I was reflecting recently on the issue of abstinence from sex before marriage. Especially for teenagers. Many folks in our society think it's "silly", or "impossible", or even that it doesn't matter... I've had folks tell me that they don't "need" to be married, that they are committed to each other, so why do they need "the paper"? I think most folks who "get an attitude" about abstinence think of it as a religious issue... but that's not really what it's all about...
And trust me, it DOES matter... Especially, I think it matters tremendously for young people, they are so vulnerable emotionally, their hormones are so out of whack... waiting until they mature a bit is just sensible... The Church teaches that "you are worth waiting for" - that's not a bad message. I'd prefer my son to learn that sex is important to a person, that the person he does it with should be the "right" person, it's not casual "fun", like swimming or riding a bike... it's much more than that... and has emotional and physical consequences.
I'm not giving my son a guilt trip about it... but rather trying to teach him. Not through fear, or guilt, but through a sense of self-respect, value of the woman, a cherishing of the gift of the Sacrament of Marriage, and a sense of responsibility.
Sure, we've talked about it, that a lot of what we see the "TV people" doing is a sin, or some of the young people we know, in their late teens and early 20's - living together without being married, or pregnant, that they've sinned too. But I'd hope that the knowledge of a basic sense of self-worth, and value of his "beloved" would motivate him to abstain, rather than guilt, or fear. Fortunately, he has a long time to learn this lesson yet...
Each year more than one million U.S. teenagers become pregnant – among sexually active girls, one in five has a pregnancy... that's a scary trend to be a part of... and I don't want that for my son... I've seen too many kids trying to grow up way too fast and struggling to be parents at the same time... and it's a rare on that can handle it. It's not fair to them, and it's not fair to the baby.
The Planned Parenthood Federation of America states that abstinence, combined with information of the risks of casual sexual activity, and information on birth control methods, is THE most effective method of preventing the transmission of AIDS, STD's and teen pregnancy. Sounds dumb... doesn't it? Like "duuuhhhh, no kidding", but you'd be amazed at how few parents take the time to lay it ALL out - bits, pieces, "just say NO", or relying on school to handle it... and THAT's the approach that I have a problem with...
Some parents actually won't talk to their kid at all, and let the school do it for them... some tell them simply "just don't" and quote scripture, but don't give them any other information. I believe that you have to give them every bit of information that you can. If you have given them a good solid basis in ethics and morals, the information won't "give them ideas"; it will give them strength.
This approach works. It works even without any Christian elements, and only the basic information. Think how much more powerful it can be with input from us, as Christian parents, talking honestly and openly with our children can!
From Planned Parenthood Federation of America literature:
"...A more balanced approach to teaching young people to take responsibility for their sexual health is working. Research has shown that:"
"Prevention programs that include information about delaying intercourse and about contraception can delay the onset of intercourse, reduce the frequency of intercourse, and decrease the number of teens' sexual partners;"
"In addition, an international study found that the best results occurred when education was given prior to the onset of sexual activity, and when it included information not only about delaying intercourse, but also about contraceptives and STI prevention."
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:
"Research to Classroom" initiative, four curricula have shown evidence of reducing sexual risk-taking behavior:
- Reducing the Risk (Barth, 1989). "
Here's a good quote:
" How likely is it that a sexually active teen will contact a sexually transmitted disease? Almost a third (30%) of sexually active teens contracted a new STD within a mere six months, reported one study, even among condom users."
Source: Dinerman LM, Wilson MD, Duggan AK, Joffe A. - Outcomes of adolescents using levonorgestrel implants vs oral contraceptives and other contraceptive methods, Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, Sept 1995,
149(9):967-72. "
I found an interesting essay, called "Subversive Virginity" - written by a feminist woman, explaining her reasons for abstinence –
http://www.firstthings.com/ftissues/ft9810/hinlicky.html
Here's another site of interest: No One's Invented a Contraceptive Against Getting Hurt –
http://www.w-cpc.org/sexuality/whywait.html
Here is a US News and World Report Article:
Was it good for us?
http://www.usnews.com/usnews/issue/970519/19sex.htm
See... bottom line, it's NOT a religious issue, it's a people issue... particularly for young people, who may be more emotionally at risk. Physically, we're all at risk. Spiritually, that's between you, your conscience, and God... think about it!
In His Love,
Lisa Alekna
4/07/1999
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