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Reflections

The story, Reflections, was written by my good friend ZorroTNG@AOL.com and edited by Zlanna for use on this site. It was written after a lengthy discussion involving the question of whether Klingons believe in fate. This story takes place after AGT. Right after AGT.

Reflections
by ZorroTNG@aol.com, Edited by Zlanna@AOL.com

"Come." Deanna tried to wipe the tears from her eyes quickly.

"Hi." He stood awkwardly in the doorway waiting for her to invite him in, peering at her trying to assess the emotional damage done.

She hung her head down debating whether to ask him in or not, wondering if she had already asked too much of their friendship. Soft Betazoid soul music was playing on the sound system. Her dinner plate sat on the table, the food left untouched. "You heard Worf is leaving the Enterprise?"

Nodding, he waited for her to offer more information, but she remained silent. "Yes. I thought, maybe"

"What Will? Are you going to kiss me and make the pain go away?" the bitterness cut through her jeer. It wasn't his fault that Worf had just broken up with her, or was it? He was an easy target either way.

Shifting uncomfortably Will continued to stand in the doorway. "Deanna, if you would rather I go?"

"Yes, go." Then she remembered the emptiness that had filled her quarters before he had shown up. The truth was she didn't want to be alone now. She was alone because there was no one to turn to for comfort, or at least she had thought there was no one, perhaps she was wrong. "No, I don't know."

He was wearing that annoying smirk, probably at her indecision. He entered her quarters. Tilting his head to one side she realized he was watching her. "Want to talk about it?"

Deanna shook her head, then brought her hands up in front of her face as if to hide. "That is what Beverly asked."

"Ah. And did you tell her everything?"

"No. I couldn't. I couldn't admit yet that he just, just"

"The phrase is dumped you, Deanna." Although his words were cruel, his tone was gentle and she could feel his concern for her. She gave him a dirty look but had no response for his words which had hit close to home.

"Well, it is the delicate way you phrased it when Soren dumped me." he continued. His presence was comforting, as it had always been, but that didn't bother her anymore as it had once, in fact she did feel slightly better just having him near. Patting the couch, she indicated he should sit. "Everyone thought we were a strange couple."

Will crossed over the room. He sighed taking a seat on the far end of the couch. "Not everyone."

Deanna bit her lip, unable to look him in the eye. "You didn't think it was an ill-fated romance?" She tried to gage his emotions, but she was too distraught to be able to read him at the moment.

"It's the only serious liaison you've had that has scared me to death." he confessed. "Ill fated? I don't know. It confirms what I've thought for a while - since Soren."

"What is that?"

"That fate is what brought us together and that we can't deny that fate. We can fight it, but it would be a futile struggle."

Deanna wiped at her eyes again, suddenly finding herself wanting to talk about what had happened. "It's funny. The first night, we, got together, that is what he told me. That it was fate that brought us, him and me, together." She stopped, seeing Will's questioning look. Frowning she continued, "because when he went through the parallel universes he said he and I were married in so many of them."

Will watched her closely, choosing his words carefully, "Perhaps he entered the universes that most reflected his desire."

Deanna shrugged, too tired to debate the philosophical issues,"Then last night he told me it was never going to work out because my destiny lay with you not him and he had come to believe that his fate lay elsewhere."

Will leaned back against the couch. "There must have been more to it than that." he insisted.

Sighing Deanna picked up a fork and moved her rice around a bit, but didn't attempt to eat. "He said everything I did was an attempt to deny my feelings for you. That I was never running to him, but away from you. That our Imzadi bond had meaning, that it was only my fear of that bond that kept you and I apart, not the fact that it didn't exist. That he wouldn't spend his life with a woman who soul belonged to another man."

"Who said our bond didn't exist?" Will asked. Deanna could detect the hurt tone in his voice.

"I, I told him once that it had no meaning for either of us. Will, I, tried to convince myself that it couldn't be an Imzadi bond since you are human and I'm not." She watched him clench his teeth as he tried to control the pain her words caused him.

"Your father was human. I believe," Will swallowed, "I believe that our bond still exists."

"Yes, I do too, but at the time I was rebelling, against my mother, against her expectations of me. Against her traditions, against you because you were part of those expectations, and our bond was part of her traditions."

