N e g a t i v e  S p a c e  ( a  s e r i e s ) 

Another installment in the 
quest to scan my entire apartment

Part 6: Toilet Seat Covers

Okay, this isn't exactly an object from my apartment, it's from my work place, but I spend enough time there for it to qualify as a home away from home.

I work in a financial database company, building software and databases. There are a lot of number crunchers in this company, quantitative thinkers, or "quants" as the industry endearingly calls them. These people sit all day, staring at computer screens or reading reports, and as a result of this prolonged sitting, their posterior portions often become severely compressed, leading to softness and unusual vulnerability of the gluteal region.

I believe this increased vulnerablility gave rise to the phrases, common in quantitative business environments, that refer specifically to the need to protect the buttocks from harm. For instance: "cover your ass", or "my ass is on the line", or "I got my butt chewed off" (heavens!).

So, when we moved our offices (orifices?) into new quarters, I was happy to see that the bathrooms came equipped with handy, professional ass-covers. At last, protection from the harsh attacks of the financial world! The dispenser declares in boldy embossed lettering "PROTECTO", and the box of protectors reads more reassuringly "Rest Assured", but let's call a spade a spade. These are ass covers. With Protecto, your ass is always covered! Feel more confident in meetings! Stay awake! Get promoted! (I'm wearing one right now!)

In order to spread the word about these wonderful career enhancing devices, I've thought up a few slogans:

Your bottom line is looking fine, with Protecto!

Don't let a boil spoil your toil! Use Protecto!

When your butt feels the heat, put Protecto on your seat!

Stock market crash? Don't get a rash! Use Protecto!

Rest Assured Toilet Seat Covers, #50RA, Rochester Midland Corporation, Rochester, NY

[homepage]   [gallery]   [previous -space]   [next -space]