Mission Impossible 3
Ethan (Generic Actor #1, see below) is convinced out of
retirement when a former protégé is kidnapped by a bad guy and he's got to
rescue her from bad guy Philip Seymore Hoffman. This leads to a blackmail
scenario where Ethan has to steal a bioweapon while at the same time trying to
What I Thought
My friends don't know who I really am. I mean, they all
know "Richard", the sweet and lovable guy with the killer butt. But they don't
know my secret identity of MovieMan, able to leap, um, about 4 feet and is
faster typing than your average office worker.
But you, my snicker doodles, my fans, those of you who are completed by me, all
know my deep dark secret and therefore I'm sure you're raising your eyebrows at
my attendance and review of Mission Impossible III. With him. The Tom. Just so
my face doesn't get all splotchy and explodes, let's just call him Generic Actor
#1, shall we?
You could say that I was tricked, nay, hoodwinked(!) into this movie. But my
friend is pregnant, she's ready to pop in a week, and her parents are
babysitting their 4-year-old so that they can have their one night a year out on
the town. I wanted to see Over The Hedge. But no, let's give the choice of movie
to the hormonal pregnant woman. So off we four went.
Boy did I need to vent. And I ain't done yet...
So, Generic Actor #1, a role that can be filled by just about anyone in
Hollywood and represents the generalizationalized (good word) blandness of
America along with the mad and utter destruction of sensible taste buds by the
Cheesecake Factory and the inner ear nuclear meltdown by Celine Dion (who's
Canadian by the way so damn you Canadians!), furrows his brow, grapples up and
down buildings, and does other pretend-manly things to entertain us, none of
them involving Oprah.
I wrote that previous paragraph solely to use the word "generalizationalized",
you realize that, right? And to insult Canadians (whom I love. Except you two.
You know who you are).
So anyway, the storyline is pretty straightforward. Evil arms dealer, check.
Bioweapon, check. Evil arms dealer blackmails Our Hero (Generic Actor #1) to get
it for him, check. Lots of couch hopping, check.
Hoffman is fantastic as the cold and evil arms dealer. I've always ignored him
because he's always done supporting roles, but in this movie I can see what the
critics like in him. I'm going to have to TiVo Capote when it makes the rounds.
I'm a little disappointed that the action isn't bigger. I was expecting for a
summer flick to have more explosions and more action sequences. But maybe I'm
just biased against um, you know.
Overall, it was a very light popcorn movie with not much else. Granted, it was
LOADS better than the first two. It actually had a storyline you could follow!
Can Generic Actor #1 handle THAT truth? And just like Generic Actor #1, the
movie is ultimately forgettable, though it still kills 2 hours of a rainy day.
If you choose to accept it, that is.
Dum dum da da dum dum da da... tiii ta doooo... tiii ta doooo.... This review
will self destruct in five.....