N e g a t i v e  S p a c e  ( a  s e r i e s ) 

Another installment in the 
quest to scan my entire apartment

Part 5: Chinese Condiments

The following is based on actual
events that took place sometime in the 70's.

Do you remember the good old days when chinese food was a drug experience? When chinese waiters understood the word "MSG" but not the word "No" or the phrase "Please hold the...", so that a simple request like "no MSG" or "Please hold the MSG" could be horribly misinterpreted, the waiter flashing you a knowing wink as he places a plate in front of you, and you slowly realizing that the food in fact has three times the normal dosage of MSG, as your arms begin to turn rubbery and you begin to feel very, very, very small, like your head is sinking into your chest, and your ears are where your biceps should be, and you start to wonder "Am I the only one experiencing this? Can my parents get MSG buzzes?", and then you find that yes, they do, as you leave the restaurant and watch your dad try three times to get the keys out of his pocket, then use both hands to put the key in the ignition, all the while remarking "my, that egg foo yung was tasty".

Soy Sauce courtesy of Wah Yoan Condiments, Jersey City, NJ
Mustard courtesy of Chinese & American Mustard Co., Tarrytown, NY

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