|The Humor Library|
1995/1996 Attorney Bag Limits
- Any person with a valid drivers licence may harvest attorneys.
- Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
- Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidently struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest carwash.
- It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snowmobile, helicopter, or aircraft.
- It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.
- It shall be unlawful to use illicit substances, $100 bills, ladies of the night, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
- It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, houses of the night, health spas, bars, ambulances or hospitals.
- If an attorney is elected to government office it shall be a felony to hunt trap or possess them without special license.
- Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department certificate of vermin inspection.
- It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
- Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2
- Two Faced Tortfeasor 1
- Back Stabbing Divorce Litigator 4
- Big Mouthed Pub Gut 3
- Honest Attorney EXTINCT
- Cut Throat 2
- Back Stabbing Whiner 3
- Brown Nosed Judge Kisser 2
- Silver Tongued Drug Defender $100 Bounty
- Hairy Tushed Civil Libertarian 4
- Tax Attorney 10
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-- Michael, October 2000