let you know you were missed on
the bridge, Commander Riker."
	"Why?"
	"Well, because your shoes are hard to fill." Picard shifted his
weight unevenly.
	Riker studied Picard for a few minutes. "You must have more work to
do with me here."
	"Yes, that's true." Picard agreed with enthusiasm. "I'll be glad
when you resume your duties."
	"Let the Klingon help you then." Will turned to Deanna. "The Klingon
likes to help. Worf. Worf likes to help. He told me. Let him help you."
	Picard shifted uneasily again.
	"Captain? Would you like some dinner?" Riker asked.
	"Oh, no. Thank you.  I am having dinner with Doctor Crusher shortly.
But please continue with yours."
	"Are you married to her?"
	Deanna fought to stifle her laughter.  Will seemed to have marriage
on his mind a lot.
	"No.  No. I am not married. I must go. Ship's business. Carry on."
With that Picard turned, leaving the Sickbay with utmost haste.
	Deanna laughed. "Will, why did you ask Captain Picard if he was
married?"
	"I wanted him to leave so we could do the experiment. I notice that
everyone gets embarrassed if you asked them if they are married, so I
figured he would leave.  He did too. Isn't anyone around here married?"
	"Yes he did.  Who else did you ask if they were married?"
	"I asked Doctor Crusher if I was married or if you were married."
	"Why?"
	"I needed to know. It's important."
	"Why?"
	"I don't know. Okay, now do that again. Send to me." Will closed his
eyes again.
	"You don't have to close your eyes." Deanna laughed.
	"I want to."
	Deanna tried to decide what to say. Don't be afraid. She waited,
expecting him to react. Instead, he frowned. Finally he opened his eyes.

	"I want to answer, but I don't how." She could feel the sadness
descend like a smothering blanket over him.
	"At one time you could, Will, but you haven't tried for many years."
	"Then you can teach me again."
	"Maybe. We can try."
	Will looked around, resting his gaze on Deanna's plate. "I never
seem to get to eat anything around here, notice that?"
	Deanna laughed, handing him her plate. "Here I want to leave room
for dessert anyway."
	"Chocolate."
	"What? You remember that?"
	"Remember what?"
	"That I like chocolate."
	"No.  That's what I want." Riker continued to eat Deanna's dinner.
	"But you don't like chocolate much."
	"I like chocolate sauce and -- and Champaign." Will continued eating
while Deanna felt her face heating up at the memory his comment had
evoked. Yes, she thought, you do like warm chocolate sauce and chilled
Champaign. I only hoped you don't remember why you like them and what
you like to do with them.

	"Will, it's late. I had better go." Deanna got up and stretched.
	"Okay." 
	She could feel his disappointment, his fear at her leaving. She was
much more in tune with his emotions than before, but it still was a
surface reading. The Imzadi bond did not exist, at least not for her.
"Would you want me to stay until you fall asleep?"
	"No." His voice was gentle. "You need to sleep. I'll be fine. I'll
miss you."
	"I'll miss you too." Deanna took his hand in hers and stood
awkwardly dragging out their good-byes.
	"Do you love me?" The question caught her offguard.
	"I've always loved you, Will." Deanna stared down at his hand in
hers.
	"I knew the first night. Here in the sickbay. I knew I loved you
then." Deanna's eyes sought out his. Will smiled then abruptly changed
the topic of conversation. "So, tomorrow maybe I can go back to my
quarters. Will I see you tomorrow?"
	"Yes. I've have a day off tomorrow. We can spend it together if you
wish."
	"Good. I want to see my quarters.  Doctor Crusher said maybe I'll
remember more there."
	"Yes. It's possible." Deanna started to leave, then turned and
quickly started to kiss him on the cheek. Riker brought his hand to her
face. Staring at her, he slowly guided her head to his. His warm, soft
lips on hers brought more memories to her mind, forgotten for many
years. When they parted, Deanna was the one with tears in her eyes. Will
brought her hand to his mouth, his eyes never leaving hers. "Kisses on
the cheek are for brothers or friends. When you kiss me, make it count,
Deanna." 
	Deanna tried to smile, but her confusion left her unable to manage
any reply. 
	Will smiled at the effect he had on her. "Good night, Deanna. Dream
of me."
	A nod was his only answer. Riker quickly fell asleep, dreaming of
his Imzadi -though he had no memory of the word.
	
	
	End-Chapter 1