Will got up and walked over to the other side of the room stopping at her dresser to look at the picture of Janaran Falls Thomas had made. "Deanna, maybe rebelling against all of that was necessary before you could decide which elements of your culture you truly wanted to follow."

"Maybe. At first, his culture was so different from mine, or yours, that it held a certain fascination."

"The fact that Lwaxana disapproved so heartily didn't add to the fascination?" His comment prompting a smile from both of them.

Deanna laughed, "I guess my mother's disapproval did add a certain romanticism to being with someone from such a different background."

"And later?"

"And later, it got old quick." Deanna laughed, covering her hand over her mouth. "I can't believe I said that! I never really thought that until just now, but I suppose it is true. The struggle to constantly define a middle ground between the two cultures left me exhausted - him too probably."

"The biggest problem though was that I was constantly talking about you and me. I tried not to, but you were a part of my life for so long..."

"And there was our link?" Will was still studying the laser cutting.

"Yes. There came a point when I couldn't deny it existed. I wanted to think that my relationship with you was over. That you were still willing to leave me whenever the next career opportunity came up."

Will looked over at her. He put the picture down carefully. "Deanna! You know that I turned down three commissions to try and stay and work things out. You were the one who said you needed time, that you weren't ready to leave the Enterprise with me."

Deanna felt the tears that flowed too easily for the past 24 hours well up again. "I know. I told myself though that you just turned those commissions down because only Captain of the Enterprise would be good enough for you."

Will's laugh was incredulous. "The Enterprise is Picard's ship. It will always be his ship. How long did you think I would be willing to wait anyway? Picard's no where near ready to retire. I'm no fool, Deanna. As long as I'm on the Enterprise it will be as the First Officer. I stayed because there was something here that mattered more to me than my career. My biggest regret was not meeting you on Risa. I tried to get permission to get back, but I was turned down. I never understood why you felt I didn't want to get married because I couldn't get permission to go to Risa. Why didn't you return my messages after the first few weeks?"

"I didn't read them."

"You didn't?" Riker stood speechless for a minute. Finally he asked, "Why not?"

"You loved your career more than me."

"Deanna, what could I offer you if I wasn't in Starfleet? What did you want me to do? Resign because I was given a commission and not allowed leave to get married? That was the choice you know."

"Yes, I suppose I knew, but I always felt that you didn't really want me or you would have found a way to meet me." She felt the sting her words had for him. He was a man who took great pride in the fact that he always got what he wanted most and they both knew that he hadn't wanted to be with her quite bad enough to make it happen.

"Maybe I could have done more, I don't know. Tell me this though, Deanna, are we never going to be able to move beyond that? We are both a lot more mature now" Dropping his eyes to the ground, he paused and tugged on his beard. "I came to listen, as a friend, not to dredge up old history. I'm not as good at this counseling as you are." He started to turn to leave, but was surprised as Deanna walked over to him. Linking her arms from behind him she stared past his shoulder into the mirror in front of him.

"I thought you were an illusion. I thought our bond was an illusion. I thought I was rejecting other's expectations of me and all I was doing was running from my, from our, true reality."

They both stared at their reflection in the mirror. Deanna wondered at how natural they looked together. At one time, the fact they looked like they belonged together had irritated her, but no more. Now she saw their reflection merge as a swirl of emotions and feelings. She saw her destiny and it flowed naturally into his until the two were indistinguishable. She leaned against his back feeling his heartbeat through her hands that rested on his chest. Slowly he turned within her embrace to face her.

"Deanna. You told me once that people are like fractured souls that go through life looking for other fractured souls that complete them. Do you remember?"

"Yes, I remember."

"That the only way they could be separated would be if they let go."

"Yes."

Leaning close to her he whispered in her ear, "I'll never let go. Please, don't let go Imzadi."

Deanna reached up, tenderly brushed his hair to one side and whispered, "Imzadi." For the first time in a long time, the phrase brought comfort not confusion and finally she knew, Will Riker was her true destiny.

The End

Copyright 1997 by Zlanna.

I only do this for the pleasure of Imzadi fans. If you enjoyed the story or if you have suggestions, please send your comments to Zlanna@AOL.com.